Do we have a brat camp type boarding school in the UK?

GIRLPOWER_2

Sallys_Savings wrote:

It sounds as if you are in the same position that I was in a few years back...between my husband and son .........its pretty tough being in the middle.

My husband reacted the same as yours to my sons behaviour and we would argue about it continually.

I must admit I wasn't as tough as I should of been, I think that I'd been worn down and for an easy life (as you've mentioned in a post) you let things slip.

In the end it was best if I dealt with him ..as it seems you are.....and its a terrible burden and really stressful. I went through lots of emotions...as I presume you have...blaming myself (jeez what mother doesn't), but then looking at my other three children and realising that they were turning out ok and I'd brought them up in the same way.

Going on what my oh said was that he felt out of control, that he SHOULD do as we say. Which is fair enough, but what happens if he doesn't? It's not so clear cut then. quote]

Thats just how it is and just how I feel.... Thank you for your suppoting post.

louise_1981

As a trainee teacher I am quite interested in this post.

Spendless wrote:

I agree with both Toto and culpepper over the jacket. Toto is right when s/he says sometimes you just have to do what is told-that is part of growing up and culpepper is right when she said the teenager turned it into a weapon, to annoy the teacher. Why didn't the teacher just give him a choice of Jacket off or detention? Are they not allowed? My kids are too young for me to know.

GIRLPOWER-Did you ring parentline?

My oh is a teacher also and has had similar experiences with quite a few male teens. He uses the ignoring route effectively. had a boy who wore 4 coats in class. some classes not a problem but not a south facing ict room, where it gets hot pretty quickly. this was at the begining of the year and after a lot of ignoring and asking if he was too hot, all the jackets are now off

I would suggest the teacher in question seeks advice from collegues who deal with your son.

louise_1981

Have you looks at clubs run by the association of clubs for young people.

http://www.clubsforyoungpeople.org.uk/morethanjustaclub/

I used to be a mentor with them. Maybe they could provide a young male as a role model for your son, if your husband has lost patients with him. they give people a specific mentor who is matched up through their own experiences etc. they are fully trained and police checked. they run evenings with other youngsters, in similar positions, e.g. having problems at home, school, college etc. but more importantly they have one-to-one sessions, which are followed up if your young one does not show up for organised meetings.

However, I would say that as a parent, you need to keep giving these second and third chances (your husband too) as you said he is not that bad, does not do drugs, drink, has not got anyone pregnant!

My little bro was in a similar position, very effected by our dad's departure (no contact, where your husband comes back at weekends from work or not, it is going to effect your son by his lack of presence and what he does when he comes back) however, my brother became violent towards me, hit me with fists kicked me, my mother would do nothing, at one point he threatened me with a knife. this was happening to me until my uncle too an interest in him. then he changed, not dramatically, but the violence stopped and he began to do well at school, unfortunately not quite in time for his G.C.S.E.'s.
However, he has turned his life around and is in his second year of uni, even our relationship has improved, unfortunately the one with my mother has deteriorated and I have not spoken to her for two years.

mae

I would just like to add that for what its worth I really feel for you as my brother was a difficult teen and my parents brought him up exactly the same as me and my sister. It was awful living with him and stressful too but it wasn't my parents fault they were good parents. The only thing I would say is that my dad was brought up by an alcoholic so he had no role model and then when we were younger he worked all the time so maybe my brother needed a male role more in his life although we did have loads of holidays etc and when he was bad my dad (like your husband) wanted to give him a crack. Not ideal. So maybe the key is your husband. Maybe he needs to be actively involved with this life coach with your son and you take a step back or if your son goes to any clubs could your husband not attend too. Your husband is understandably angry at your son for his attitude but he needs to put you and your two younger children first and by behaving like this towards your older son he is affecting you lot. What I am trying to say is that my mum was always in the middle and believe me kids pick up on this and its more attention for the negative behaviour. Ignoring him letting some of the things go for a while like not even asking him to take his uniform off so he can't say no and letting dad take him out more on his own to clubs or life coach or pictures so they don't even have to speak to each other. Also you can do mentoring courses and maybe they could do that together coz that would help dad mentoring son and son helping others might boost his moral. You sound completely caring and a great mum good luck I know its not easy and try please try to let go of being in the middle.Try talking to your husband to try some different techniques for all your sanity if you can so can he.

flybynight

hav u tried talking to his detachment commander to see how he is getting on at cadets.... i know we have at least 2 lads who are problem / unccomunicative at home, they wont even acknowledge their parents exits, who are different with us, and we often find that these kids will look up to /.discuss / ask advie etc from a particular member of staff. i think it is beacuse we are external to the family, and although in a positiun of responsibility, we are not viewed as academic / school / parental . this could be as there are a few of us who are in our 20s and as such are closer to their age. that and we are seen as the ones doing the fun stuff PT / SAA? adventurous training etc.

Counting_Pennies_2

There is a good book called Raising Boys, while a lot of it is about the early years there is a good part about teenage years and the role models they require etc. It also talks about testosterone surges and what to expect and do. It might be worth a read.

shopndrop

Have you thought about his diet. Is he having any additives that could be affecting his behaviour. Not saying that food alone is responsible for his behaviour, but it could be a factor.

krad

You could try sending your boy to martial arts classes. It really depends on the trainer though. Some trainers will not take any smack and will really instill discipline in the kids. Either that you could send him to boarding school. http://www.langleyschool.co.uk is pretty good.

pulliptears

Krad, this thread is 2 years old

Mojisola

I wonder how it all worked out?