Do we have a brat camp type boarding school in the UK?

MOLLYBRUSH

Well I hope it doesn't get pulled as I have only just found it and I am going through the same thing but with a younger child, and he is being tested for ADHD and has dyslexia.

I just wanted to let the OP know that her instinct will be right, like mine was, there is something different and that all the love, care, patience and persistence in the world sometimes does not make a difference.

I found this book which helped me believe that actually, it might not be entirely my fault - I dont know if it is still in print tho. Troubled Families - Problem Children. Carolyn Webster-Stratton and Martin Herbert.

It is based on American research and there is a lot about ODD. It is also critical of the way people get fobbed off by doctors and blamed for their parenting. Perhaps too late for OP but might help someone else.

Sue-UU

There's nothing wrong re-starting it MOLLYBRUSH, just so long as folk know it's over a year old. That's all that RAS meant.

If the OP doesn't reply to this, then how about sending her your news via a PM, I'm sure she'll be happy you thought of her.

All the best with your young one.

Sue

Tulip09

Mollybrush - I am in a very similar situation i suppose in that its ADD & dyslexia and i havent got a clue where to start just now, and dont know is i actually believe it.

My post from earlier tonight on another forum

Hi

Tonight son came home with a letter from school (year 8) Dear Mrs etc , your son is displaying signs of ADD & Dyslexic tendancies etc and they recommend that i seek treatment immediately and medication for my son asap etc as it effects funding and future education. Now i have built myself into a frenzy about this all night and dont actually know what to do now My son is 12 and i have never really noticed anything wrong before except his perception of things is slightly off! He has started this new school only a few weeks ago. No one has ever said this before and i really dont want him to be 'labelled' as ADD or Dyslexic (not that i really know what they are tbh) Im confused how none of his other teachers noticed this or his dad/family members etc. He can be a bit ocd in that he can read a 800 page book in a day 'because he has started reading it and needs to finish' etc but that is really the only odd thing that we have noticed.

I really dont know what to do, i have only just registered where we moved to and dont want to bother the Dr, but dont know what else to do. So looking for some simple advice here.

Sue-UU

Hi there Tulip, good to see you, though so sorry to learn about your little lad. x

Don't even think about worrying your Dr as it's important you find out what, if anything, is wrong. He may well advise that he sees a Child Psychologist, in which case you'll then get the advice/help you need.

Meanwhile as he sounds such a little darling, please, please don't worry, it won't get you anywhere and won't help things at all, and it seems totally weird that nothing was said by his previous school; maybe he's holding back a bit through shyness being new etc. Cherish his love and give him plenty, that's what's most important, and tomorrow (ok, later today) ring your Dr for an appointment.

All the very best, Sue x

FatVonD

I've read this thread from beginning to end and I feel sorry for the kid, he's had money thrown at him but never quality time.

The family board games and family days out might sound idyllic but the reality is that the board games probably had to be at a level that his siblings who were 9 years younger could cope with (or needed lots of help with) and the days out were probably geared towards something that the young ones could enjoy meaning it was probably of little or no interest to a teenager.

Way too late now but instead of trying to buy your son out of your life did it never occur to you that you should be doing the exact opposite? That you should be getting the other 2 off your hands for an evening or a day per week so you could spend some quality time doing something that was age appropriate for your 14 year old? You live in Stoke and had a teenager that was into bikes, did you not think to enlist the grandparents/get a baby sitter for the other 2 and take him to Stoke speedway one night a week?

Instead of punishing him all the time maybe you should be taking him aside and saying ' I'm sorry you're so angry/haven't had the time you deserved because of the little ones but even parents mess up sometimes. I know we can't turn back the clock but can we start again and build a better relationship as adults and try to make up for some lost time?'

MOLLYBRUSH

Tulip09 wrote: »

Mollybrush - I am in a very similar situation i suppose in that its ADD & dyslexia and i havent got a clue where to start just now, and dont know is i actually believe it.

My post from earlier tonight on another forum

Hi

Tonight son came home with a letter from school (year 8) Dear Mrs etc , your son is displaying signs of ADD & Dyslexic tendancies etc and they recommend that i seek treatment immediately and medication for my son asap etc as it effects funding and future education. Now i have built myself into a frenzy about this all night and dont actually know what to do now My son is 12 and i have never really noticed anything wrong before except his perception of things is slightly off! He has started this new school only a few weeks ago. No one has ever said this before and i really dont want him to be 'labelled' as ADD or Dyslexic (not that i really know what they are tbh) Im confused how none of his other teachers noticed this or his dad/family members etc. He can be a bit ocd in that he can read a 800 page book in a day 'because he has started reading it and needs to finish' etc but that is really the only odd thing that we have noticed.

I really dont know what to do, i have only just registered where we moved to and dont want to bother the Dr, but dont know what else to do. So looking for some simple advice here.

Tulip don't panic. There is so much help on-line. You have a special child and there is nothing wrong with that. If he was diabetic he would be taking medication to help with that, so it might help to look at it that way. I am surprised the school has contacted you with such strong recommendations but he will get help that he probably needs. Usually it is people trying to get that help that is the problem so it is great the school is on-side from the start. I can't write much as I have to go out but read up as much as you can on-line to see if you can identify how his personality fits with the diagnoses and that will help you initially. Take care. Speak soon.

MOLLYBRUSH

Sue-UU wrote: »

There's nothing wrong re-starting it MOLLYBRUSH, just so long as folk know it's over a year old. That's all that RAS meant.

If the OP doesn't reply to this, then how about sending her your news via a PM, I'm sure she'll be happy you thought of her.

All the best with your young one.

Sue

Thanks for the message of support Sue. I have pm ed the OP and hopefully she will be posting to let us know how it is all panning out. It really helps to know that other people are going through the same thing.

Chakani

Tulip09 wrote: »

Tonight son came home with a letter from school (year 8) Dear Mrs etc , your son is displaying signs of ADD & Dyslexic tendancies etc and they recommend that i seek treatment immediately and medication for my son asap etc as it effects funding and future education...

...he can read a 800 page book in a day 'because he has started reading it and needs to finish' etc but that is really the only odd thing that we have noticed.

I really dont know what to do, i have only just registered where we moved to and dont want to bother the Dr, but dont know what else to do. So looking for some simple advice here.

Those two statements seem rather at odds with each other to me; no child with ADD I've ever known would sit and read an 800 page book... They just, by definition of the condition, can't concentrate for that long. I am not a psychiatrist, I am just going from my experience of working with children with challenging behaviour.

Is there something about your DS's behaviour that means he can't, or chooses not to, concentrate in school? Is he disruptive in class? It might be that there is something that needs attention, but your letter on the surface seems like amateur diagnosis based perhaps on a teacher's observations - unless it came from the Ed. psychologist attached to his school?

There is nothing wrong with either being dyslexic or suffering from ADD, but mislabelling, especially for the purposes of securing funding, could be very harmful.

Who is the letter from? That would be where I would start from.

Sue-UU

I totally agree with Chakani, Tulip. It needs sorting out quickly before they do something idiotic like teaching your young lad separately from the others, just because there's one little thing out of place, and I'd go for it being the new school - or an ill-advised teacher!

Don't forget the Dr!

Sue x

GIRLPOWER_2

Wow DS was 14 when I started this thread and he's now 19! :eek:

I will get a year on update posted over this weekend but don't get your hopes up for happy endings!