Deep breath -

Butterfly_Brain

JoJo I know where you're coming from my DD was a real *%@& to me when she was 17 but I held my own and told her if she didn't like the ground rules in our house tough.
She went to Uni at 18 and decided to live in halls, but because of funding problems (bloody student finance:mad:) She asked if she could come home we said yes and we sat down and talked for hours, there were tears and tantrums (on both sides) but we eventually came to an understanding of what all of us wanted.
Since then we are actually getting on and she has fitted back into family life and we are all so much happier.
Maybe living in the real world helped her to open her eyes to what she has and she appreciates us much more.
So there is light at the end of the tunnel - just let her go her own way and she will wake up to the fact that you are only this way with her because you love her and want what is best for her.

moggylover

Hugs again Jojo! Now you have explained more it does sound as if you are stuck with just waiting it out I'm afraid. I don't see any way that you can make her leave the BF at the moment but perhaps what Sam suggested about taking her out somewhere nice (if you can persuade her) and giving her a good time without "the problem" being raised by you would be a possible way of getting her to open up to you.

I'm sorry if I was too blunt: but I don't think it is easy to make lots of rules for kids this age unless you want to go the full hog of the ultimatum of stay and obey or go!

I always think the second one has to be a VERY last ditch one, and I'm still not sure I would be able to make it unless it was a matter of life and death:o

Hope you at least feel a little better for venting and that maybe there are one or two ideas on the thread that might help.

SUESMITH_2

nothing more to say but sending you lots of hugs cos i think you need them.

and i couldnt afford to feed bf when he eats like that, that's just disgraceful and disrespectful to you, not even going to go into bedroom antics but i also have a friend who has had v similar problems, your poor dd2!

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Everyone has made very constructive comments, for which I thank you, even the ones which take the opposite view to the ones others posted.

This is most likely going to be an ongoing thing (I can't see this being resolved easily), but in the meantime I will also be distracting myself by getting on with everyday things, like baking bread and talking about animals (my usual areas of chat, really).

I will be waiting for her if she decides she wants me.

esmf73

I think if they've had good values instilled in them early on they pull through eventually. It's more the ones who don't have that firm base who go off the rails completely imo.

Just to say that I totally agree with this and to anyone who is having difficulty with their children no matter what age - just keep going. You wouldn't have got to where you are today if people had given up on you (even if your parents did). But also take some time for yourself to unwind and relax away from all the hurtful comments.

I have this all to come .
Best of luck x

paddy's_mum

Somebody famously learned (Pepys, Dr Johnson?) once said -

Experience is a hard school but fools will learn in no other.

Sadly, I suspect that this is Jojo's situation and that nothing whatever will change, no matter what anyone does, says or tries, until the daughter is herself wounded enough to begin to see the dangerously sick relationship with the boyfriend for what it is.

Don't underestimate the forces she is bringing against everyone who stands in her way or thwarts her. This pair is using every scrap of effort, ingenuity and willpower they possess to get their own way, and Jojo will end up with a nervous breakdown if she is unable to accept that she must back off and leave them to it.

Sometimes the only loving thing left to a parent is to allow a child the freedom to run headlong into a brick wall .. and then be there to help pick up the pieces.

RachelW1987

euronorris wrote: »

He's 23....and she's only 15??

Have you tried reporting him?

When I was 15 my BF was 22 and he is now my fiance. We have been together 7 years and own our own houce etc etc.

You can't help who you fall in love with. We didn't have sex until I was 16 as he obviously knew it was illegal.

eklynne

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Everyone has made very constructive comments, for which I thank you, even the ones which take the opposite view to the ones others posted.

This is most likely going to be an ongoing thing (I can't see this being resolved easily), but in the meantime I will also be distracting myself by getting on with everyday things, like baking bread and talking about animals (my usual areas of chat, really).

I will be waiting for her if she decides she wants me.

Oh you poor thing, that last comment brought tears to my eyes. Of course she wants you. She just doesn't see things that clearly just now as she's looking through a thick fog of teenage angst and hormones. Stick in there and be strong. Just remember that parenting is the hardest and most thankless job in the world at times, but we all signed on the dotted line. She will come back to you, girls need their mothers.
(hugs)

Debtphobic_Dinah

There was a programme on the BBC last night called "I Hate Mum" that I found interesting and potentially helpful. Its on iPlayer. Hope your distractions help, I go out and walk the dog. Look after yourself
Di xx

essexgirly

Hi Jo jo, just wondered how you were doing