Do we have a brat camp type boarding school in the UK?

GIRLPOWER_2

Spendless wrote:

what's happening at army cadets? Does he try to pull stunts like I'm not taking my jacket off there and if he does what happens?

He is just quiet at cadets.. does not want to be there only doing it cos I'm paying him. hates every minute.

Think I will give parent line a call and book him into a do it 4 real camp for the first week of the holidays to give us a break. and see.. I have been looking and the net bratt camp USA costs about 13 grand for a few months. worth a thought me thinks.

pavlovs_dog

do you have any relatives nearby (parents/in laws/ siblings) who could take him off your hands, even for a week, just to give you a breather?

and are you getting any sort of support from the school, or do they see him as your problem?

elaine373

Its hard to understand how a disruptive older child can be having such an effect on a family, unless you have been in that situation.(I was with my eldest son)However, in my humble opinion,you need family therapy, because he is clearly unhappy about something and i am not making excuses for him but to get to the root of the problem you all need to sit down as a family with some-one who can help, I realise that it is his behaviour that is causing problems but surely he is worth a go with child guidance or something similiar.?? I do understand how desperate you are feeling but there is a reason for his behaviour and it may be easier to work out than you think, All the best of luck.

foreverskint

Are the younger ones step siblings?

I have major family issues as we are an extended family ( or whatever the PC term is now) and my eldest daughter has found it helpful to see the school counsellor. She can tell her things that she feels she can't talk to me about.

It must be very hard and I can sympathise with you. wanting a child away from the family must seem odd to some people but I know where you are coming from!

Speak to social services, they are there for all, not just difficult families, and they may have some solutions. Make an appointment to see the head and his year tutor, to let them know that you care about his behaviour, and the impact it is having on the class and your family. They too may have some suggestions.

I really hope that you can sort something out soon and that you can all have a happier life.
x

Counting_Pennies_2

It is a long shot, but have you tried contacting the BBC and asking if Tanya the psychiatrist on House of Tiny Terrorways has any interest, or indeed if she can recommend anyone in her field who specialises.

It is all well and good me sitting here as a mum of a toddler saying it, but I can just about remember my teenage years and I remember the confusion of life. I had a horrid teenage life. No abuse, nothing wrong, except I was lost in the world and felt it was against me. I didn't feel I had support, despite having parents who would do anything for me, I still didn't feel it, I felt everyone was against me at that age.

I tried the sitting in a chair in a counsellors office, and to be honest it didn't help, I couldn't articulate my feelings, it just made me bitter. But if there is someone who can positively recommend what you as a family could do to work this out it might help.

I had a spell in hospital (teenage confusion lead to me developing anorexia) and I was at a dangerous weight. I ended up spending a couple of months away from the family and it did help me to focus, I met some nice people and some odd people, but it helped me develop the drive (took a year to channel it properly) to do something constructive with my life.

So while I can totally appreciate your need to consider sending him off to boarding school, unless he has specifically requested it, I would suggest maybe going away to do something for a week or up to a month for the school holidays and see if he can integrate into a new local school for a fresh start in September, perhaps speak to the local Council for support.

The most important thing is throughout it all is not to make him think he is bad, encourage and love as much as you can. Perhaps find a couple of activity holidays for the summer and give him a choice of what he would like to do, but telling him an option of doing nothing isn't on offer. Perhaps by telling him you love him, and support him, that he isn't being rejected, but at the same time the attitude cannot continue and that he has to be civil to family and school.

The hardest thing I remember from my teenage years is feeling I had somewhere to belong in the world. Much as I hated my parents, I cried and cried the night they left me at the hospital to recover from anorexia. I returned with more confusion, but beneath it all a conviction to make a go of my life. It wasn't something that happened over night and there was a certain amount of agony over the months.

Sending him away against his will may tip him over the edge, perhaps try some things in the school holidays to give you all a break, and try to get some sort of family work going on to improve his behaviour, but to also look at the behaviours of the rest of the family towards him (especially mum and dad) it is very possible his nose has been unitentionally put out of joint by some minor issue in your eyes and some work to reassure could be the turning point in his behaviour.

Good luck.

Counting_Pennies_2

I did a search and found the following if it is any help.

http://www.williamgladdenfoundation.org/cgi-bin/gx.cgi/AppLogic+FTContentServer?pagename=FaithHighway/10000/3000/901WI/delinquency&gclid=CIbTl-DeioYCFRpMEAodSmJciA
http://www.bbc.co.uk/bbcthree/tv/get_involved/teenangels.shtml (teen angels are looking for families to take part - could be just what you are after?)
http://www.nuffieldfoundation.org/
http://www.blackwellpublishing.com/journal.asp?ref=0021-9630
http://www.practicalparent.org.uk/Teenagers.htm

This may not be an option, as he may be in a stage of no get up and go, but if you can afford it, how about booking in to a Mark Warner holiday and get him to go out every day with the older ones doing water sports. Nothing like an activity to get them shifting!

or an activity holiday:
http://www.campbeaumont.co.uk/summer-camps/the-house.asp

https://www.pgl.co.uk/online/pglexperience/activityholidays/brochure/

Lillibet_2

GIRLPOWER wrote:

Thats a good idea to send him for a few weeks but he would not go.. I have tried to talk him into it before.

I don't have teenagers so I could be totally out of order here & I hope you won't be offended, but based on this information I would question who is the parent here??? Why give him an option if it is what you think best for him? If his behaviour is unacceptable then it needs to be corrected for the greater good, by fair means or foul. You have tried the being-nice-talking-it-through-soft-options, now it seems time to be strong & be cruel to be kind. If he is not into serious wrong-doing (i.e drugs) and is not even swearing at you, then to be honest it sound slike he is a good kid & just trying to rebel as a way of crying out for someone to take charge of his life.
Math once offered some hilarious but in my opinion excellent advice to someone on this board, something along the lines of : remember being a parent is the most difficult job in the world & emotional blackmail, temper tantrums, crying & bribery are all reasonable options to acheive your aims! But above all remember YOU are the parent & YOU probably really do know best.

Good luck ((HUGS));)

hollydays

I bet he has got other good points.Unfortunately he is behaving like many teenagers do.Try to be thick skinned-its not personal.I am sure one day he will come through this.Parentline can be a great help when you are at the end of your tether.

flybynight

hi, i am asgt in the ACf (cadets)... and believe it or no we get quite a few kids whose parents bribe/ blackmail /cajole them into coming to us and they do seem to make a go of it if not immediatley.Have you spoken to his indtructors?Is he going to annula camp, as 2 weeks of discipline routine and being worked/ exercised may make a difference. we have had quite a few cadets from different backgrounds go on 2 week camps wiht us and their parents cant believe the difference when they get back. we also promote the Dof E scheme so dont worry about enrolling him in a seperate one. we often get kids come to us that have a problem with other youth activites and school and they start to view cadets differently and it really makes a differnce on their outlook, so give him a bit of time to get used to the idea.

wigginsmum

Do I take it his father's not around?