Cant afford my wife anymore

Cleosmum

So you could rent out a couple of en suite rooms then? Do think about it, its not great, I wouldnt want to share my house, but its a nice easy one, and if they have their own bathroom thats one less thing to worry about

Do talk her out of the shopping, she wont thank you if she finds out about the problems by being declined at every till.

JasX

enabler wrote: »

My wife will not got back to work - she has always been adament that she shoud stay home with our daughter. This is something she strongly believes in.

Thats fine, tho she might appreciate being given the choice of going back to work while there is still a chance of avoiding having said home repossessed?

kaz0705

Enabler, I'm not really one to comment on this situation as I don't have a family or a mortgage!

But i would say that you, as everyone says, need to speak to her. If nothing else, the WORSE case scenario, if this isn't taken under control, would be to lose everything. Imagine having this conversation then!

She needs to fully understand the situation so I think *when* (not 'if'!) you speak to her it would be useful to at least have your SOA to show her and, in addition, ways that can immediately cut down costs (a shopping budget taken from one of the boards on here for example).

Similarly, I think you should have the talk before she goes shopping tomorrow- better to hear from you that the card might be declined than from the shop assistant!

It's a scary position BUT you seem to be doing everything you can to provide for your family; all that will change is that you and your wife are going to have to start working as a team.

One question: are the debts in joint names?

She needs to take responsibility for her actions- maybe she's noticed there's a recession going on?!

I think the tax threashold is £5k a year or something. As someone said, if she just earnt that it would add a helpful amount and would easily work around your daughter's nursery and school hours.

Either way, something has to give and she needs to understand why. Be open, logical and practical- show how you hope *together* to get out of debt. And AVOID BLAMING one another!! If she blames you, don't rise to it but get her to look to the future.

Good luck, be brave :-)

pepsimax62

You talk about not wanting to disappoint your wife or her family but you have to start thinking of yourself a bit more otherwise you're going to make yourself ill.Try to talk to her as soon as possible and show her the budget but don't let her or her family make you feel guilty at all about cutting back.The money secret is an excellent book maybe you could get hold of a copy or of one of Martin's books and just leave it on the coffee table.Best of luck in sorting things out.

dancingfairy

Hi enabler - I think you know that the time has come for change. Firstly you really need to tellyour wife tonight if her card is likely to be declined in the shops.
Secondly - have you thought about approaching one of the debt charities - ie National Debtline, CCCS, or your local CAB and having a chat through the options? There are various things that might help - a dmp (debt management plan), an IVA (individual voluntary agreement) or bankruptcy - the debt charities should be able to talk you through the options and maybe get your head staright before really confessing all to the wife. Maybe you could hint at the problems and take it from there?
Also - as has been pointed out - you need to take action or you could be left with no home - nothing.
Good Luck
df

Nargleblast

You are at the point where you cannot borrow more. With a mortgage of 6 times your salary, and in negative equity, borrowing more money using the house as security is no longer an option. I guess your credit cards are at the limit as well, with no chance of extending your limits. You have no choice. The house sounds a beautiful place but it's just a box to live in when all is said and done. You can make a home and a life anywhere. Print off that SOA, the original one you posted, then print off one with all the adjustments as suggested on here. Compare them, see how you can start to attack the debt mountain with just a bit of planning and cutting back on non-essentials. Then show both SOA's to your OH when you talk to her. Never mind what her family will think, never mind what the neighbours think, be determined to turn this awful situation around for all your sakes. I am sure your OH will get the message and, if she is halfway to a decent human being, will get stuck in with you and make the necessary adjustments to your lifestyle. You can solve this, but it will take time, hard work and tough choices. We will support you all the way, as none of us are perfect when it comes to making a mess of our financial situations!

t4mof

enabler wrote: »

My wife will not got back to work - she has always been adament that she shoud stay home with our daughter. This is something she strongly believes in.

Myself and my husband stayed at home from our eldest being born in 2001 until my youngest started school in January 2009. However we both worked - we just passed each other on the driveway most evenings as he came in from work and I went out or vice versa.

We had no need for childcare until my husband got a full-time job last January. It is possible to stay at home but work part-time when your daughter is in bed or at weekends or whatever. Also with your daughter being 4 and almost starting school, could your wife get a job in a school - working school hours and getting school holidays off. There are options out there for your wife to bring in extra cash. Or as someone else has pointed out could she go out to work and you stay at home?? Again, this is something me and my husband did when I realised I would earn more working full-time than he did.

Also, people have probably stated the obvious cut backs on your SOA but have you thought about getting a water meter?? We are a family of 4 and my water DD is £19 a month on a meter. Not much of a saving but it's something.

Good Luck!

nic_santorini

some really good advice on here, I really don't see how you can manage this yourself. In fact you probably can't and your wife will have to see sense otherwise you will all end up in one big mess. The good thing is you are doing something, your wife can work when the little one goes to work and if she earnt double your salary, 20 hours a week should bring in thousands a year and help get the debts under control. I would cancel the satelitte if it is not in contract and get a freeview box. Your grocery bill is HUGE and can easily be halfed. Have a look at other threads about eating well and within budget. I wish you well with your chat, it needs to happen and the wife needs to listen and move forward together.

msgnomey

My first OH and I never talked about money, in my house my Dad did it all and in his house his Mum did it all, suffice it to say we both thought the other would sort it out and neither of us did any budgeting, just spending!!

My current OH and I talk about it and discuss all elements of our finances, we're not rich but we get by together and are happy.

The money secret is an excellent book I gave it to my DD before she left home. Very easy to read in a short time.

Also payplan are excellent at helping sort out financial difficulties and their service is free (I know, I have been there)

Apart form that (hugs) and talk to your wife sooner rather than later

Good luck

bouncydog1

You must speak to your wife tonight - you might not like the thought of doing it, but you have to. You said that she used to earn twice what you did, so she must have some idea of what you earn, unless she believes that you have had lots of increases. It might not be very palatable to her to learn that she is seriously going to have to adjust her outgoings, but better she knows now than finds out the hard way when her card is refused and her house is repossessed. At the end of the day, as others have said, your home is just bricks and mortar and it is not a home if it is not a place that you are happy in.

Many of us ladies would love to live the way your wife does, but view marriage as an equal partnership and I for one would be utterly appalled if my OH couldn't tell me about something like this. I would also take responsibility for living beyond our means.

Well done for posting - this can be sorted, but you have to take the first step.