Cant afford my wife anymore

Butti

I wouldn't recommend showing her the thread. I think it's a little judgemental in places, do talk to her though.

B

ninky_2

hi enabler (by name and nature).

you seem to be confusing who is responsible for what in the relationship. whilst you have been responsible for bringing in the money - and it's fair enough if you both decide to contiune down this path - it needs to be a joint responsibility to manage it.

i wouldn't go into a discussion with your wife blaming her spending for your debt. clearly you have both been culpable.

what you need to do is sit down together with your soa, see what is coming in and how you can budget your outgoings. make it a joint responsiblity. then your wife can't be mad about having to cut down on beauty treatments. if she can see a way of working them into the budget without sending you deeper into debt then fine (clearly she won't be able to). make it her responsiblity as well as yours to make the books balance and decide how you are going to do this.

roger196

If one of you must be a stay at home parent, on economic grounds it should be you and your wife should return to work full time as she can earn double your salary.
Your debts can be repaid if and only if you cut back hard, otherwise bankruptcy looms.
You must talk to your wife, discuss what roles each of you should have in the relationship. You need to set out an agreed monthly budget. Cut up the credit cards.

tabby_cats_mum

You are both living beyond your means, at some point it will go horribly wrong and you'll be able to get no more credit and be unable to service your debts. However you are in this position from overspending, you can see clearly where the money has/is going, therefore you can start to make changes.
I get the impression you have total control of the finances and your wife is given or takes what she likes. Perhaps she would be better dealing with your household finances, she doesn't work and has the time to make financial spread sheets or sell on Ebay for example. Better still sort out a financial plan between the pair of you.
Show her your SOA so she can see what is going on and work through it together. Yes she might blow a fuse but at the end of the day you are both healthy, the money hasn't been spent on drink/drugs/the horses and you've got each other and the little one. Plus you are getting shed loads of brilliant advice already.

zarazara

enabler wrote: »

feel sick - I hadno idea that we were overspending like this

Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet
Household Information
Number of adults in household........... 2
Number of children in household......... 1
Number of cars owned.................... 1
Monthly Income Details
Monthly income after tax................ 2460
Partners monthly income after tax....... 0
Benefits................................ 135
Other income............................ 0
Total monthly income.................... 2595
Monthly Expense Details
Mortgage................................ 1255 this is high,haveyou considered selling and downsizing?
Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 0
Rent.................................... 0
Management charge (leasehold property).. 0
Council tax............................. 14again,high
Electricity............................. 85 !!!!!!!!!!!massive,shop arund ,maybe change provider
Gas..................................... 60high
Oil..................................... 0
Water rates............................. 45 high
Telephone (land line)................... 0
Mobile phone............................ 85 very high, drastically reduce
TV Licence.............................. 12
Satellite/Cable TV...................... 85 cancel this
Internet Services....................... 0
Groceries etc. ......................... 500 high,reduce to £300 a month or less
Clothing................................ 150 use what you have for now
Petrol/diesel........................... 200 high,can you walk more?
Road tax................................ 0
Car Insurance........................... 35
Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 30
Car parking............................. 20
Other travel............................ 25
Childcare/nursery....................... 0
Other child related expenses............ 100 what is this?
Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 20
Pet insurance/vet bills................. 0
Buildings insurance..................... 18
Contents insurance...................... 18
Life assurance ......................... 45
Other insurance......................... 0
Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 100 reduce drastically
Haircuts................................ 60 reduce,go to students or even cut each others hair ,[me and my OH do.]
Entertainment........................... 60 reduce
Holiday................................. 150 is this booked? if not,cancel it.
Emergency fund.......................... 0there should be something here
(Unnamed monthly expense)............... 0
(Unnamed monthly expense)............... 0
gym memebership......................... 45cancel go walking or jogging instead
beauty treatments....................... 50what ?why? cancel.
Total monthly expenses.................. 3401

Assets
Cash.................................... 0
House value (Gross)..................... 225000
Shares and bonds........................ 0
Car(s).................................. 5000
Other assets............................ 0
Total Assets............................ 230000

Secured & HP Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
Mortgage...................... 260000...(1255).....5.79
Total secured & HP debts...... 260000....-.........-
Unsecured Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
Sainsburys Loan................18000.....251.......0
Egg credit card................3800......110.......0
Capital One CC.................1800......60........0
Sainsburys cc..................4500......219.......0
Total unsecured debts..........28100.....640.......-

Monthly Budget Summary
Total monthly income.................... 2,595
Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 3,401
Available for debt repayments........... -806
Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 640
Amount short for making debt repayments. -1,446
Personal Balance Sheet Summary
Total assets (things you own)........... 230,000
Total HP & Secured debt................. -260,000
Total Unsecured debt.................... -28,100
Net Assets.............................. -58,100

if you reduce spending as suggested you can throw the extra saved at clearing the debts quicker. and CUT UP THOSE CARDS.

Nargleblast

Unfortunately, being in negative equity, the OP does not have the option of selling up and buying a smaller house. Even if they put the house on the market and it sold, there would still be a shortfall that he would have to find from somewhere. And if the house were repossessed (which could happen soon if the OP and his OH don't take action) then it would be sold off for much less than it is worth, so there would be even more of a deficit. I think it is clear that the OP and his OH are in debt crisis, living in a house of cards which will very soon come tumbling down about their ears. What price clothes, beauty treatments, satellite TV, gym memberships then?

I would suggest to the OP and anyone else in a similar position to read Martin Lewis's book "The Money Diet" and Alvin Hall's "Your money or your life." I am ploughing through them both at present and find them extremely helpful.

Nukumai

enabler - facing up to your situation is your first step towards getting it resolved. Well done.

Do, though, consider changing the title of this thread if you decide to have your wife read it...

niccatw

Nargleblast wrote: »

I would suggest to the OP and anyone else in a similar position to read Martin Lewis's book "The Money Diet" and Alvin Hall's "Your money or your life." I am ploughing through them both at present and find them extremely helpful.

Good idea! I only had a flickering light bulb moment the first time I read it; 2 years later and I'm ready to knuckle down and tackle it with way more awareness and determination!

With regards to the mortgage, are you currently overpaying any at all? I ask, because, depending on when you bought, the interest rates may have come down and you may be making a small overpayment. In which case you can ask that all the overpayment goes toward the unsecured loan on the mortgage, rather than being distributed between the two - as the unsecured loan will never reduce and, depending on the provider, even if you weren't in negative equity, you wouldn't be able to move your mortgage. No prizes for guessing how I figured that one out

I'd also suggest reading some of the DFW diaries for inspiration. You find out how people are dealing with their every day battles with tackilnig debt, the highs and the lows and the trials and tribulation of things like speaking to creditors and trying to keep a spending diary! It's great for keeping you motivated. It may be a useful way of looking at the situation together with your wife too - you can say you stumbled across the site and read a few diaries which made you think... and take it from there.

Good luck

enabler

I'm overwhelmed by the replies here - although if I'm brutally honest I was hoping someone would offer me a quick fix or opt out suggestion............deep down I knew it wasn't going to happen.

Haven't spoken to my wife....she's downstairs cooking our dinner and my in laws are also here - they're going shopping tommorrow but the I haven't paid the credit card payment yet so it's going to be refused I'm sure:(

i've been using credit cards to top up my salary and to pay the minimum payment but they're either maxed out or I can't pay the min amount

salary due in end of week but am over the OD limit so will have enough to pay mortgage and thats it

I hate this house. Its a new build 'executive' style, 5 bedrooms, 4 ensuites, study, double garage. She loved it and still loves it - every room is immaculate. I didnt think we'd be able to borrow this much but somehow it was approved and I didn't want to disappoint her or her family. The mortgage is interest only as well -wish I could give the keys back

a few people asked questions:
gas/elec high because is a big house I guess
groceries - this was a guess but she spends at least 100 a week.....she does cook from scratch and enjoys doing it but the things we eat are probably not cheap or 'budget' options
other travel - this is train fares for wife or sometimes me as we only have 1 car
other child expenses - daughter does a tumble tots class, plus swimming and something music based
beaty treatments - nails are done every month and then she usally ahs something else at same time

apr's -I'll get back on that....not sure tbh and I never really checked, wasjust thankful I had gotten more credit. What an !!!!

tudorfan22

it sounds like your wife needs to know and needs to prioritise - would she really be so pleased to go for her treatments/shopping etc if she knew how much grief it was causing you? if your relationship is worth anything, she'll make a few (a lot) of compromises!

i would!