Deep breath -

Rikki

thatgirlsam wrote: »

but many , many do !

at 17 i would not call her a child ...she is very nearly an adult

.........not acting like one though.

trickytrolleys

Rikki wrote: »

Many children don't act like that at seventeen or eighteen so I don't see it as normal teenage behaviour.

She is pushing the boundaries but looks like she has come unstuck.

and those that dont generally is because their parents dont know, not that theyre not doing it

thatgirlsam

Rikki wrote: »

.........not acting like one though.

but some adults DO make bad choices ??

she is a young adult that needs to mature , she will grow up and change and realise one day that her mum was right !

but for NOW she needs to be treated not as a child , but as a young woman who has her own mind :cool:

trickytrolleys

and also, the important thing, is that this one is - so surely those that also did it are better to offer advice to the parents as they are the ones who may just be able to give advice that could stop the whole thing descending into madness.

I can understand how frustrating it must feel for her parents as they only want the best for her but they may just find their way of dealing with things could make it worse rather than better.

You have to deal with the teenager you've got, not the one you wish they were.

thatgirlsam

im not saying she should be left to do what ever the hell she likes ..

just that laying down very strict rules will maybe push her away

i wish my mum had asked me how i felt about my life , what i wanted , instead of telling me all about herself and how she felt

thatgirlsam

trickytrolleys wrote: »

and also, the important thing, is that this one is - so surely those that also did it are better to offer advice to the parents as they are the ones who may just be able to give advice that could stop the whole thing descending into madness.

I can understand how frustrating it must feel for her parents as they only want the best for her but they may just find their way of dealing with things could make it worse rather than better.

You have to deal with the teenager you've got, not the one you wish they were.

thats bliddy brilliant and in fact brought a lump to my throat

my mum constantly compared me to her friends daughters and wished i was like them / someone else

well i wasn't !

i was me !!

:rotfl:

elfen

I was always told: If you act like an adult, you're treated like an adult. Act like a child, and be treated as such.

When I was 17, I knew the rules: don't be in late on a weeknight as I have younger siblings. If I'm going to be late at the weekend, phone. If I'm going to be late period I have to phone. If I'm staying out, let them know. And heaven forbid a BF wanted to stay - they couldn't, I shared a room.

If your DD insists on acting like a child, then you can let her know she will be treated as such. Once she behave like an adult (including admitting she was wrong and apologising) then you can lay down some less strict rules for her.

trickytrolleys

but what we're trying to say Elfen is that you can lay down rules and give her an ultimatum but if you do be prepared for her to call your bluff and move out - nobody wants that and I hope JoJo knows that no-one is trying to be nasty, just honest

And I can honestly say (as a very headstrong person) that if my parents had tried that on me I would have flounced out, i would have regretted it and not wanted to do it but I would NEVER have admitted it and would have gone anyway - god forbid I could have ever possibly been wrong (although I was almost invariably wrong every single time)

Bitsy_Beans

I remember when my brother had just passed his test and he borrowed my mums car to go hang out with his mates. He was given a curfew to be home by (especially being a novice driver etc). He didn't turn up so my parents drove to the place they knew he would hang out, infront of his friends made him get into my dads car whilst my mum drove her car back home. At 17 he was given a condition, he broke it and paid the price by being humilated infront of his mates.
We had curfews for college nights, we had to phone if we were going to be late etc etc and at 17 I didn't have free rein but neither did I feel smothered. These were my parents rules and I accept that.

I got the impression that OP's ex was deliberately making things uncomfortable for his daughter as he didn't want to be seen as a soft touch (running back to daddy etc) and thinking she was going to have free rein whilst under his roof.
I don't think it's unrealistic to expect a 17 year old to realise that actions have consequences and the consequences have an impact on how she gets treated.

Hope you get things sorted Jojo x

System

I think when i was that age (well more 15/16) i was bloody nightmare to live with. Had an internet bf....that caused major falling out.Its only now at 23, looking back that i realise how unreasonable/disrespectful i was (and how unmeaningful any of that thing was).

I don't think there's anything wrong with restriction on school nights, especially when you consider that she's slacking at college, which i turn is putting her future in jepordy. By all means if a 17 year old acts mature and adult then treat them like adults. But when they act like kids, they should be treated as such. And she needs to learn from her own mistakes, which you may have to in some cases let her do.