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Feeling Trapped
Comments
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He drives me to the station and picks me up (most of the time).
He looks after our little girl. He gives her breakfast, snacks and lunch.
He does the hoovering and mopping.
He cleans the bathroom.
Um, what else is there to do with housecleaning?
He seems to think he does "everything."
I would love to be able to say "b0g off" to him, but my mortgage is £992 per month (I earn £2,028 a month), which would be fine if I didn't have a child to look after.
It would be lovely if I could stay in the house. If I didn't have to worry about finding money for his phone bill, maintenance on his car, his food etc, his "pin" money etc., maybe I would actually be alright. How much do foreign au pairs charge? I'd have a spare room if he was gone!
EDITED TO ADD: That won't work would it? I'd have to find money to buy him out of the house.0 -
Have a look at the different childcare options where you are, nurseries and childminders. Get a feel for what the other options are. They also have the advantage that your little one will learn how to interact with other children of a similar age.
It sounds like he's given up on you two having a relationship too, so stop paying for his car and his mobile or giving him spending money. What does he need it for, last time I looked going to the park is free. Give him a reason to consider going back to work as at the moment your making it easy for him to play with the little one all day and do nothing else.
As your paying all the bills, how about talking through whats going on with your parents, see if between you there is a way you can kick him out of your house (your paying for it) and sorting your daughter with suitable childcare. Maybe your mum can come and stay for a couple of weeks whilst you sort childcare and get rid of him out of your house. You can easily be a single parent and have a full time job too, you will also find childminders will tell you everything your little one does all day, what they eat, when they do their business and what they played with (all the stuff you feel your missing out on now).
As he does next to nothing in the house all day, how do you know he's not just sitting your little one in front of the TV for the day, I have to ask as you say he can't tell you what they have done all day.
Don't forget taking responsiblity for yourself is being a good rolemodel, using childcare so you can provide for your child is a positive thing, your DD would gain from the experience.0 -
Feeling_Trapped wrote: »
It would be lovely if I could stay in the house. If I didn't have to worry about finding money for his phone bill, maintenance on his car, his food etc, his "pin" money etc., maybe I would actually be alright. How much do foreign au pairs charge? I'd have a spare room if he was gone!
My friend at works just got one its £80 a week for an au-pair, + food and lodging0 -
Feeling_Trapped wrote: »He drives me to the station and picks me up (most of the time).
He looks after our little girl. He gives her breakfast, snacks and lunch.
He does the hoovering and mopping.
He cleans the bathroom.
Um, what else is there to do with housecleaning?
He seems to think he does "everything."
I would love to be able to say "b0g off" to him, but my mortgage is £992 per month (I earn £2,028 a month), which would be fine if I didn't have a child to look after.
It would be lovely if I could stay in the house. If I didn't have to worry about finding money for his phone bill, maintenance on his car, his food etc, his "pin" money etc., maybe I would actually be alright. How much do foreign au pairs charge? I'd have a spare room if he was gone!
EDITED TO ADD: That won't work would it? I'd have to find money to buy him out of the house.
Why give him this? Stop giving him it, then he will have to find money from somewhere.Tank fly boss walk jam nitty gritty...0 -
My friend at works just got one its £80 a week for an au-pair, + food and logging
Really?! Cor, that ain't bad, is it?
I am going to start looking at things in more depth.
I do pay for everything now. But he sees himself as having a full time job (just like me), so why should he get paid for it, i.e. his share of bills, pin money, just like a stay at home mum would get. And I see his point.
I would like to kick him out. I probably could just get by. He likes frittering money away, I don't.
But legally, I can't just kick him out. His name is on the deeds, he's entitled to half the house, and I can't afford to buy him out.0 -
As your paying all the bills,
.
Why shouldn't she as the bread winner, exactly as my husband does , Nobody on here goes on about all the SAHM not paying their way.
If this was a man saying his SAHM does nothing all day there would be uproar.
As for getting an aupair, what difference will it make to your time with your child, and also when you get home YOU WILL be the one doing everything.
It seems like you resent the time your daughter has with her dad, when in fact you should be delighted that they are able to build up a relationship, its more importaint that your daughter building up a great relationship with a aupair.0 -
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Feeling_Trapped wrote: »
I do pay for everything now. But he sees himself as having a full time job (just like me), so why should he get paid for it, i.e. his share of bills, pin money, just like a stay at home mum would get. And I see his point.
Think more he's like a au-pair or child care. Give him a set amount a week (for a CM is about £3 per hr, he's doing 45 hours, so thats £135 per week), take off his share of the mortagage & bills, then leave him to use the remainder of his money to pay for HIS car, HIS petrol & HIS mobile. Also buy him a cheap exercise book and tell him as your paying for him to be childcare you expect the same service, which includes a detailed written account of what your DD has been doing each day.
A SAHM would also be doing the housework too, he is not so he only qualifies for the childcare allowance equal to that of a childminder. If he doesn't like it he needs to go out and get a job, himself.
It's obvious from what you have said there is not relationship left between you, so maybe its time to move it on to a more effective arrangement for the time being whilst you work out what you want to do.0 -
I am not surprised you resent him, it's hardly equal division of labour is it.
Is he depressed? is there some reason why he cannot do more housework etc?Blackpool_Saver is female, and does not live in Blackpool0
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