Cant afford my wife anymore

niccatw

:T Well done enabler! That can't have been easy! And your wife sounds very supportive. Many people battle much longer and harder with their OH's for half of the compromises you have agreed to make together.

I understand you not wanting to tell her parents, but if you are pulling out of the holiday, you may have no choice. I also understand wanting to sort it out yourselves - but play it by ear.

If they need to know because of the holiday then they might tell you what they are willing to do and give you little choice! Have a look at my sig - I've included 3 debts to family and a friend. I refused help on numerous ocassions but they essentially handed me the cash and told me to use it for certain things going on at the time. I didn't like it but I couldn't argue with the sheer common sense they spoke! None of them want the money back as they were in a position to and wanted to help - but I can't quite come to grips with that, so they're on my sig and when the time comes, I shall offer them what I owe them and take it from there.

Good luck in your debt busting We're all rooting for you!

tiff

My goodness she needs a wake up call. Maybe if you got her parents involved and showed them your SOA on here, they will see the true situation and know that she must get a job. Its not enough to just give up those things, you need more income and reduce outgoings. I hope she sees sense very soon.

WASHER

I agree with Taxi's post totally.

I am also surprised by your wifes reaction to involve her parents, its not them who your ran up the debt, but you two, I don't think your wife has realised the severity of the situation, she has to give up the beauty treatments, your home is far more important than her nails and hair. (I'm a woman who has had to cut all beauty treatments as I only work part time now and cannot afford luxuries) If she wants the treatments, then shes going to have to work for a living.

Sorry, if that sounds harsh, but your home could be at risk because of the size of your debts.

bouncydog1

Enabler, this is going to be a bit harsh I'm afraid. Your wife needs to grow up and stop behaving liking a little girl leaving everything to her parents to sort out, along with you. She has to take some responsibility for herself. If she is old enough to play houses and have a baby then she is old enough to have a reality check.

I would be quite disgusted if my daughter expected her dad and I to bail her out (which is secretly what I think your wife wants to happen). She refuses to give up her beauty treatments - for goodness sake does she think she is a WAG or something with an image to keep up.

I'm afraid that you need to toughen up and tell her that the reality is that unless she gets her butt into gear and makes a realistic contribution to the household finances to help get out of the mess her demands and your wish to indulge her have created, she could well find herself living with her parents full time. Not because you want to get rid of her, but if between you, you can't find a way out of this mess there will be no house to live in and no more credit as both credit histories will be shot to pieces!

She may see getting a job as beneath the image she has created for herself but she is in the real world now!

niccatw

I think we're forgetting that enabler's wife hasn't yet had her LBM. Once she does, she may come to these decisions independently. But at the moment, chances are she's still in shock.

I know it took me a good two years to knuckle down and tackle my debt with the focus I should have been giving it. It's not that I wasn't trying those two year, I just hadn't come to terms with the need for trying harder.

And I don't think we can judge when a family should or should not try for another baby - there's never a good time, it'll always cost money (but can be done much more cheaply) and you just don't know what life might throw at you. I'd never advise a family not to try for a baby; that's just not my call. If it's what you both want then you need to do what you need to do, debt or no debt.

Good luck

Cleosmum

Can you both sit down and draw up a budget? Put all the new figures into the SOA calc and see how things stand. I think you need to cut all unnecessary spends and increase your income. You already know the things that need cutting, and its great that your wife is willing to cut some, but she needs to cut all Im afraid. The last time one of mine was at preschool it wasnt free, but maybe thats changed? Look into it and find out where you stand. And I wouldnt involve the parents, if someone else bails you out then I think you will both just carry on as you are, you both need to feel the pinch.

Get your new SOA done and post it up!

tiff

Preschool is free if its council run. Both of mine went to one of these nursery schools. They have to be 3 to go there as its a nursery school, not child care.

jem1276

Glad you have been able to be honest with your wife about the situation.

Bet you feel like you have run a marathon and back again this week.

You are on the right track now, stay positive and hang in there :kisses3:

Cleosmum

Thanks Tiff, I know my nephew goes to a village preschool and he isnt free yet, think its the easter after he is 3, and then he can have extra once he is 4.

angela110660

Please do not make excuses for your wife - you need to speak to her about the situation asap. Okay - she might not want to go out to work while your daughter is little - all mums feel like that but couldn't she do some work part time when you are home so that your daughter still has you to look after her? When my sons were small I worked weekends - alternate Saturdays and Sundays - my husband looked after them and I felt like I was contributing in a small way to our family budget. Your comment about your wife always being at the shops, at the gym - sounds like she doesn't have enough to occupy her time and is that all "quality" time for your daughter really? None of my children could stand being dragged round shops.