Do we have a brat camp type boarding school in the UK?

GIRLPOWER_2

Prudent wrote:

I would strongly advise you against sending you son to one - he will mix with children with much greater social and emotional problems and be adversely affected. Many of the children in them are violent and abusive towards staff and other children.

This is my fear.. I watched bad lads army that I had taped last night and it makes him liik like a siant.

I

GIRLPOWER_2

Sallys_Savings wrote:

Hi *hugs*

Is there anything else that you could get him involved with?...canoeing club, swimming, kick boxing etc.?

He will only consider joining a football team but they as I answered above kick him off...

Have you seen anyone about him? ..social services etc?

I worked for the poilce for 9 year upto December and I have no faith in these or the RSPCA form my experiances with them.

I personally think the money would be well spent on someone lilke the tv nanny coming around to assess your situation and son.

Thats a great Idea.. I will see if I can book her.. she must have a web site.

I was wondering, does he have learning difficulties? problems at school with his learning?

Yes he does... gets extra help lessons at school.. has a very low reading age.

IHe says he hates cadets..but does he really..is that not just the reaction that he thinks he should give? After all it would be uncool to say he actually enjoyed it

He went along to cadets and absolutely loved it in the end, after being told off a few times. (but the people there were really good about it and worked with me).
Well I wont rant on anymore....what I'm trying to say is...the road may be tough and rocky but it will lead you to that beautiful garden in the end.
My son is now in the army parachute regiment and has turned into a man
that I am extremely proud of.

My fingers are crossed for him.. I have expalined to him that if I did not love him I would not care what became of him.. I want him to be happy and have a good life.

GIRLPOWER_2

jos wrote:

He sounds like a very unhappy young man to me.

Thats made me cry.

I think he is.. but I do not know why???..

We do family days every weekend.. Sundays afternoons playing board games and watching movies.. have a family tea together every night.. all home cooked and lovley.. we live in a nice bigish house.. in a nice area.. with a big garden. have nice hoildays at least twice a year.. go away for weekends often.. every november we see the alton towers fireworks..Easter & christmas day is about 30 family members all together having dinner.. he has his brand clothing.. his bedroom is full of x boxes, playstations, dvd's videos, stereo, laptop, mobiles............ Whats his flamin problem!!!
He respects no one..

elaine373

we are all a product of our parents upbringing.(obvious statement i know) I know its a flipping nightmare bringing up some children but i reckon your son is unhappy- and has a low self esteem. Like alot of teenagers he is putting his unhappiness across to you with negative behaviour.I still think you could do with some help here from child guidance and that might include sessions with all the family or at least him,you and his dad. I had years of really bad behaviour from my first son(and i mean really bad)we get on ok now(coz he has left home!)I know that somewhere i could have done things different even though i tried my best. I also realise that when a child has worn you out you might feel like you just cant be done with any-more effort with trying to help the negative behaviour.You could really benefit from some-one elses perspective on this situation.but i know its a scary thing to do.Its also very hard to show love to a child that drains you 24/7. You need to build on the positive but i know from experience how hard this can be, all the best...

elaine373

GIRLPOWER wrote:

We do family days every weekend.. Sundays afternoons playing board games and watching movies.. have a family tea together every night.. all home cooked and lovley.. we live in a nice bigish house.. in a nice area.. with a big garden. have nice hoildays at least twice a year.. go away for weekends often.. every november we see the alton towers fireworks..Easter & christmas day is about 30 family members all together having dinner.. he has his brand clothing.. his bedroom is full of x boxes, playstations, dvd's videos, stereo, laptop, mobiles............ Whats his flamin problem!!!
He respects no one..

Maybe he needs more one to one.

GIRLPOWER_2

elaine373 wrote:

Maybe he needs more one to one.

I asked him tonight if he wanted to watcha film when I had put the younger ones to bed and he said no.. no reason.. no thanks but no thanks.. just ... NO!

But I hear what your saying and wil try to have a me, dad and eldest son event. to see what reaction it gets'

Sallys_Savings

**super big hug** ..........just to let you know that I'm thinking of you.

elona

Is there anyone that he will spend time wirh one to one ?

Re the coat or jacket issue - could you meet him at home wearing fur coat or somethig that looks ridicolous? walk about in it and let him see how out of place you look?

Sallys_Savings

GIRLPOWER wrote:

http://www.completemindtherapy.com/childrens%20issues.htm

I have calmed down a little now.. It was a really bad week with him. and have done some searching and have found a life coach for him..(see above link) and it's only 5 minutes away from my house.

I thank you all for you advice it's really made me think and whilst I can understand people thinking he may be pushed out after 9 years as an only child it's really not like that.. he has always had a odd attitude.

I love him withyout question, I just do not like how he's turning out and it's having a big effect on the younger two.

The reason as I see it as to why he has no friends is he is bone!! They knock on and I hear him at the door asking what you doing?? where you going??? a million questions followed by a No, I carn't be bothered.. they have stopped knocking now.

I really do not think he's being bullied at school. He is the sort of lad who if he thinks he has been wronged in any way he will shout it from the roof tops! but it is something that I had not thougt of so will monitor that one.

Thanks again.. will let you know how the life coach sessions go.. let me know what you think or if anyone has tried it before with there children.

Good luck with this.......I'll have my fingers crossed for you and your son.

It sounds as if you are in the same position that I was in a few years back...between my husband and son .........its pretty tough being in the middle.

My husband reacted the same as yours to my sons behaviour and we would argue about it continually.

I must admit I wasn't as tough as I should of been, I think that I'd been worn down and for an easy life (as you've mentioned in a post) you let things slip.

In the end it was best if I dealt with him ..as it seems you are.....and its a terrible burden and really stressful. I went through lots of emotions...as I presume you have...blaming myself (jeez what mother doesn't), but then looking at my other three children and realising that they were turning out ok and I'd brought them up in the same way.

Going on what my oh said was that he felt out of control, that he SHOULD do as we say. Which is fair enough, but what happens if he doesn't? It's not so clear cut then.

I'm sure hes not bad...just very lonely and confused and if this life coach can help, even the tiniest amount that will be great


All the very best.

mags50_2

GIRLPOWER wrote:

He respects no one..

....not even himself...it seems to me.

I work with young people like this... don't give up on him (( hugs))

There's no easy solution... just let him know that you LOVE him even if you don't LIKE him sometimes.

pm me if you need to chat... I understand how difficult it is for parents sometimes.

Take care