Anyone Child Free By Choice?

venus1978

Its something that was made very clear to my DH from the start. I didn't want children and if he did, well it wouldn't be with me.

ninky_2

i'm cfbc.

i can see the appeal of having kids for the super-rich. by which i mean those who have enough wealth to pay for the best nannies, tutors, travel around the world, homes for all the kids etc. but i don't really see the point in making yourself poor by reproducing which is effectively what many people do. and then their offspring do the same.

that probably sounds very coldhearted but i'm sure many parents secretly (and some not so secretly) resent the lifestyle sacrifices they make.

ceridwen

venus1978 wrote: »

Ok so if we had a one child policy what happens if you ended up accidentally pregnant a second time ?? forced abortion or do you sterilise a woman after she has had one child.

Hmmm....and there was me thinking that my parents generation (ie now elderly) and parents to the Baby Boomers like myself basically normally had two children. That generation didnt have the Pill or legalised abortion (like mine and subsequent ones has) - and yet...most of them managed to ensure they only had two children. Well - if they did that - without the contraceptive/abortion facilities my generation onwards has available - then how come there are so many "happy accidents" (apparently) these days - with all this extra help we have in planning our families?:cool:

....(sitting here thinking of the article I read recently by a woman who is married with children and who comments in it that she knows she is breaking a taboo by letting on that many "accidents" arent at all.....they are really down to the woman wondering how to get another child, when her husband is against it) - just as I suspected....

Person_one

ceridwen wrote: »

But then..one can "leave something of oneself" behind without having children to do so:cool:

I feel I have left something of myself behind when I go...and hope I will be able to contribute a bit more of lasting usefulness before I "pop my clogs".:D

I'm not kidding myself that I'll leave anything behind, apart from a huge pile of books for someone to sort through!

Think about it though, how many people have really truly made a mark on history compared to the billions that have existed? Having children doesn't really give you that either though, I know the names of my great-grandparents but no relatives older than that so I guess having children means you can be remembered for maybe 50-70 years after you die, if you're lucky and your children also have children.

venus1978

ceridwen wrote: »

....(sitting here thinking of the article I read recently by a woman who is married with children and who comments in it that she knows she is breaking a taboo by letting on that many "accidents" arent at all.....they are really down to the woman wondering how to get another child, when her husband is against it) - just as I suspected....

Many but not all

ninky_2

Creditcruncher wrote: »

So are you saying that your parents and all of your cousins and relations are poor then?

Because they all had parents.

my parents are definitely financially poorer as a result of having had children. the childfree siblings of my parents are clearly much better off financially.

the average cost of raising a child to 21 is now in excess of 200k (excluding school fees). that's more than some people's mortgage and at least they have equity at the end of it.

people with larger families are usually even worse off. look at any 'good' catholic community.

have you read tess of the d'urbervilles?

[Deleted User]

ceridwen wrote: »

Hmmm....and there was me thinking that my parents generation (ie now elderly) and parents to the Baby Boomers like myself basically normally had two children. That generation didnt have the Pill or legalised abortion (like mine and subsequent ones has) - and yet...most of them managed to ensure they only had two children. Well - if they did that - without the contraceptive/abortion facilities my generation onwards has available - then how come there are so many "happy accidents" (apparently) these days - with all this extra help we have in planning our families?:cool:

....(sitting here thinking of the article I read recently by a woman who is married with children and who comments in it that she knows she is breaking a taboo by letting on that many "accidents" arent at all.....they are really down to the woman wondering how to get another child, when her husband is against it) - just as I suspected....

I have also wondered about how accidental "happy accidents" are. I am childless and in this modern age of various contraceptive choices it beggars belief how many people try to play "the contraception must have failed" card. Don't get me wrong I know that no method is 100% but most are 99%. This means that on average only 1 in 100 women would get pregnant from contraception failing. Out of people I know personally several claim to have got pregnant from contraception failure. Perhaps failure to take the pill regularly or to remember a condom, but I very much doubt that all of them were due to the method failing when using it properly.
A friend of mine used to date this nut case who told him she was on the pill and wasn't, then hey presto was pregnant. She changed her mind and then got an abortion. They had been together about 3 months, he dumped her and told her never to call him again.

I use the pill and condoms together and have never been pregnant. I don't want children but I don't think I would get sterilised, not anytime soon anyway. It just sounds too invasive for me. If I did want children I certainly would never go down the "happy accident" route. This would be very disrespectful to my other half.

Person_one

Creditcruncher wrote: »

No I have not read it sorry.

So have you ever asked your parents why they had children or whether they regretted having them?

There is more to life than money you know.

Ask your parents, that first smile from your child is worth more than anything money could buy.:)

Watching them grow up gives more happiness than I could ever explain on here.:)

I'd rather have a trip to Hawaii, if that's an option?

mumps

Hermia wrote: »

To be honest I genuinely don't understand why people care so much about other peoples' lifestyles. I have had friends tell me they have been criticised for having no kids, having an only child, having too many kids, getting married too early, not getting married at all, going out to work when they have kids, not going out to work when they have kids, being gay, being too ambitious blah blah blah... GRRRRRR!

I so agree, I was thinking this as I read the thread. I had two sons and got so fed up being told I must want a girl when pregnant for the third time. I never understood the fixation on gender and felt comfortable with the idea of another boy, when my daughter was born I loved her to bits but no more than the boys.

People are often rude and its not limited to comments to the childfree. Try being pregnant and getting used to everyone feeling they have a right to tell you what to do never mind wanting to feel your bump.

Edited to say I was also that most reviled of creatures, A Teenage Mother. Shock horror. And no, contrary to what lots of people said/ predicted I was married before I got pregnant, he never got into any trouble, we never lived on benefits. He has a first class honours degree so obviously wasn't an illiterate drop out. Some people are only happy if they are being bossy/miserable.

ninky_2

Creditcruncher wrote: »

So have you ever asked your parents why they had children or whether they regretted having them?

my dad fancied a bit and my mum's catholic upbringing made her think contraception was sinful. fact. after my sister was born my dad "took the sin" by having a vasectomy!

my mum has stated many times that having children was a big sacrifice.

studies show that childless elderly are financially better off and in better health.

i like children actually and i can see that there is more to having them than money. not quite in the same league but i have a boat and that gives me pleasure whilst costing money.

i think though that a life of having kids and having to go back to work asap whilst paying for daycare seems quite unappealing. if people can afford to have the sort of lifestyle they want with their kids (stay at home parent or whatever) then good luck to them.