Feeling Trapped

ninky_2

Feeling_Trapped wrote: »

I was told differently I must admit.

That he can work around my hours and is therefore available for weekend/evening work.

your partner would not be eligible for income based jobseekers allowance anyway as you are working.

and he obviously won't have made enough recent NI contributions to get contributions based JSA.

it's the same reason SAHM's can't get it.

Gemsgalore

Has he said why he doesn't want to be with you? Is it something you have done or said? Most people when they know for definate that it's over, just want to separate and sort out access to kids, money etc. So, I'm wondering if he is just bored with the relationship and it needs some spice, weekends away, time for just the two of you etc........have you both been so wrapped up in your baby that you have forgotten each other? It happens a lot.

Otherwise, is he depressed, he certainly sounds it, maybe he needs to see his GP, have you asked him to? Just a few suggestions.

Sunshine12

Feeling_Trapped wrote: »

Just curious as to what I said in my posts that would get slated. Might give me an insight as to why bf does seem to have such a problem with me.

I wasnt having a go at you personally (sorry if it came across that way), as per my first post I think its awful you feel the way you do. I was making a general observation and just pointing out was that IMO if a man posted the very same things as you did they would get a hard time for suggesting feelings of resentment; that their wife didnt really do as much round the house as they should (or as they perceived they did) and the kid was pretty easy to look after so why couldnt the wife get a job as well. I know if a man posted along those lines, I would (rightly or wrongly) think he was a complete t*sser.

I wasnt commenting about your overall relationship situation as I dont know enough about it.

jackie1964_2

I purchased my house in 2002 and remarried in 2007 and had the mortgage in both our names.Due to that fact there was equity in my house I had a will drawn up stating that 80% of the property is mine and my children.

His first wife has now got the CSA to put a land reg order on my house for his arrears.

Can anybody advise me what to do as this is my childrens money not hers.

Also my husband has not worked for two years so I hace kicked him out.

I know i sound harsh but I have worked full time all my childrens lives and they have had to be put into childcare to fund this house, why should they lose out.

Feeling_Trapped

Gemsgalore wrote: »

Has he said why he doesn't want to be with you? Is it something you have done or said? Most people when they know for definate that it's over, just want to separate and sort out access to kids, money etc. So, I'm wondering if he is just bored with the relationship and it needs some spice, weekends away, time for just the two of you etc........have you both been so wrapped up in your baby that you have forgotten each other? It happens a lot.

Otherwise, is he depressed, he certainly sounds it, maybe he needs to see his GP, have you asked him to? Just a few suggestions.

I pushed him away when our daughter was born. I was later diagnosed as having PND as the birth was a bit traumatic. I also had issues of not wanting to go back to work full time.

He couldn't cope with this I guess. Since he told me his issues, I have tried my damnest to get us back on track, but he has pulled away from me ever since. Said he tried for months, but I kept pushing him away, so I'm not sure if this is my punishment or what.

Sunshine12

jackie1964 wrote: »

I purchased my house in 2002 and remarried in 2007 and had the mortgage in both our names.Due to that fact there was equity in my house I had a will drawn up stating that 80% of the property is mine and my children.

His first wife has now got the CSA to put a land reg order on my house for his arrears.

Can anybody advise me what to do as this is my childrens money not hers.

Also my husband has not worked for two years so I hace kicked him out.

I know i sound harsh but I have worked full time all my childrens lives and they have had to be put into childcare to fund this house, why should they lose out.

Hi Jackie

You would probably be besting starting a a new thread so that there is no confusion with replies.

Gemsgalore

Feeling_Trapped wrote: »

I pushed him away when our daughter was born. I was later diagnosed as having PND as the birth was a bit traumatic. I also had issues of not wanting to go back to work full time.

He couldn't cope with this I guess. Since he told me his issues, I have tried my damnest to get us back on track, but he has pulled away from me ever since. Said he tried for months, but I kept pushing him away, so I'm not sure if this is my punishment or what.

It probably is

You both need to talk about this so badly. Having a baby is the most stressful and life changing time in any couples life. PND can take a long time to go and many men just don't understand or 'get it' at all. You both need councelling before you decide to throw this away. He feels unloved, you now feel unloved and the whole thing is snowballing out of control here. Please see your GP together and ask for councelling, or pay privately if you don't want to wait. Tell him he owes your baby this much and you have both probably forgotten how to be a couple and need to relearn this again. At the moment you are just mum and dad.
Please give it a go.....what do you think?

peachyprice

Feeling_Trapped wrote: »

Granted. But not really helping my situation.

Sorry OP, that wasn't aimed at you, but to those who think because he is a man he should be treated differently to a SAHM.

jamespir

shellsuit wrote: »

Why give him this? Stop giving him it, then he will have to find money from somewhere.

isnt that money that ladies who stay at home expect from their respective other's who work

hes no different except he's a man

Poodlecrazy

Hi

For what it's worth I don't think it makes one bit of difference in terms of who does what or who hoovers this room, that room or cooks dinner. In my case (and I suspect Feeling Trapped is the same) it was the feeling of doing everything and the total lack of respect that I had for my DD's father for not doing anything. A true partnership, whether you have a child together or not, is about both people contributing in their own way to the whole. Where one party is nto doing their fair share then resentment builds up.

This would be the same if the man went out ot work every day and came home to a woman expecting him to also do the housework. He'd soon start moaning. It's about lack of respect for the other person's contribution and lack of equality.

If you really feel that there is no way to redress the balance within your relationship and feel that it is definitely over I see you have no option but to leave. As the mother you arguably have the first right to take your daughter with you, whether this is fair or not I don't know but I certainly didn't contemplate doing anything else and we're all doing fine now.

Good luck