Cant afford my wife anymore

enabler

I've stumbled across this forum whilst in desperate search for another consolidation loan/ credit card etc

Brief background -have been married for 8 years and at the begining things were great (moneywise) We both worked full time and wife earned almost double what I did. We had our lovely daughter who is now 4 and wife gave up her work almost as soon as we found out she was expecting. I was happy with this decision at the time but to make up the shortfall I moved from my hands on engineering job (job I enjoyed and trained for) to a management post in the sales division (job I have come to hate).

Since we had our daughter the finances have got worse and worse. I've stuck my head firmly in the sand and also enjoyed the holidays, meals out that the wife has booked. I've been walking a tightrope for some while and somehow have consolidated loans, got more credit etc and then maxed out the cards again.

18mths ago we bought a house. Its bigger than we need and I borrowed over 6times my salary on 100% mortgage. Am struggling with the payments and we are in negative equity.

Does anybody have a clue how to sort this mess out? My wife is not aware of the extent of the mess and I've only really skirted about on the issue of what she's spending but she's going to hit the roof. I need tofind a consolidation loan that'll lower the payments...possibly a loan secured on the house but not sure if thats a good idea???

Cleosmum

No to consolidation, big no to securing on your home! Its time you were honest with your wife! You cant say you cant afford her, you havent explained the situation to her, you could well find that she has been enjoying all these luxuries because you havent given her any reason to think you cant afford it. Start off with putting everything into the SOA calculator on makesenseofcards.com and then posting the results up here. Once you have done that you find loads of lovely posters giving lots of helpful hints and tips. Get your SOA done so you know the true extent

planning_ahead_2

The title of your thread suggests that you blame your wife for the financial difficulties you currently find yourself in. From reading your post, it appears to me that the majority of decisions were made together, eg her giving up work, taking out large mortgage etc.

If you post up a statement of affairs (SOA) then people will be along to give you some excellent advice.

My advice would be to talk to you wife, but also to accept that you are also responsible and cannot dump all the blame on her.

Ostinato

Dont want to run and read. Unfortunately I am not good at advising where you should go from here but I am definitely unsure whether consolodating is going to be right considering you seem to have already went down this road and it ultimately just makes your debt bigger and longer...

You definitely need to sit down and speak to your wife though and explain the situation. She has no right to hit the roof. Although you may not have made the situation clear to her surely any loving wife must have an idea of how you can afford all this stuff. Ultimately your marriage is a partnership and if she is just wanting to sit back and do the spending freely without wondering where any of the money is actually coming from... then there is a serious problem.

I appreciate she may be upset you havent told her sooner, but she has part to fault for too and perhaps she could have taken more of a realistic interest in how you could afford her lavish lifestyle.

RAS

Where does you wife think a treble salary is comin from/ Cloud cuckoo land?

You cannot secure another debt on a house with negative equity.

You need to fill on a full SOa and cut your expenditure. And sorry but the missus is as responsible for the mess as you are.

baxgttdi

Well done on posting, it's the first step. As above, considating is usally always a bad idea (due to everything being cleared and the temptation to run up the the cards again, we've all been there) but especially when it's secured against your home. Rather than looking for a quick fix it's time to look at the original cause of the problem which will pretty much come down to the fact your living a life style beyond your means. Why not post a SOA (statement of affairs) and I'm sure loads of people will be along to offer advice on your situation

tabby_cats_mum

You need to tell your wife ASAP.
Is she going to hit the roof because she has to curb her spending or because you haven't been entirely honest with her? Personally I'd be furious if my OH had lots of debts etc and hadn't confided in me but I'd knuckle down and help them sort it out.
I'm a newbie here myself but I think the second thing to do (after telling your OH) is to post a SOA, the people on here are great at finding you savings and give loads of excellent advice.

miss_missy

hi enabler

you need to talk to your wife about the problems, it might help if you have already done an soa which you can show her also

also i agree with op it does sound like you blame her but you also helped get to this stage

well done for posting and now you can try to get some help and advice everyone here is very supportive
use this and when complete post here for some advice use the mse format
http://www.makesenseofcards.com/soacalc.html

enabler

feel sick - I hadno idea that we were overspending like this

Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet
Household Information
Number of adults in household........... 2
Number of children in household......... 1
Number of cars owned.................... 1
Monthly Income Details
Monthly income after tax................ 2460
Partners monthly income after tax....... 0
Benefits................................ 135
Other income............................ 0
Total monthly income.................... 2595
Monthly Expense Details
Mortgage................................ 1255
Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 0
Rent.................................... 0
Management charge (leasehold property).. 0
Council tax............................. 148
Electricity............................. 85
Gas..................................... 60
Oil..................................... 0
Water rates............................. 45
Telephone (land line)................... 0
Mobile phone............................ 85
TV Licence.............................. 12
Satellite/Cable TV...................... 85
Internet Services....................... 0
Groceries etc. ......................... 500
Clothing................................ 150
Petrol/diesel........................... 200
Road tax................................ 0
Car Insurance........................... 35
Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 30
Car parking............................. 20
Other travel............................ 25
Childcare/nursery....................... 0
Other child related expenses............ 100
Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 20
Pet insurance/vet bills................. 0
Buildings insurance..................... 18
Contents insurance...................... 18
Life assurance ......................... 45
Other insurance......................... 0
Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 100
Haircuts................................ 60
Entertainment........................... 60
Holiday................................. 150
Emergency fund.......................... 0
(Unnamed monthly expense)............... 0
(Unnamed monthly expense)............... 0
gym memebership......................... 45
beauty treatments....................... 50
Total monthly expenses.................. 3401

Assets
Cash.................................... 0
House value (Gross)..................... 225000
Shares and bonds........................ 0
Car(s).................................. 5000
Other assets............................ 0
Total Assets............................ 230000

Secured & HP Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
Mortgage...................... 260000...(1255).....5.79
Total secured & HP debts...... 260000....-.........-
Unsecured Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
Sainsburys Loan................18000.....251.......0
Egg credit card................3800......110.......0
Capital One CC.................1800......60........0
Sainsburys cc..................4500......219.......0
Total unsecured debts..........28100.....640.......-

Monthly Budget Summary
Total monthly income.................... 2,595
Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 3,401
Available for debt repayments........... -806
Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 640
Amount short for making debt repayments. -1,446
Personal Balance Sheet Summary
Total assets (things you own)........... 230,000
Total HP & Secured debt................. -260,000
Total Unsecured debt.................... -28,100
Net Assets.............................. -58,100

Cleosmum

Landline? Road tax? Are the cards etc all really 0%?

comedy_dave

For a starter, your wife is going to need to get a job. If she was earning twice your salary at one point, then she should be able to get a job that will cover the shortfall and find a job with a creche.
Or maybe your little one could be looked after by helpful Grandparents, if they live nearby.
There not huge savings, but perhaps downgrade the mobile phones and satellite tv.