Cant afford my wife anymore

Fire_Fox

enabler wrote: »

She does not want to work though and told me she's desperate to have another baby....something she's mentionned before but I've consistently said I wansnt ready which was really the fear of more children when finances are dire. Now this is in the open we've been truthful and I said that if we could get things stabilised then we could.

I should clarify that wife earnt more than me when we met but as I moved into management I surpassed her salary. She's led a rather priviledged lifestyle where luxuries were the norm. She has said that she wanst to ask her parents for help but I'm totally against this and have said as much. We should sort this ourselves but she says we'll have to tell them when we pull out of the holiday.

I do wonder whether your wife has gone from being defined by a high status dad, to a high status job, to now being defined by her high status house/ yummy mummy thing. She may be a lady-who-lunches but she clearly is used to grafting and using her brain ...

It occurs to me that your wife might really benefit from volunteering for a charity such as the Citizens Advice Bureau, she might learn where being in debt can lead if not nipped in the bud, she can sell it to her mates as all smart people do charity work, and the charity would hopefully benefit from her skillset. Hopefully it would get her back to paid work in time but at the very least keep her out of the shops!

vaporate

taxi73 wrote: »

Well done on telling her and at least she is willing to cut back BUT I still don't think that's enough and the only way I can see you keeping up with the payments as well as trying to clear a bit of debt is to have your wife working.
Having another baby is stupid....can you not convince her that having a few years at work to clear the debt then you'll be in a position to have a baby.No point in having a baby only to have nowhere to live.
Sorry if it sounds harsh...your wife really does have to get the picture!!!

I second that.

Poosmate

MyLastFiver wrote: »

It's not "a bit evil". We have our £500 banger on the drive next to the neighbours' Audi. We couldn't give a stuff and neither could he. We'll still be having a beer together on Friday.

Poo I know you were half joking but I don't think manipulation and emotional blackmail are what is needed here. The high-maintenance wife has had a shock and is coming to terms with having to make the difficult cuts that lots of us on here made a long time ago. For the sake of their family and their happiness I think they need to find solutions to their problems as a loving partnership, not as enemies.

Yes it was kind of said in jest hence the Baldrick style "I have a cunning plan..."

I too am a proud member of the banger brigade, knock my wing mirror off and it would be a write off! lol I'm going to have to get a "new" one soon and not looking forward to it - I bet it will have electric windows and air con! I don't like these new fangled gadgets - look where it's got Toyota!

Poo

MyLastFiver

Ha ha Poo:) I agree with you about getting as simple a car as possible. It was £300 to replace the head gasket on my Peugeot. It would have been £800 at least on a Merc or BMW.

The irony is that Toyotas are a superb second hand buy. The bodywork is bulletproof and the engines go on for ever. Their automatic transmissions are the stuff of legend. I did 200,000 miles on the same clutch in my old Corolla before I stupidly burnt it out by not keeping the fluid topped up.

Anyway this is all very off-topic

MrsTinks

Guess what... I don't wanna work either but in order to pay the bills and buy our 9 month old daughter the things I think she needs I returned to work when she was 8 months old... Your wife may not WANT to work but if you (plural) want to continue to have a car and a house then she HAS to work! It's called defaulting on your debts and having your car and house repossessed or at least have charging orders put on it... how will she feel when the bailiffs turn up?? Will THAT be embaressing enough? They will be more than happy to clamp your car and demand payment and they WON'T go away just because they're embaressing her...

What about if one of your creditors forces bankruptcy because you can't pay them? Yes I know these are extreem scenarios but they ARE a possibility and she has to wake up and smell the coffee...

You've come clean and told her about the debts you have both allowed to build up - now SHE needs to realise that it takes 2 to tango and she's had a very nice cushy 4 years at home with your daughter basically doing a little light housework and having beauty treatments.

Don't get me wrong - I like nice clothes, I like having my nails done, I like facials and I like massages... but you know what? I pay for them out of what is left after I have paid MY bills, overpaid MY debts and it's from MY salary...

If she can't see that you both need to buckle up (and sorry but finding a cheaper place for her treatments is NOT good enough!) then stop allowing her any money! Stop putting money in any joint accounts, close it if at all possible. Tell her you are not paying any of her cards or treats etc - give her £50 for food and £10 a month for clothes and tell her to deal with it or get a job!

I'm sorry I have VERY little symapthy for "want to stay at home"... yes it's lovely and gosh I'd love to do it too... but YOU CAN'T AFFORD IT! And as for a 2nd child.... she cannot be serious??? she won't help contribute to the income but she wants to bring another child into the situation? Really?

milliemonster

Ok, I have read through the whole of this thread and don't really have much to add apart from what has already been so clearly stated, but as your wife likes her beauty treatments so much and doesn't want to give these up, why doesn't she look into leaning to do nails herself? she could do a course that takes a couple of months then set up herself and earn some money whilst working from home whilst your daughter is at preschool/school or whatever?, she could then do her own nails (for far less than what is costs in a salon), plus earn money doing them for her friends etc aswell?

just a thought

niccatw

Poosmate wrote: »

Yes it was kind of said in jest hence the Baldrick style "I have a cunning plan..."

I too am a proud member of the banger brigade, knock my wing mirror off and it would be a write off! lol I'm going to have to get a "new" one soon and not looking forward to it - I bet it will have electric windows and air con! I don't like these new fangled gadgets - look where it's got Toyota!

Poo

Poo - you are the master of the cunning plan (other than Baldrick himself, obviously)! Now if you could just have a wee look at the last few entries on my diary and come up with one for me... (other than the obvious, use your !!!!!! women idea!) :rotfl:

And with you on the car too. I now have a new-fangled lease car 'cos it's cheaper than the insurance on my old car, which was a 10 year old Golf. Whom I will always love and wish she was still parked outside, noisy exhaust, bashes, scrapes and all!

Miss_Poohs

I've got a question for you Enabler - do you have a brother?

You're one push over!!!

I don't want to work either, but realistically my husband can't make the bills if I don't help.

I'd love to swan about the shops, local beauty palours and kiddie entertainment zones all day, but I can't, or should I say I just couldn't.

As lovely as I'm sure your wife is, she one selfish, outa touch lady.

MyLastFiver

Enabler, can you put your wife on the game?










>>>>Now you've gone too far you idiot. Delete it.

>>>>Nah, just press send. It'll be OK.

WendysWorld

MyLastFiver wrote: »

Enabler, can you put your wife on the game?










>>>>Now you've gone too far you idiot. Delete it.

>>>>Nah, just press send. It'll be OK.

:rotfl::rotfl:
I'm sorry enabler.....I just couldn't help having a giggle...

Hope things get better for you. As a wife of someone who is earning a similar amount to you with a similar mortgage (although we are overpaying a bit). We couldn't have managed unless I worked too. Unfortunately, looking at your SOA, just cutting back isn't enough. I think your wife may have to look at the possibility of doing some kind of work - hard though this may be. Not to be nosey, but what did she do before? Can she work from home? I work part-time with the option to work at home when necessary. This is a godsend when one of my sons is home sick from school or if I need to pick them up from an afterschool club. However, I do have childcare as well.
She wouldn't have to work forever, even a year should get you back on track and maybe by then the housing market will have improved and you could possibly downsize and sort out your debts.
It isn't all bad being a working mum, especially if you work part-time. I quite enjoy it and even though I sometimes miss out, I am there most of the week. Also, when I am off, I make more of an effort to spend time doing things with them. I never drag them to the shops....it's their idea of hell (2 boys!).;)