Do we have a brat camp type boarding school in the UK?

culpepper

From here it sounds like
A. You all hate his guts
B. His little siblings are loved,he is not
C. You will pay money to be rid of him.
D. You will remove any comfort left in his life as a punishment.
LOL well im sure thats not how it is really but could he be thinking that it is?
The jacket thing always gets me...What does it matter if he wears it ,unless it is a technical lesson or P.E. His weapon with the teacher is NO he wont take it off but if the teacher ignores his wearing it,problem solved.

dora37

GIRLPOWER wrote:

Think I will give parent line a call and book him into a do it 4 real camp for the first week of the holidays to give us a break. and see.. I have been looking and the net bratt camp USA costs about 13 grand for a few months. worth a thought me thinks.

Whilst you are obviously having problems with your son, the Do it 4 Real Camp is not a 'brat/boot camp' it is an activity/creative holiday - surely you would be knowingly passing 'your problems/issues' onto someone else to deal with, especially if he felt that he was being 'sent away'?

My DS2 is going on a Performing Arts week with Do it 4 Real, however he is going because this is a subject he really enjoys and he sees it as being a treat.

I only hope my sons course is not full of children who have been sent away by parents who cannot address their child's issues.:mad:

Toto

culpepper wrote:

From here it sounds like
A. You all hate his guts
B. His little siblings are loved,he is not
C. You will pay money to be rid of him.
D. You will remove any comfort left in his life as a punishment.
LOL well im sure thats not how it is really but could he be thinking that it is?
The jacket thing always gets me...What does it matter if he wears it ,unless it is a technical lesson or P.E. His weapon with the teacher is NO he wont take it off but if the teacher ignores his wearing it,problem solved.

I disagree with the jacket thing. He has been asked by his teacher to remove the jacket, so he should damned well remove the jacket. Kids these days get away with far too much in school imo which is why so many of them act like brats and make life a misery for everyone. In life we all have to do things we don't want to do, if we refuse there are consequences. I don't particularly want to work every hour god sends to pay the council tax, corporation tax etc, but I have to, same as every one else.

Kids need to know that childhood isn't just about having fun, it's the training ground for adulthood. They need to understand that throughout their lives there will always be people in authority giving them rules to live by, not all they will agree with, but rules they have to keep or risk severe punishment. That's life.

So, I agree that if the child is breaking the household rules he should know the consequences and he should live with it.

Spendless

I agree with both Toto and culpepper over the jacket. Toto is right when s/he says sometimes you just have to do what is told-that is part of growing up and culpepper is right when she said the teenager turned it into a weapon, to annoy the teacher. Why didn't the teacher just give him a choice of Jacket off or detention? Are they not allowed? My kids are too young for me to know.

GIRLPOWER-Did you ring parentline?

culpepper

The idea of him getting the detention or taking off the jacket is good but....
He is after attention and he is getting it.
He doesn't CARE if it is negative attention and it will give him 'street cred' with the other pupils.
School does introduce a lot of rules which are pointless unless explained and then sometimes are proved to be pointless anyway. Teens pick up on this and it becomes a battle of wills.
Better for the whole class if X wears his jacket and the lesson can start,than X is the centre of attention,Teacher is in a foul mood because of X etc.

Toto

Then don't argue with X just send him out of the class where he won't get street cred. Too much fannying around with kids.

Life is full of pointless rules, I agree with that, but none of us can sucessfully go through life breaking them all because we don't agree with them or like them. Kids need to learn that early.

Prudent

Paying for a specialist boarding school dealing with behavioural issues is very expensive. Fees are between £900 -£2000 per week. I would strongly advise you against sending you son to one - he will mix with children with much greater social and emotional problems and be adversely affected. Many of the children in them are violent and abusive towards staff and other children.

I am not sure from what you say what the root cause of your son's behaviour is. However the impact on the family is clearly significant. You need a professional assessment. To get one done privately would cost around £300- 500, but may be worth it to allow you to push your gp for more support.

Confrontations with these children rarely work. I would advise the teacher to try a different approach e.g. You can take off your jacket or leave it on. I would like you take it off for your own comfort, but you can still learn with on'. In this way he has reinforced expectations without loosing a battle. It is essential to the child's sense of security that the adult remains calm and in charge. You are also making the child take responsibilty for their own behaviour. If doing something is essential then spell out a consequnce in a non punative way eg. ' I am sorry but if you keep on your jacket I will he to ask you to leave the room. That would be a shame as you have much to contribute to the lesson, but it is your choice'.

Rallya

Girlpower, I dont wish to worry you at all god forbid, but are you sure he isnt being bullied at school? When I read your post the 2 things that came to mind was being bullied at school and being abused mentally or other forms of abuse. Not by you but maybe someone he knows? Just a thought, I really dont wish to offend or worry you but I had to let you know those were my thoughts

Sallys_Savings

Hi *hugs*

He sounds as if hes suffering enough without having to leave the family.
Hes mixed up and pretty confused with himself by the sounds of it.
Afterall growing up can be pretty difficult, some find it harder than others.
A whole bunch of emotions are going on in his head right now.
Hes craving attention and friends..it seems that the only way he can achieve this is by mishaving and then everyone notices him.
You say he hasn't got any friends..so he must be really lonely too. He is probably hearing everyone at school talking about their plans to go out etc and must feel awful .
At his age he can't see that his behaviour is damaging his relationships...now you wish him to leave home too
If you need a break, is there something that he would want to do/go rather than just sending him away. Cadets normally have holidays (which are really cheap too), have they got anything coming up?
Is there anything else that you could get him involved with?...canoeing club, swimming, kick boxing etc.?
Have you seen anyone about him? ..social services etc?
I personally think the money would be well spent on someone lilke the tv nanny coming around to assess your situation and son.
I was wondering, does he have learning difficulties? problems at school with his learning?
I can see where you are coming from, I've been there too..that you're worried about his sibling. That your at the end of your tether and just want him back to how he used to be. He will get through it with your guidance, support and love. Its difficult to know when to be strict and when to let things lie so not to exaggerate the problem. It took me a while to learn that with my own son.

He says he hates cadets..but does he really..is that not just the reaction that he thinks he should give? After all it would be uncool to say he actually enjoyed it

One of my sons was difficult to bring up from the age of 12 so I know exactly what it is like. He fortunately didnt drink (until he was older), drugs, (he did try cannabis at 17..but then he told me straight away and what a mistake it was) and didnt get into any trouble with the police.
I just stood one day in his bedroom and thought things could be alot worse..he could be in trouble, be expelled, up to his eyeballs in drugs, drinking every night of the week, staying out all night. etc.
He was very like your son....but luckily it was all diverted towards me for some reason and then it went into school in the final year. They actually ended up ignoring some of his behaviour (he refused to go to assemblies and would turn up for registration just as everyone was leaving to go to the next class ..so 15 mins late every day. His reason was that it was a waste of time.) The school decided to ignore this due to the fact that he wasnt skipping classes and felt if they had pushed the issue he might of bunked off to.)
He went along to cadets and absolutely loved it in the end, after being told off a few times. (but the people there were really good about it and worked with me).
Well I wont rant on anymore....what I'm trying to say is...the road may be tough and rocky but it will lead you to that beautiful garden in the end.
My son is now in the army parachute regiment and has turned into a man that I am extremely proud of.

jos_4

As another post said have you looked into the fact that he might be being bullied or just very unhappy at school as you said he had no friends. While his behaviour is probably having an affect on your 4 & 5 year old your reaction to it and the way that you talk/feel about your son is probably having an affect too, what do you think the younger ones would think if you 'sent' him away. He sounds like a very unhappy young man to me.