Do we have a brat camp type boarding school in the UK?

Sue-UU

Hi Nikki. I read all through and would agree with DFI4Y's parents and grey_lady, you need to serve big portions of tough love to your lad before he disrespects you for the rest of your life! I'm being blunt too, but do please take note as, to me, it looks as though you're still pandering to him all the time. Bring your DH into it more often and both of you give him his marching orders. Beware, stop before it's too late!

Sue {Edit} A shame about grey_lady as she seems to have pulled her post, it was perfect!

elisebutt65

Oh my lord - I just read all of this as my son is a little tearaway as well. The lying in bed bit is frustrating - I took mine to Barcelona with loads of activities planned only to have to do them by myself as he just wanted to sleep. Aargh!!!

He does have loads of help at school and I am thinking of getting in touch with Social Services again - he used to have an assigned Social Worker but when I lost his DLA a few years ago they said they didn't have the funding to help! I've just found out he's shoplifting little things - condoms of all things!!! We also had a neighbour round as he and his mates apparently egged his house! I'm not too sure on that as he's been at his Dad's for the last week.

He does the super aggressive thing as well - shouting into my face and throwing things around when he loses it and hitting his little brother for n reason - it's so tiring to be the bad guy all the time when yo have to keep stripping his room!

I do have to say though at 18, I would have kicked him out for that behaviour!!! But my DS is starting his options and is expected to get decent-ish grades and then go on to college and he wants to go to Uni so hopefully he'll go that route and I won't have to throw him to the wolves - or his Dad as the case may be

Savvy_Sue

Did I ask last time if you had a Foyer in your area? I would be investigating options like that, and NOT having him back if it all goes pear-shaped unless he accepts your rules.

I think I would have 'lost' his teeth by now.

And again, has family counselling been investigated? There's normal teenage 'angst' which I get plenty of myself, but this lad doesn't seem to have stopped digging the hole yet ...

jenhug

has ODD ever been looked into?

Js_Other_Half

jenhug wrote: »

has ODD ever been looked into?

I was thinking that too...

GIRLPOWER_2

debtfreein4years wrote: »

WOW, well done you for not giving up on him. He sounds a bit like my brother, but worse if thats possible!

the only thing that worked with my brother was my parents actually kicking him out the house and not being allowed back till he had sorted himself out. He is still a waster but is at least civil to our parents and knows that if he messes up once more he has had it. incidentilly his last chance to prove himself is next weekend when he is on his own for a weekend (last time parents were away he ended up having a party and the house got trashed and things got pinched).

what about the navy or merchant navy for him or even the police? i know with the merchant navy the physical requirements are not as strict as the forces and if he manages to get a company to sponser his cadetship then he will get paid a proper wage and has a job once he finishes college.

Hi,

Can I ask when they kicked him out where did he go?

What my Ds does it sleep by the back door or under the trampoline when raining as he really does have no where else to go. i could call the police and they would remove him to the YMCA but I really am not someone who can live with this.

When we went skiing at easter (which we asked him to come and he refused) he had a weeks worth of parties, things went missing, police were called by neighbours and they were all through my house seeing it in a state and calling ambulances for the drunks. (I knew the officers who attended as well having worked there for many years) he did not even bother to clean up the house before we arrived home. He could not care less what we think as he has no respect for us or anyone else in his life.

I again through endless hours on the computer discovered the navy was an option and tried to talk him into it but he refused. mates have told him most are gay and he will not believe any reasoning I give him. Thinks all his mates will think he is gay if he goes in the navy so thats that. I will try again with that one though as its a great option for him.

GIRLPOWER_2

Sue-UU wrote: »

Hi Nikki. I read all through and would agree with DFI4Y's parents and grey_lady, you need to serve big portions of tough love to your lad before he disrespects you for the rest of your life! I'm being blunt too, but do please take note as, to me, it looks as though you're still pandering to him all the time. Bring your DH into it more often and both of you give him his marching orders. Beware, stop before it's too late!

Sue {Edit} A shame about grey_lady as she seems to have pulled her post, it was perfect!

Hi,

I agree. DH says I wipe his back side for him. he thinks throw him out and he would be prepared to stick to this. easier said than done.

GIRLPOWER_2

elisebutt65 wrote: »

Oh my lord - I just read all of this as my son is a little tearaway as well. The lying in bed bit is frustrating - I took mine to Barcelona with loads of activities planned only to have to do them by myself as he just wanted to sleep. Aargh!!!

He does have loads of help at school and I am thinking of getting in touch with Social Services again - he used to have an assigned Social Worker but when I lost his DLA a few years ago they said they didn't have the funding to help! I've just found out he's shoplifting little things - condoms of all things!!! We also had a neighbour round as he and his mates apparently egged his house! I'm not too sure on that as he's been at his Dad's for the last week.

He does the super aggressive thing as well - shouting into my face and throwing things around when he loses it and hitting his little brother for n reason - it's so tiring to be the bad guy all the time when yo have to keep stripping his room!

I do have to say though at 18, I would have kicked him out for that behaviour!!! But my DS is starting his options and is expected to get decent-ish grades and then go on to college and he wants to go to Uni so hopefully he'll go that route and I won't have to throw him to the wolves - or his Dad as the case may be

Hi,

you are lucky that at least he gets good grades and is thinking about Uni. A light at the end of the tunnel.

It's so hard to understand why they feel they have the right to inflict so much hurt and pain on those that love them the most. Stay strong. xxx

GIRLPOWER_2

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

Did I ask last time if you had a Foyer in your area? I would be investigating options like that, and NOT having him back if it all goes pear-shaped unless he accepts your rules.

I think I would have 'lost' his teeth by now.

And again, has family counselling been investigated? There's normal teenage 'angst' which I get plenty of myself, but this lad doesn't seem to have stopped digging the hole yet ...

Hi,

yes we have a foyer. its at the local YMCA. I found the princes trust through them which is the same without the offer of housing which I prefered. He's half way through the princes trust now and it's not looking hopeful.

However a few weeks ago when I dropped him off he refused to get out of the car until I took him a garage and got him cigarettes. I tried to reason with him telling him no and if he wants to smoke to get work and pay for them! He used the opportunity as I had his brothers in the back to put his feet on the dash and start swearing at me, name calling etc. I rang inside to the leaders who came out. talked him out of the car and within an hour he rang home to say sorry. never been known before but it was empty words as he was not different when he arrived home.

No way would I get him to counselling.

Good tip about his teeth! :beer:

Nikki

GIRLPOWER_2

jenhug wrote: »

has ODD ever been looked into?

Hi,

Yes. I got the book recommended. the Defiant child. A parents guide to oppositional defiant disorder. Great book and I think he has it.

Must be honest and say I only read half which as I am typing seems silly. I will start it again today and try again with it.

Thanks

Nikki