Anyone Child Free By Choice?

Person_one

Zazen999 wrote: »

WHY did you find it odd and strange is the question? What about deciding not to have children is odd and strange? I'm genuinely intrigued [can I say it any differently?]...

Odd and strange is having 6 fingers or only barking in response to questions. Simply not wanting kids isn't and I'm genuinely interested as to what led you to hold this belief.

She probably feels that way because society (in general) views the progress of single - married - kids - grandkids - dead as the norm and anything outside of that is 'odd'. Its why people who have no moral or intellectual problem with homosexuality still stare when they see a gay couple holding hands or kissing.

Person_one

BubblyMumbles wrote: »

Absolutely, but often that's the problem, the CFBC people aren't just left to live and let live, we're viewed as weird, not normal, strange, having something wrong with us etc. etc. byt people who have kids.

I think having kids is about the most selfish thing people can do. The incessant need to reproduce in their like is just beyond me. I think if people have such a need to be a parent then they should adopt or foster one of the countless kids that need a home.

Both choices are selfish, they involve doing what we want to do!

Not everybody is cut out for fostering or adopting children from care. They have very specific needs and can't just be passed over to anybody.

belfastgirl23

Being honest though, do those of us who are CFBC not find the whole having kids thing a bit odd? I don't mean that in any kind of nasty way, just that personally I don't get it any more than I get the fad for manolo blahniks (why pay a fortune for something so uncomfortable!) or ferrari cars. It's just that it's not something that I feel, therefore it seems odd. I think this is a bit of a circular argument really....

Zazen999

Person_one wrote: »

She probably feels that way because society (in general) views the progress of single - married - kids - grandkids - dead as the norm and anything outside of that is 'odd'. Its why people who have no moral or intellectual problem with homosexuality still stare when they see a gay couple holding hands or kissing.

Aye, but if you come onto a child free thread and say 'oh gosh, thanks for the insight, I genuinely thought you were all odd and strange', I'm gonna ask - really - why so?

And when that person can't answer with why they held those beliefs and all the knowledge in their life regarding that topic has been turned around just by a simple thread on an internet forum; I do find it amazing that they can't say why they held that belief until that moment in time.

Katie-Kat-Kins

Hello, not read the whole thread yet but I'd like to join!!!

I'm 31, DH is 36 and neither of us want children.

Haven't had too much grief about it yet (apart from a bit of a serious talk from my mum about "not leaving it too late and regretting it") but I think that is just because we haven't been married that long.

venus1978

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

Being honest though, do those of us who are CFBC not find the whole having kids thing a bit odd? I don't mean that in any kind of nasty way, just that personally I don't get it any more than I get the fad for manolo blahniks (why pay a fortune for something so uncomfortable!) or ferrari cars. It's just that it's not something that I feel, therefore it seems odd. I think this is a bit of a circular argument really....

Not really, I do understand that people feel the need to leave something of themselves behind or to create something that is part them and part their OH and that they continue on after they are gone.

Katie-Kat-Kins

KimYeovil wrote: »

I can't imagine anyone being child-free through choice.

And I can't imagine anyone being so desparate for children that they would put themselves through risky painful medical proceedures at huge expense just to get children - but they do the multitude of private IVF clinics making a decent profit are testament to that.

I also can't imagine why anyone would want to ruin their portion of chips by putting mushy peas on them.........

Each to their own I guess and while the child free aren't doing anything to harm you leave them too it - your taxes aren't paying for their child benefit, child tax credits, etc etc

Bit of a narrow minded statement if you ask me.

BubblyMumbles

Person_one wrote: »

Both choices are selfish, they involve doing what we want to do!

Not everybody is cut out for fostering or adopting children from care. They have very specific needs and can't just be passed over to anybody.

If you base being selfish on everyone doing what they want to do then that's true, everyone is selfish, but there is an arguement that would say that having children is a selfish thing to do.

For example, but by not having kids, I'm not wasting NHS money, services and time by having to be helped to concieve, or having care while pregnant or when giving birth, or after birth or then throughout the child's life. The money used to fund another child being born and covering all those things could easily be better spent on something else, for instance care for the elderly, people with mental health problems etc. etc.

I don't expect that the state pays me maternity pay or child benefit or any other benefit for having a kid. Again, that money could be better spent on other things.

It's not as if there's a shortage of kids out there, already born that aren't wanted or are taken in to care for whatever reason.

If not everyone's suited to fostering or adoption then surely not everyone's suited to having kids at all? Not all children in care have horrific backgrounds that require special skills to bring them up, most of them just need the love and security of a stable family.

Maybe there should be some kind of vetting procedure for people considering reproducing themselves? I jest, but you get my drift? I do think it's very selfish to have kids, much more selfish than not to have kids.

I also question why people are so desperate to bring children in to world like we live in right now. It's not as if the planet needs repopulated, it's overcrowded as it is, and anyway, global warming's probably going to finish the whole thing off, what's the point?

Person_one

BubblyMumbles wrote: »

If you base being selfish on everyone doing what they want to do then that's true, everyone is selfish, but there is an arguement that would say that having children is a selfish thing to do.

For example, but not having kids, I'm not wasting NHS money, services and time by having to be helped to concieve, or having care while pregnant or when giving birth, or after birth or then throughout the child's life. The money used to fund another child being born and covering all those things could easily be better spent on something else, for instance care for the elderly, people with mental health problems etc. etc.

I don't expect that the state pays me maternity pay or child benefit or any other benefit for having a kid. Again, that money could be better spent on other things.

It's not as if there's a shortage of kids out there, already born that aren't wanted or are taken in to care for whatever reason.

If not everyone's suited to fostering or adoption then surely not everyone's suited to having kids at all? Not all children in care have horrific backgrounds that require special skills to bring them up, most of them just need the love and security of a stable family.

Maybe there should be ome kind of vetting procedure for people considering reproducing themselves? I jest, but you get my drift? I do think it's very selfish to have kids, much more selfish than not to have kids.

I also question why people are so desperate to bring children in to world like we live in right now. It's not as if the planet needs repopulated, it's overcrowded as it is, and anyway, global warming's probably going to finish the whole thing off, what's the point?

I agree with your desire not to be criticized for your choice, but I think you're going a bit too far in denigrating other people's choices.

Reproductive freedom is wonderful, in the past women were married off young and had babies as and when they happened until they were too old with little control over the situation. They often breastfed for years to put off the next pregnancy. Nowadays (infertility issues notwithstanding) we can choose whether or not to have children and if we want them we can choose when and how many.

Yes, there are many children without families and many people become parents who aren't up to the responsibility, but the world does need young people to work and pay taxes. We don't need as many as we're getting at the moment but we need more than zero!

I don't want children either, but I think its a bit hypocritical to demand that you are respected for your decision whilst at the same time being so scathing about those who decided differently.

zippychick

I have read this thread with great interest, and genuinely debated whether or not to reply............ as it seems it could get quite inflammatory (and i'm not really one for confrontation)

This thread has helped me to see a lot of different sides to the story of whether or not people want kids.:)
So far I see the varied reasons people may not want to reproduce - from their own childhood, a need to control the population by not adding to it, a general disdain for parents (for what ever reason) or something as simple as having no maternal instinct. Of course there are other reasons I have missed - and I have paraphrased. By doing so I mean no offence just in case anyone thinks I do. I genuinely do respect other peoples opinions

I was surrounded by kids from a young age and was changing nappies of my cousins at no age. I babysat as a teenager, and am a very maternal kind of person. Personally I can't imagine not having kids (just like some of you can't imagine having them)

For me, I admit to finding it a bit hard to understand - but that's because my maternal instinct is so strong. So i find it just a bit harder to fully understand.

That doesn't mean I see CFBC people as bad ones - they just have made different decisions about their life. Again, just as people choose different things to spend their money on, different places to go on holiday, or different careers

I have every respect for someone who chooses not to have kids, as they are consciously making a choice - so that is to be applauded in my eyes.

Anyway, not sure Ihave much more to add. An ex of mine told me he didn't want kids. He thought the world was overpopulated and that life was hard enough, so why bring another life into it? That was more or less the end of that as I knew it would never work. I want kids, he didn't .

I think people really need to discuss their preferences on having kids, earlier rather than later. I know so many people in relationships who put this to the side, and will worry about it later (when it is obvious they both have conflicting points of view). Ultimately it leads to some sort of compromise where one party "gives in ".

The result is one half of a couple who either -

* resents the kid/s they have ended up having to have (and their OH who wanted them and got their way)
* resents the OH for the kid/s they never got to have because of their partners preference

Or ultimately it drives such a big wedge between the couple, they end up in a messy divorce or separation .

Anyway, I will continue to follow this thread as I am genuinely interested to read about people who are CFBC

I only ever knew one person who insisted she didn't want kids, and now has a step son and a one year old. So this is good input.

Respect.