Cant afford my wife anymore

BILLIE

As I have said already concerned enabler has not come back and can see that a couple of you are also worried. Has anyone seen him on another thread!! Billie x

Numpty_Monkey

Last Activity: Yesterday 3:53 PM

tiff

No he hasnt posted anywhere else and last visited the site yesterday afternoon. I hope he feels able to post soon.

WASHER

According to his profile, he logged on yesterday just before 4.00pm.

bloojeans

I am realy no expert at giving advice.

I had got us is quite a lot of debt for us. And was terrified to tell my husband but he was a star. very annoyed and upset at first but a big hug and support after the shock of it.

Tell your wife, its not easy and she may well hit the roof but im sure she will get over it. I understand ife wanting to be around for your daughter,but as your daughter is 4.Your wife will have at spare time, part time work would not be a problem ? time spent working better than time spent spending.

As I said I am no one to be giving advice to. I WAS a big spender but its just not worth the stress. So glad I told my DH. Im now becoming a bit od a scrooge.

Jo x

bloojeans

Hope all is well.

Jo x

cupcake83

enabler wrote: »

I know.............

she spends most days shopping, at the gym or taking our daughter to one of her classes -not sure what she will do with her time if this is entirely cut.

I'm currently a stay at home mum with a 9 month old and with very little money, I take my son to playgroup twice a week, which costs £1 each time, the rest of the time I have friends (who are also SAHM) over or I go to theres, go for walks, visit family and to break up my day I pick my little sister up from school.

It may be hard but in order to have less of this worry and to try and clear the debt your wife will need to try and do other things that require no or little money.

I plan to return to work part-time whilst son is in nursery and then full-time whilst he is at school, is this something your wife would consider?

As others have said you really do need to sit down with your wife and talk about the debts etc.

Good luck.

leanneq

I cannot see how your wife cannot know that you are overspending. The life you are leading is way beyond your means, and it's obvious. If i knew you, i would think to myself, 'they're in debt'.
To you have the lifestyle you lead, you need much more incomings than you have.
You need to get the bills/bank statements etc and show her. She HAS to work, she doesn't have the option to have the life of riley.
It amazes me that you would even think of getting a mortgage that big. That is ridicolous! I earn similar to you and my mortgage is just under £600 a month. I have a lovely house, 3 bedrooms but there is no way i'd have a mortgage over £1k a month.
I know this is a bit harsh but it needs to be. You have to change, you have a good income and can have a good life without all this stress.
Let us know how it goes

enabler

Bit of a sheepish hello from me here and thanks for all the responses -even the harsh ones, thanks especially to those who messaged me.

I've told my wife that we can't afford this lifestyle anymore and about the debts. She knew I had credit cards but thought we were managing the minimum payments ok - but we've talked about that now. I won't lie, there were tears and tantrums but hopefully we're moving on from that now. Upshot is the gym, sky tv and holiday has gone, mobile reduced, she won't be renewing some of our daughters activities at easter and instead is looking at pre-school which apparently is free?? Staying is the house (no choice as in neg equity) and she insists on her beauty stuff but has agreedto look for cheaper places/go less etc

so hoping this will begin to make a difference........

She does not want to work though and told me she's desperate to have another baby....something she's mentionned before but I've consistently said I wansnt ready which was really the fear of more children when finances are dire. Now this is in the open we've been truthful and I said that if we could get things stabilised then we could.

I should clarify that wife earnt more than me when we met but as I moved into management I surpassed her salary. She's led a rather priviledged lifestyle where luxuries were the norm. She has said that she wanst to ask her parents for help but I'm totally against this and have said as much. We should sort this ourselves but she says we'll have to tell them when we pull out of the holiday.

taxi73

Well done on telling her and at least she is willing to cut back BUT I still don't think that's enough and the only way I can see you keeping up with the payments as well as trying to clear a bit of debt is to have your wife working.
Having another baby is stupid....can you not convince her that having a few years at work to clear the debt then you'll be in a position to have a baby.No point in having a baby only to have nowhere to live.
Sorry if it sounds harsh...your wife really does have to get the picture!!!