Anyone Child Free By Choice?

ceridwen

venus1978 wrote: »

But look at what happened in China boys were favoured they have the problem of more men than women, not to mention that a lot of baby girls were killed just for the simple fact they weren't a boy so wouldnt be a good provider

True - but China is a very different culture to our own and there is probably pretty much a balance in Britain between those who would prefer a boy and those who would prefer a girl - so it would tend to even out methinks...

Also - we dont believe in killing babies in this country - just because they arent the sex we wanted....(though...I'm one of the ones who - if I had wanted children - would have just "taken what I got" and just been glad they were healthy).

ceridwen

KimYeovil wrote: »

I can't imagine anyone being child-free through choice.

Why not?????

BubblyMumbles

Person_one wrote: »

I agree with your desire not to be criticized for your choice, but I think you're going a bit too far in denigrating other people's choices.

Reproductive freedom is wonderful, in the past women were married off young and had babies as and when they happened until they were too old with little control over the situation. They often breastfed for years to put off the next pregnancy. Nowadays (infertility issues notwithstanding) we can choose whether or not to have children and if we want them we can choose when and how many.

Yes, there are many children without families and many people become parents who aren't up to the responsibility, but the world does need young people to work and pay taxes. We don't need as many as we're getting at the moment but we need more than zero!

I don't want children either, but I think its a bit hypocritical to demand that you are respected for your decision whilst at the same time being so scathing about those who decided differently.

I take your point and completely understand what you're saying, however in my defence I feel that as long as I'm not fully respected for my choices then I see no reason not to be scathing to people who make other choices.

Yes, it could be argued that I should rise about it, lead by example or something similar but in my view, respect is a two way thing and in my exeprience for the majority of the time, I am not respected for my decision however I am constantly expected to respect those who chose to have children, and what's more I have to live in a society that completely supports and endorses their decision at every available opportunity.

Now we're coming up to an election just watch the parties start to trot out their 'family' policies to get votes, where's the policies aimed at CF people?

BubblyMumbles

ceridwen wrote: »

Why not?????

I asked the same thing, still waiting for a reply!

ceridwen

venus1978 wrote: »

Not really, I do understand that people feel the need to leave something of themselves behind or to create something that is part them and part their OH and that they continue on after they are gone.

But then..one can "leave something of oneself" behind without having children to do so:cool:

I feel I have left something of myself behind when I go...and hope I will be able to contribute a bit more of lasting usefulness before I "pop my clogs".:D

venus1978

ceridwen wrote: »

But then..one can "leave something of oneself" behind without having children to do so:cool:

I feel I have left something of myself behind when I go...and hope I will be able to contribute a bit more of lasting usefulness before I "pop my clogs".:D

I agree yes we can. But I know this is how one of my friends who have children feels about it. I certainly don't think its the be all and end all.

jackieglasgow

[QUOTE=ceridwen;30503689Nowadays - I see so many families with 3 or 4 children - even though the world/this country is a lot more overpopulated than it was even when I was born and I suspect that a lot of women are looking at the World of Work these days (and - no I dont mean just chavs!..) and deciding "That doesnt look very attractive to me - I'll have a career at Mummyhood and leave my husband and/or the State (ie the rest of us) to pay my 'wages' " ....:cool::think::silenced::silenced::silenced:

At least I'm not adding to the worlds overpopulation problem.[/QUOTE]

Ceridwen that is such a sweeping generalisation to make. Just as there are some who take advantage of the benefits system, there are so many more who choose not to work because they want to raise their children their way. The world isn't overpopulated, it's not being used correctly or efficiently enough for it's population. There is more than enough food and room to go around, we are just carp at using it properly.

FWIW I am Child Bearing By Choice, work part time and don't even claim Child Tax Benefits, even though we are probably entitled to them this year!

venus1978

ceridwen wrote: »

True - but China is a very different culture to our own and there is probably pretty much a balance in Britain between those who would prefer a boy and those who would prefer a girl - so it would tend to even out methinks...

Also - we dont believe in killing babies in this country - just because they arent the sex we wanted....(though...I'm one of the ones who - if I had wanted children - would have just "taken what I got" and just been glad they were healthy).

Ok so if we had a one child policy what happens if you ended up accidentally pregnant a second time ?? forced abortion or do you sterilise a woman after she has had one child.

ceridwen

zippychick wrote: »

I think people really need to discuss their preferences on having kids, earlier rather than later. I know so many people in relationships who put this to the side, and will worry about it later (when it is obvious they both have conflicting points of view). Ultimately it leads to some sort of compromise where one party "gives in ".

The result is one half of a couple who either -

* resents the kid/s they have ended up having to have (and their OH who wanted them and got their way)
* resents the OH for the kid/s they never got to have because of their partners preference

Or ultimately it drives such a big wedge between the couple, they end up in a messy divorce or separation .



Respect.

Couldnt agree more:T

I totally DO NOT understand why people who are thinking of getting together do not sit down and discuss such an important issue beforehand.

Whatever view one has on whether to have children or no - its obvious to me that its VITAL to make sure that the other person has the same views as you do yourself. I've seen so many women inveigle men into parenthood - AFTER they have got together. If you want children - then make sure your prospective partner does too. If you DONT want children - then make sure your prospective partner doesnt want them either. Its not rocket science.

Why on earth DONT they discuss this in advance? Its just obviously so wrong to go into marriage/living together thinking "I'll change him/her" on this topic. Then they wonder why they end up a divorce statistic....:cool:

Person_one

BubblyMumbles wrote: »

I take your point and completely understand what you're saying, however in my defence I feel that as long as I'm not fully respected for my choices then I see no reason not to be scathing to people who make other choices.

Yes, it could be argued that I should rise about it, lead by example or something similar but in my view, respect is a two way thing and in my exeprience for the majority of the time, I am not respected for my decision however I am constantly expected to respect those who chose to have children, and what's more I have to live in a society that completely supports and endorses their decision at every available opportunity.

Now we're coming up to an election just watch the parties start to trot out their 'family' policies to get votes, where's the policies aimed at CF people?

I do actually agree that the government has more of a responsibility towards children than adults. You can't help the family or the situation you're born into but it benefits everyone for children to grow into decent productive law abiding adults so the government spends on things like education, children's health, keeping children out of poverty etc. to help make that happen. You have to think long term a bit, they aren't children for ever!

As far as your first point, I'm sorry you've had such hostility towards your choices. I've mainly experienced patronising and dismissive comments of the 'you'll change your mind' 'wait till you meet the right man' variety and its much easier to just roll my eyes and move on. If the people making the comments are people you have to see a lot or people whose opinion you care about have you tried calmly explaining why you are upset by their comments and why they are wrong?

Most people are fairly rational, but sometimes we/they can feel as though making a different choice to theirs is the same as attacking them personally.