Do we have a brat camp type boarding school in the UK?

Mutter_2

tamlem wrote: »

Mutter,
I apologise for making your eyes turn circles. As an academic by profession I do not struggle to read solid blocks of text- most things I read are in fact solid blocks of text!

I am also new to posting so may not have got the hang of how things work yet.

Oh, dear tamlem, my fault and very rude of me.

I've been here only a little longer than you, so welcolme.:T

As for posting. A little easy on the eye please.

A solid block maybe for you academics, for the rest of us trailling in your wake, a few paragraphs make it easier on the eye.:D x

Sue-UU

Sorry tamlem, but I have to agree with Mutter as a solid block of script is almost impossible for me to read as it does indeed become a blur after a couple of lines. I think perhaps that's why I can barely ever read any academic texts as they're a real put off at the start.

Maybe all of us would be far wiser if you could take these comments to a higher level. Paragraphs are so necessary, not just on Forums, but in any form of reading. Thanks very much for taking our points, I hope others do too.

By the way, a very warm welcome to MSE to you both!:)

Sue

tamlem

Thanks for the feedback, I will take on board your comments and yes, I can see how the block thing is less readable. As for you being in my wake- clearly not as I was unable to make the edit facility work on the reply i posted!

I will endeavour to split things up a bit more in future! Thanks for the welcome also.

Best wishes

wearymum

i came across this thread whilst looking for some support for my wayward son !

Been in tears and so relieved that I'm not the only one.

My son was diagnosed with ADHD many years ago and his now 13 and becoming intolerable.

We have had educational psychology, clinical psychology, G.R.I.P. which haven't helped at all because these people can't see how manipulative he is.

He has no conscience and no fear of consequences which makes discipline a nightmare :mad: He gets in trouble, he gets grounded, he knows that yet he will do the same thing again and again and again.

He also steals from us, I have actually had the police round to talk to him yet he still does it, so now we have a safe to remove the temptation.

He is constantly in trouble at school, exclusions, detentions............ I am actually waiting for the latest phone call from them right now for the latest incident.

I have tried ju-jitsu for him but he got bored with it and am now considering Army Cadets to try and give him some focus.

I am convinced that if he doesn't get some help and support now he is going to end up in the gutter, yet where is the help ??? Ed Balls wants to punish parents with fines rather that support them.

I had a particularly nasty outbreak of temper with him only a few days ago as a result of him being grounded. I have never had such abuse in my life, we now have the added hormonal problems too, the language was atrocious yet I managed to stay calm and not retaliate, I later suffered with a breakout of stress related excema :embarasse

I am tired of living in this atmosphere, its like waiting for a bomb to go off, but I have to because he is my son

TurnaroundSue

wearymum wrote: »

i came across this thread whilst looking for some support for my wayward son !

Been in tears and so relieved that I'm not the only one.

My son was diagnosed with ADHD many years ago and his now 13 and becoming intolerable.

We have had educational psychology, clinical psychology, G.R.I.P. which haven't helped at all because these people can't see how manipulative he is.

He has no conscience and no fear of consequences which makes discipline a nightmare :mad: He gets in trouble, he gets grounded, he knows that yet he will do the same thing again and again and again.

He also steals from us, I have actually had the police round to talk to him yet he still does it, so now we have a safe to remove the temptation.

He is constantly in trouble at school, exclusions, detentions............ I am actually waiting for the latest phone call from them right now for the latest incident.

I have tried ju-jitsu for him but he got bored with it and am now considering Army Cadets to try and give him some focus.

I am convinced that if he doesn't get some help and support now he is going to end up in the gutter, yet where is the help ??? Ed Balls wants to punish parents with fines rather that support them.

I had a particularly nasty outbreak of temper with him only a few days ago as a result of him being grounded. I have never had such abuse in my life, we now have the added hormonal problems too, the language was atrocious yet I managed to stay calm and not retaliate, I later suffered with a breakout of stress related excema :embarasse

I am tired of living in this atmosphere, its like waiting for a bomb to go off, but I have to because he is my son

Hi wearymum - I have been in your position many times, although my son has not been diagnosed with ADHD (and I don't think he is) but sounds very similar. I have recently had treatment for my son (now 15) who has had hypnotherapy and something called EDT and the difference in my son is amazing. Since being hypnotised 3 weeks ago and working on EDT he has come on leaps and bounds. He was constantly getting in trouble at school and in detetion, being excluded, but for the last 2 weeks has shown a marked improvement. I also went to see the same guy and had hypnosis and am using the same EDT treatment and I have also seen a change in myself - the way I respond to my son and feel more at ease inside. I would really recommend it. Please pm me if you would like more information.

I know it is very hard and it doesn't help when there is no/very little support, but hoping that you will find peace and help for you and your son.

GIRLPOWER_2

Hi, :wave::wave:

Has anyone any interest in an update 1 year on now he is almost 18? or has this thread died a death?

If update required I will post one tomorrow.

Nikki

Spendless

Definately love to hear more.
ETA-It's been 3 years since you first posted hadn't realised..

Money_maker

Most definately. May help out someone else.
Hope its all good.

GIRLPOWER_2

Ok…

Well almost a year on, he’s 18 next month… same house, his brothers are 7 & 8, dad not been working away for some time and I still work from home.

Firstly going back from him leaving school just after my last update…

He was starting to want to go in the army. I took him to the army careers office and they made it all sound wonderful. I offered to buy him out if they sent him to war and all was hopeful. He passed his IQ type test and interview, our doctor had filled in all the forms and I enrolled us both at a local gym where we trained together to get him ready for his fitness test as he had to be able to run 1.5 miles in under 12 minutes.

While all this was going on the attitude was worse than ever with him now screaming f*** off in my face whilst pushing with force aside when he did not get his way.

I did not give up. I would have the “I am not getting up” every morning, but I threw water over him (he would just lay there for ages till he flipped and filled cups up to throw over me!) when all I wanted to do was get him to the gym for his fitness! He was worse than ever but I could see a light and was just aiming for it. I really hoped the army would be the making of him and set him up for life.

So after many an embarrassing time at the gym with him shouting at me or refusing to do anything but go outside for a smoke his fitness was up and he had an entrance weekend booked in mid November. He lasted half a day and after a medical he was told that due to asthma as a child his lungs were not up to scratch and he would never be able to enrol in the army.

He came back and I said every thing would be ok and I would help him. I did and he started working with his dad in construction. This did not last long as DH leaves at 6.30am, getting in at 5.45pm and he was just tried, made it very hard to get him up, did not do anything and made the other lads angry. I was becoming a referee every night when they arrived home and he was spending all his money on cigarettes and drink.

So we had Christmas and I had enrolled him in the princes trust 12 week scheme to start in January but over the Christmas period I discovered that some of the colleges were starting courses in January so I talked with him and advised that If we could get him on a course from January to June and if he passed he would be able to start mostly any course he wanted in September.

This was giving him a fresh start to be able to study anything he wanted to give him a future with our full support. A lot more than he deserved be what else could I do?

So January came and I took him and fetched him from college every day (he would not have gone else) and he seemed to be doing the minimum required to get him through this public services course. His attitude and behaviour was worse than ever at home and I threatened him with the YMCA on many an evening but he knew I could not go through with it so you have lost before you have started.

Anyway forward to April 09…

He was walking home from a night out when some lads who had been to a house party near where we live and he did not know decided to see him, hide in some bushes and jumped out on him. Thug said hay, my son looked around and he punched my son in the face with a knuckle dusted knocking his three front teeth out and he watched his teeth fly through the air.

CID are dealing but DS can not ID the offender as it was dark and he have little chance of catching this monster. I am sure you are thinking as I was that there must be more to it and he must have done something more to them but CID have interviewed a lot a people and they are sure this is the events that happen too.

My whole heart went out to him, at his age to loose his teeth like that must be awful. I was so thankful he was alive as all I though is if that punch was 2 inches higher he could have died. I have worked my socks off for him with getting him replacement false teeth and only last week I drove him to a dental teaching hospital 2 hours away to start the implants procedure off along with compensation forms and endless hours of research. He on the other hand can not even follow my request for keeping his false teeth in there case when not wearing.

He leaves them everywhere. He takes then out when he eats and does this at the table and just plonks them next to the serving bowls. Everywhere you go you are moving false teeth. I am worried the dog will have them as I have found them on the floor before now when hes left them on the coffee table but he enjoys the reaction he gets so we don’t mention then much, just move them ourselves.

So I contacted the college as he would not go with missing teeth which I understood so they sent him work via email but no matter what I said he would not do it and I did not feel in a position to be hard on him because of what he was going through. So in the end the college said he had missed to much and could not complete the course and that was that.

I started ring around again as he was just in bed all day being his wonderful self and got him enrolled on the princes trust 12 week course. This was brilliant. You have to be between 17 and 25 and don’t know what you want. They try and lift confidence, give you work experience and put you in the right direction.

He did a few weeks and them they started do a charity week tidying a garden which he lasted 1 day and refused to go again as he was not doing manual labour without pay. I said that was his choice but if he did not go he would not be allowed in the house in the day as if he was not doing that then he would have to job hunt. He just refused to move. I would have had to call the police to have him removed which I was not prepared to do so I did the norm and removed all fuses from his bedroom plugs, pulled out the sky card down stairs and refused to cook for him. To which he just lays in bed or on the sofa name calling me and upsetting his brothers in everyway he can.

At meal times I would not set his place and we would eat and he was told to cook himself something. Well he just stands there with the freezer door wide open whilst we are eating saying. now what will I have and throwing everything out of the freezer into the middle of the kitchen floor trying to get a reaction and trying to show me that I am better off just cooking for him. Well we are used to it now so just carry on our meal, talking about our day and refuse to join in.

After 3 days of this the prince’s trust called him again to see if they could change his mind and he agreed to go back.

So that’s where we are now, worse than ever with no end in sight.

He has no earnings and as much as I have tried to talk about him getting at Saturday job he refuses saying that he’s not doing princes trust / college all week and then working weekends. He calls me a scrounger as I do not work so why should he, says “he will get a job when I do. If you can scrounge off dad then why shouldn’t I”

Now I could understand it if I sat on my backside all day watching daytime TV but I never stop. I have worked full time since I was 16 up to 4 years ago and I have 3 children and a small business to run. If my bum hits a seat at 7 then I have done well. (I realise that he says this to get a reaction but as none of you know me I want to make it clear that he has no reason to say such a thing)

Currently he has no luxury in is home life. I had made it clear to him that he can live here rent free and be fed but that’s it. He’s not allowed fuses in his plugs. Use of the computer or to watch TV when its just him in the lounge until he gets some paid part time work. He does not seem that bothered. Just lays in bed but its my way of knowing I am trying to do something to show him you can not live like this off other peoples backs.

If you have read down this far…. Well done!! Thanks for reading.

Nikki

debtfreein4years

WOW, well done you for not giving up on him. He sounds a bit like my brother, but worse if thats possible!

the only thing that worked with my brother was my parents actually kicking him out the house and not being allowed back till he had sorted himself out. He is still a waster but is at least civil to our parents and knows that if he messes up once more he has had it. incidentilly his last chance to prove himself is next weekend when he is on his own for a weekend (last time parents were away he ended up having a party and the house got trashed and things got pinched).

what about the navy or merchant navy for him or even the police? i know with the merchant navy the physical requirements are not as strict as the forces and if he manages to get a company to sponser his cadetship then he will get paid a proper wage and has a job once he finishes college.