Do we have a brat camp type boarding school in the UK?

GIRLPOWER_2

MOLLYBRUSH wrote: »

Thanks for the message of support Sue. I have pm ed the OP and hopefully she will be posting to let us know how it is all panning out. It really helps to know that other people are going through the same thing.

Hi,

I totally understand where you are coming from. I wish I could give you a magic answer to make everything right but I have come to the conclusion it's something thats built within them and there is nothing you can do. Wish I could be more positive. Keep strong and don't let the light go out in that tunnel. xx

MOLLYBRUSH

Look forward to hearing your update good or bad as still would like to know.

The books say they are born like it, so it means that you don't have to beat yourself up about the parenting issue which is what you do at first, but also means that there doesn't seem to be a lot you can do to help. Just try to keep smiling I suppose.

steveA_2

Hi Girlpower,

just came to this thread really late and read it all the way through. made me cry in sympathy and in sorrow for our own predicament.

As a father (and mother step-mother, step-father, grandparents, brothers & sisters) who has been going through this for the past year with our 16 year old son I really identified with your dilema.

Our son has had a normal, loving, stable, family upbringing. He has never been denied love or attention nor gone without material things.

Yet still he feels the need to steal from us, sell the things we've worked hard to buy, takes drugs (weed, mdma, ??), is verbally and physically abusive to everyone, and has no concience or remorse for what he is doing.

To go in to the details would be to repeat much of what you have already written about your own son and would probably illicit the same responses you have had already, either from people genuinely concerned offering constructive advice or comments from those who feel they have the right to critisise without having any concept of how difficult (impossible) is is to deal with the situation.

The reason for my writing is to wonder if another 18 months later anything has changed and there is a light at the end of tunnel for you, and hopefully the other of us going through this. Or, if as you say, some people are just born that way.

GIRLPOWER_2

Hi there,

Off to work in a minute but did not want to read and run. I will reply in detail later but at present I'm sorry to say the tunnel here is still very dark. :-(

steveA_2

I've been doing some research on the internet.

If you google the word "sociopath" you come up with a description of my son which could be more accurate if I'd written it myself.
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]The World Health Organisation defines it as follows.
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]ICD-10

It is characterized by at least 3 of the following: [/FONT]

1. [FONT=&quot]Callous unconcern for the feelings of others[/FONT]
2. [FONT=&quot]Gross and persistent attitude of irresponsibility and disregard for social norms, rules, and obligations.[/FONT]
3. [FONT=&quot]Incapacity to maintain enduring relationships, though having no difficulty in establishing them[/FONT]
4. [FONT=&quot]Very low tolerance to frustration and a low threshold for discharge of aggression, including violence.[/FONT]
5. [FONT=&quot]Incapacity to experience guilt or to profit from experience, particularly punishment.[/FONT]
6. [FONT=&quot]Markedly prone to blame others or to offer plausible rationalizations for the behavior that has brought the person into conflict with society[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]There may be persistent irritability as an associated feature.[/FONT]


.......only 3???!!!! my son is all of those!!!


If that is the case it seems that there is nothing that can EVER be done. He cannot change any more than my dog can stop being a dog.


Not sure where to go from here, he has been thrown out of the house at both his mum's and at mine and is currently getting exactly what he wanted which is to be out doing whatever he pleases....

BitterAndTwisted

Than let him be. If he's got all the issues that you describe he's going to be in conflict with the authorities before too long. That might solve one problem but cause some more and different ones for him. But not for you. Your child-rearing days are over, and it's now down to him to run his life.

steveA_2

Much easier said than done, thats the same little boy that used to think I was great and say I love you daddy :'-(

I would give anything, everything, to make him ok with the world.

irvingfiggs

steveA wrote: »

I've been doing some research on the internet.

If you google the word "sociopath" you come up with a description of my son which could be more accurate if I'd written it myself.
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]The World Health Organisation defines it as follows.
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]ICD-10

It is characterized by at least 3 of the following: [/FONT]

1. [FONT=&quot]Callous unconcern for the feelings of others[/FONT]
2. [FONT=&quot]Gross and persistent attitude of irresponsibility and disregard for social norms, rules, and obligations.[/FONT]
3. [FONT=&quot]Incapacity to maintain enduring relationships, though having no difficulty in establishing them[/FONT]
4. [FONT=&quot]Very low tolerance to frustration and a low threshold for discharge of aggression, including violence.[/FONT]
5. [FONT=&quot]Incapacity to experience guilt or to profit from experience, particularly punishment.[/FONT]
6. [FONT=&quot]Markedly prone to blame others or to offer plausible rationalizations for the behavior that has brought the person into conflict with society[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]There may be persistent irritability as an associated feature.[/FONT]


.......only 3???!!!! my son is all of those!!!


If that is the case it seems that there is nothing that can EVER be done. He cannot change any more than my dog can stop being a dog.


Not sure where to go from here, he has been thrown out of the house at both his mum's and at mine and is currently getting exactly what he wanted which is to be out doing whatever he pleases....

I can't imagine how hurt you are with how your son has been acting out. But have you considered bringing him to a doctor who might be able to provide him with the needed therapy? Who knows he might not only be going through a phase but also a disorder (like ODD or even ADHD). Sometimes the symptoms would manifest into a normal defiant behavior but really, it is really more than that.
Some parents would consider putting a defiant child into boot camps because of it's strict and structured environment. But I think a therapeutic school would be more appropriate to provide that positive transition towards decreasing the symptoms of defiant behavior. Given this explanation, you would come to realize that therapy may be advantageous for his transformation.
Talk to your doctor about it and find the right treatment program which may help. My prayers are with you. :A

GIRLPOWER_2

steveA wrote: »

I've been doing some research on the internet.

If you google the word "sociopath" you come up with a description of my son which could be more accurate if I'd written it myself.
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]The World Health Organisation defines it as follows.
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]ICD-10

It is characterized by at least 3 of the following: [/FONT]

1. [FONT=&quot]Callous unconcern for the feelings of others[/FONT]
2. [FONT=&quot]Gross and persistent attitude of irresponsibility and disregard for social norms, rules, and obligations.[/FONT]
3. [FONT=&quot]Incapacity to maintain enduring relationships, though having no difficulty in establishing them[/FONT]
4. [FONT=&quot]Very low tolerance to frustration and a low threshold for discharge of aggression, including violence.[/FONT]
5. [FONT=&quot]Incapacity to experience guilt or to profit from experience, particularly punishment.[/FONT]
6. [FONT=&quot]Markedly prone to blame others or to offer plausible rationalizations for the behavior that has brought the person into conflict with society[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]There may be persistent irritability as an associated feature.[/FONT]


.......only 3???!!!! my son is all of those!!!
.

Yes I would agree my eldest son has all of those things too. No change here except most of the time he is in his room with the door shut which is a wonderful relief.

On a positive note my younger boys (now 10 and 11) are completely different and are of totally different character.

Nikki

Spendless

steveA wrote: »

Our son has had a normal, loving, stable, family upbringing. He has never been denied love or attention nor gone without material things.

Yet still he feels the need to steal from us, sell the things we've worked hard to buy, takes drugs (weed, mdma, ??), is verbally and physically abusive to everyone, and has no concience or remorse for what he is doing.

Are you sure these things aren't linked? It's what my friend's son was doing, and he'd never been denied love, attention or gone without materital things far from it yet he was stealing from his parents -including taking money from the ATM. My friend's son got into it too far and was asked to sell drugs on behalf of the dealer. It took them moving away to solve it. That and the coincidence of their son needing a lot of (unrelated) hospital treatment meant when he was eventually better, he sorted himself out, and now has a job and lives with his girlfriend and her kids.