Feeling Trapped

cheepskate_2

[QUOTE=mummy_Jay;30161863 ell him as your paying for him to be childcare you expect the same service, which includes a detailed written account of what your DD has been doing each day.

[/QUOTE]

All SAHM's please take note. Daily written accounts , with no spelling mistakes.

If my DH said this to me , I think i know where my foot would be.

He is a SAHF not a childminder.

shellsuit

cheepskate wrote: »

How may i ask.
For crying out loud he is a SAHF, as obviously agreed between the two of them in happier times.

I'm a stay at home Mum and I do everything at home.

Thats looking after the baby in the day and sorting the older 2 out before and after school, washing, ironing, cleaning, hoovering, cooking, shopping, paying bills etc...

My OH works full time, so I don't expect him to come home from work and do things that I can do.

From what the OP has said, her OH doesn't even do half of the above, so if he wants to be a kept stay at home Dad, he should pull his finger out more!

It would be intersting to see who would do what, if the OP was the stay at home parent and her OH was the breadwinner.

Feeling_Trapped

cheepskate wrote: »

Why shouldn't she as the bread winner, exactly as my husband does , Nobody on here goes on about all the SAHM not paying their way.

If this was a man saying his SAHM does nothing all day there would be uproar.

As for getting an aupair, what difference will it make to your time with your child, and also when you get home YOU WILL be the one doing everything.

It seems like you resent the time your daughter has with her dad, when in fact you should be delighted that they are able to build up a relationship, its more importaint that your daughter building up a great relationship with a aupair.

In the beginning my problem was resentment over the time my bf spends with our daughter that I feel I miss out on.

Now, it is more that he doesn't want to be with me, like I have said, he has moved into the spare room and doesn't want anything to do with me.

I don't care about doing all the stuff at home, what I care about is the fact that we appear to have got to a point in our relationship where it is completely broken and can't be fixed, and I feel like I am stuck with him due to the fact that I work and he is the carer and I don't want to leave her.

Should I stick it out and just live there carrying on paying for everything just because he looks after her from 8-5?

I don't want to go down the road of sahm against sahd. I pay all the bills and mortgage because he would if I was the stay at home parent. That's not the issue!

cheepskate_2

Feeling_Trapped wrote: »

I feel like I am so stuck and don’t know what to do. I work all day for a man that doesn’t seem to appreciate it and I’m missing seeing my daughter grow up.

I wonder if this is actually the root of the problem

You are not appriciated at work thus a bit pssd off when you get home. Thus it looks like your DB had had an easy day ,building up father-daughter relationship. This is then resented as you are not able to do this to that extend.

I think you have 2 maybe 3 seperate issues here and need to takle them individually.

Look for a new job,
Takle boyfriend issues
look at reducing your hours.

It seems that you are resenting him because you dont get to spend time with daughter and bringing all manner of things to the table.

Sorry cross posted: maybe he is depressed / fed up as a lot of SAHM do

mummy_Jay

cheepskate wrote: »

All SAHM's please take note. Daily written accounts , with no spelling mistakes.

If my DH said this to me , I think i know where my foot would be.

He is a SAHF not a childminder.

But what I'm trying to say is as he doesn't want to be her partner anymore, why not treat him like a childminder.
As she is finding it stressful that he can not pull his weight and can't tell her what her daughters done or eaten, for what ever reason. If he wants to be just a childcare, treat him like it.

daska

It sounds as if he's moved out of your relationship but not out of the house and you're already separated in all but name. Talk to him and find out if he wants to complete the process.

But, bear in mind that he might choose to find a flat, take your child, claim IS, all the CB and CTC and housing/council tax benefit help. As he is the primary carer you can't assume that he wouldn't get residency, yes, I think some judges are still biased in favour of the mother but not all (and funnily enough in our experience it was the male judge who was pro-mum and the female judge who decided enough was enough).

BTW An au-pair isn't supposed to have sole care of a child. They are there to be part of a family and learn about the language and culture of the country they are staying in; in return they help with the children and maybe do a bit of light housework and/or food preparation.

Feeling_Trapped

But, bear in mind that he might choose to find a flat, take your child, claim IS, all the CB and CTC and housing/council tax benefit help. As he is the primary carer you can't assume that he wouldn't get residency, yes, I think some judges are still biased in favour of the mother but not all (and funnily enough in our experience it was the male judge who was pro-mum and the female judge who decided enough was enough).

This is my biggest fear, which is exactly why I feel trapped. He definitely has the upper hand as far as I can see.

The only reason I am not the primary carer is because he hasn't got a job, and has no prospects of getting one either! Which is why everything is so unfair.

At the moment, everything benefits wise is in my name.

tabskitten

Get out- please life is short and precious.

is there any family who will help you in the short term?

feelinggood_2

tabskitten wrote: »

Get out- please life is short and precious.

This isn't just about her though, there is a Dad and a daughter to think of.

Objectively, what is best for the daughter?

foxy-roxy

feelinggood wrote: »

This isn't just about her though, there is a Dad and a daughter to think of.

Objectively, what is best for the daughter?[/QUOTE]

To be in a warm happy home, regardless of wether the parents are together or not.

The atmosphere in OP's home at the moment must be awful.

When my parents split the difference was amazing.

Do what makes you happy OP, because if your happy then your child will be too.