Do we have a brat camp type boarding school in the UK?

LilySue

Just read your post, and I kept thinking to myself Oppositional Defiant Disorder, as I have met a mother with a child like this at my local autism support group. Then I noticed that the poster above me was also thinking of this , I'd second looking for the book she suggests, at least it may help explain to you some of what he does and why he does it. From what I understand, ODD isn't diagnosed as much over here as in the States, which might be why your doctor didn't spot it in your son....it is though a real and a challenging condition.

I think you have done a great job in standing by your son, and wish you all the best for the future.

clairehi

GirlPower, Im so sorry to learn that things have not got any better. I can understand that you feel like you are out of options but just wondered if you ever went back to the GP to seek help?

If not, perhaps try another GP as yours has been so unhelpful, and ask for your son to be assessed by a mental health professional as a starting point. This is not just for him or you but also for your other kids, as you have said it is wrecking their childhood too and I totally understand why, family life must be so hard for you. You should not have to cope without professional help!

GIRLPOWER_2

Thank you or all for taking the time to reply

The book sounds perfect. I have been on Amazon and ordered a used copy of the book suggested, It should be here over the weekend. I will let you know what I think.

I have no way of getting him to the doctors or to see anyone. No way would he go. It's hard enough to get him out of bed.

On a plus had quite a nice time with him last night. It's his birthday today and our local football team were playing so I asked him if he wanted me to take him to the match. He loves to watch Stoke so jumped at the chance and off we went.

As long as I don't speak and am doing what he wants he's quite nice to me!

I am trying my best at the moment to get him to go in the army. I am pinning all my hopes on it really. Not just for the break it would give us but a hope that they can sort him out and make him a better person. I have offered him a tempting "package" if he goes in and sticks at it for 2 years and he's thinking about it.

I will keep you updated.

Nikki

stressedoutmother

GIRLPOWER wrote: »

Thank you or all for taking the time to reply

The book sounds perfect. I have been on Amazon and ordered a used copy of the book suggested, It should be here over the weekend. I will let you know what I think.

I have no way of getting him to the doctors or to see anyone. No way would he go. It's hard enough to get him out of bed.

On a plus had quite a nice time with him last night. It's his birthday today and our local football team were playing so I asked him if he wanted me to take him to the match. He loves to watch Stoke so jumped at the chance and off we went.

As long as I don't speak and am doing what he wants he's quite nice to me!

I am trying my best at the moment to get him to go in the army. I am pinning all my hopes on it really. Not just for the break it would give us but a hope that they can sort him out and make him a better person. I have offered him a tempting "package" if he goes in and sticks at it for 2 years and he's thinking about it.

I will keep you updated.

Nikki

Hi Nikki - well done for getting the book. The author also has a website www.drdouglasariley.com which is worth a visit. There is also a "contact us" section wich you can use to email him and he will respond personally. It also says he does phone consultations. This might be a help to you because it will be hard introducing new techniques at your son's age and Dr Riley might be able to give you regular support and inspiration to carry on. I don't know if or how much he charges but it might be worth considering once you've read the book.

Once again, I wish you all the best and I sincerely hope you get there in the end. Good luck!

Alex x

clairehi

GIRLPOWER wrote: »

Thank you or all for taking the time to reply

The book sounds perfect. I have been on Amazon and ordered a used copy of the book suggested, It should be here over the weekend. I will let you know what I think.

I have no way of getting him to the doctors or to see anyone. No way would he go. It's hard enough to get him out of bed.

On a plus had quite a nice time with him last night. It's his birthday today and our local football team were playing so I asked him if he wanted me to take him to the match. He loves to watch Stoke so jumped at the chance and off we went.

As long as I don't speak and am doing what he wants he's quite nice to me!

I am trying my best at the moment to get him to go in the army. I am pinning all my hopes on it really. Not just for the break it would give us but a hope that they can sort him out and make him a better person. I have offered him a tempting "package" if he goes in and sticks at it for 2 years and he's thinking about it.

I will keep you updated.

Nikki

Hi again,

glad to hear that you had a good time at the football. is there any chance you could make that (or something similar but cheaper) a regular thing you do together if you both enjoy it.

re the doctor, why not just go on your own in the first instance and explain the situation. it might help you to get it off your chest at least.
I just wonder if there is any help/support for you as a parent that could help you cope, even if you cant get him to talk to someone directly. I suspect there are many people with psychological/emotional problems who refuse to get help and their relatives must be in the same boat as you. Have you looked into support groups etc?

Even if you have given up on him, it strikes me that you and your other kids are going to carry on suffering the fall-out and its worth fighting to find help for the rest of you.

Sue-UU

GIRLPOWER wrote: »

On a plus had quite a nice time with him last night. It's his birthday today and our local football team were playing so I asked him if he wanted me to take him to the match. He loves to watch Stoke so jumped at the chance and off we went.

As long as I don't speak and am doing what he wants he's quite nice to me!

I am trying my best at the moment to get him to go in the army. I am pinning all my hopes on it really. Not just for the break it would give us but a hope that they can sort him out and make him a better person. I have offered him a tempting "package" if he goes in and sticks at it for 2 years and he's thinking about it.

I will keep you updated.

Nikki

All the very best Nikki, I sincerely hope he goes into the Army as it would really make him a man, teach him to channel his aggression and would give him the time to realise all that he's put you through. You may yet have the wonderful time with him that you've so desired and hear him say "sorry for all the pain I've caused you Mum, I never truly mean to hurt you, but just couldn't help myself." All too often I've heard those words from folk about their young ones when they've come through it all.

I hope someday soon you become like that and can return to being a happy family.

Sue

GracieP

GIRLPOWER wrote: »

I am trying my best at the moment to get him to go in the army. I am pinning all my hopes on it really. Not just for the break it would give us but a hope that they can sort him out and make him a better person. I have offered him a tempting "package" if he goes in and sticks at it for 2 years and he's thinking about it.

Hi Girlpower, I've just read all your thread and I think you are very strong and brave. However have you considered what might happen if he joins the army? Britain is involved in two wars, would there be any guarantee he won't be sent to Iraq or Afghanistan? How would you feel if he gets badly injured or killed? Or how will he feel if he has to kill or badly injure someone/numerous someones? Will he end up better or worse if he ends up in situation where he has to fear for his life? How will he be if he returns home with severe post-traumatic-stress disorder?

I can understand your desire to get him into an environment of purpose and discipline, but a warzone is just about the worst place anyone could be.

TurnaroundSue

Hi Girlpower - alot of what you write about your son reflects my own (who's 15 now). However, my ds doesn't swear or is rude to me, but he is very disrespectful. He is a nightmare in school and has been excluded only last week for a day (should have been 5, but managed to get it down to 1) due to his insolence, disruptive behaviour in class, lack of respect to the teachers, not doing any work etc etc.

The amount of guilt I have carried about my son since he was 3 is immense. I have had him see a counsellor which helped a bit at the time, but that was really for a specific problem he had then (substance abuse) and am now paying for him to have hypnotherapy and EFT. I am also seeing this guy myself as I do believe that I (and my OH) has some responsibility to the way he behaves - although my OH doesn't agree with me as we have a daughter who is 10 and she is the model child - so we must be doing something right.

My son has low reading level, not academic at all (although he is very bright) and that is the frustration of it all. Like you we have had many a talk and told him how much we love, want the best for him, etc etc but it really doesn't have any impact at all. I am worried that he will leave school next year without any exams (that's if the school havent thrown him out permanently by then) and what will he do then?

My heart goes out to you and your family and I know exactly what you are going through. At present my son has no playstation or tv in his bedroom and he has today made his own way to rugby as I have said that until he shows me some respect and stops taking from me constantly (emotionally and mentally) then I am not going to support him in his persuits - but it has killed me.

Sorry to hi-jack your thread (might even start my own - just to get it off my chest) but I wish you all the best and hoping your son comes out the other end, like I constantly hope for mine also. Lots of hugs:grouphug:

robin_banks

I genuinely cannot believe what I have read on this thread.

You want to stick in the army because he's 'difficult', he's 'horrible' and 'surly'.

You've stated that he doesn't drink, smoke, take drugs etc, and you've not mentioned that he's been in trouble with the police( and since you've divulged everything else about this poor sods life I can only assume he hasn't been) so just what exactly is he guilty of?.

There is something far more deep seated than this, it seems to me that you don't particularly like him.

Perhaps I'm being a bit old fashioned here but try talking to your son and for god sake don't underestimate him.

Mutter_2

Discipline really is a two way street isn't it, needing co-operation from both parents and school.
I am in no way blaming the teachers in the case of TurnaroundSue's son as I know that their hands are effectively tied. But I wish someone could explain why, on a pupil being disruptive, they are "rewarded" with five days out of school, the very place they probably hate anyway.

More work as a punishment, not less. When will a Minister for Education see this?

How the heck is a responsible parent like TS supposed to take time out of work to oversee the so called punishment. If she doesn't, her son might be wandering the streets getting up to more trouble.



Both parents and teachers are being treated like fools, with children being raised by a rule book, a rule book that states to reward them for bad behaviour. Madness.

As for not taking son to rugby, that would kill me too. I'd be pacing the floor thinking Oh, what if he meets with an accident and I refused to take him.
Not worth it for my mental state but they'd know I was furious.

TurnaroundSue, your son is very bright but not academic, so I take it you and he have had a meeting with connexions? http://www.connexions-direct.com/

My hat off to all you good parents, I think you have a far tougher time than ever the past generation did.