Pregnant and don't know what to do

flower24

I was very scared when I found out I was pregnant with my first (I was 18, nearly 19). My friend said this to me 'well you might regret having an abortion but I don't think you'd ever regret having a baby' and it made sense to me, and in my opinion she was right.

delain

Spendless wrote: »

You know, I don't see it that way at all. I see it as he doesn't want you to choose one way over the other feeling that he'd put pressure on you to do so. However the jumper, baby clothes and bigger car suggests to me that his personal preference is that you do.

That makes sense actually :rotfl::rotfl:

Maybe my hormones really have overtaken my brain

gorgeous_gwen

Hello again

After a lot of thinking and talking, I have arranged to go and talk to someone on Thursday.

My partner had a bit of a wobble a couple of days ago and told his mum. We weren't going to talk to family about it but he had a moment and it spilled out with him chokinng up out of the blue and her realising something was wrong. She was very nice, he said something like 'but we can't do it mum' all tearful, and she said of course it would be nice to have another grandchild, but she would be supportive of us whatever we chose to do.

We're thinking we can't do it but we do both keep having these moments of what it would be like to have another. I'm so confused, in many ways I don't want to have another baby but then I do because I think things happen for a reason, and I love my partner so much and can't think of anything more amazing than us having another baby that we made ...

Pee

I'mn glad that his mum said what she did, and I hope everyone will be supportive of you no matter what you choose. I do feel that it is very much a joint decision for both parents, although the health issues that arose during your last pregnancy may be a factor only you can decide on.

I don't have children and would love to have one. I have to say that I only want one, so I can see your dilemna. I can't see that a third child would change very much - it may put you back a year workwise but i don't to be honest see the financial implications as being that huge apart from work and of course the childcare issue. Time wise of course having two little ones so close together will be hard, but I think one little one can take up all your time, so maybe another won't be so impossible?

If your OH feels that you as a couple would want to increase your family in a few years, then I don't see the problem with doing it now. (Although since you are the one who would have to do it, it is your decision!) In a few years, it would knock family income about more, I think.

If you can't do it, you can't do it. As with anything in life, you can only do what you can.

JBD

It's also true that another baby in a few years time may not happen, for a variety of reasons.

Crab

I haven't got children yet, but we are trying.

My perspective comes from being one of three children myself though (the eldest).

Yes, we went without some holidays abroad because so often a third child cost an extra supplement, was slightly trickier to bundle three off on a plane etc - so we ended up going on British seaside trips instead.
Yes, it meant we had to make our clothes last a bit longer, as the money set aside for two children now had to stretch to clothe three.
Yes, there wasn't as much money for certain things, but my parents managed fine. You will too.

Instead of more holidays/clothes/toys etc, I had a beautiful baby brother, and do I regret not having more holidays or more clothes/toys when I was younger? No! I value having a lovely little (not so little now!) brother then, and I value him even more now! You will cope, it's really not THAT much more expensive, people manage with far less than you have by the sounds of it. Bottom line, listen to your heart. I think your heart has enough love for this child.

I remember once, a neighbour who was an only child getting loads and loads of presents for Christmas. My siblings and I got a decent amount, but nowhere near what she got. I did wonder how she got more, as she wasn't more well-behaved than I was, and I'd been good all year! But did I envy her? No - she had no brothers to play with - I did!

tandraig

gorgeous_gwen wrote: »

Hello again

After a lot of thinking and talking, I have arranged to go and talk to someone on Thursday.

My partner had a bit of a wobble a couple of days ago and told his mum. We weren't going to talk to family about it but he had a moment and it spilled out with him chokinng up out of the blue and her realising something was wrong. She was very nice, he said something like 'but we can't do it mum' all tearful, and she said of course it would be nice to have another grandchild, but she would be supportive of us whatever we chose to do.

We're thinking we can't do it but we do both keep having these moments of what it would be like to have another. I'm so confused, in many ways I don't want to have another baby but then I do because I think things happen for a reason, and I love my partner so much and can't think of anything more amazing than us having another baby that we made ...

I am not sure what you mean by going to talk to someone? a counsellor perhaps? may be just what you need, hun. but your posts seem to end with how much you would love the baby!
practicalities such as not having room can be worked out (just think of all those two up two down houses which had families of up to ten living in them!- so can finances (thats what this site is for after all) the most important thing is that you dont regret your choice. once you make it you must be absolutely sure on that. regret eats you from the inside and colours the rest of your life and your relationships.

xmaslolly76

Hey gorgeous glad you have got someone neutral to speak to on thursday i hope it helps you.

This is something i just thought of, it is something that was the turning point for the situation i mentioned in a earlier post. How would you feel right now if for instance mother nature took the decision out of your hands. I ask because when pregnant with my DD i had an ectopic preganancy scare we were both so frightened and upset that we may loose our baby it made us realise it didnt matter how much it was going to cost or how hard it would be we wanted our baby and we would manage. I dont know for sure but it may help to put yourself in the situation would you be relieved or heart broken?

Pete*G_4

MrsTine wrote: »

The world is overpopulated already - it doesn't need more children.

MrsTine there are so many flaws in that argument it's unbeleivable.

The world may be overpopulated, but because people are living longer these days, and 120 years ago 8-10 kids was the norm whereas nowadays you'd get looked as if to say "can't you keep your legs shut?", the average age of Britain's population is increasing considerably!

As such more babies is exactly what we as a country need, or else it'll get to the stage where every other person is collecting their pension, and 10 maybe 15 generatoins down the line there'll be very few kids being born at all in comparison to what we're used to at present. Don't forget the late 80's and 90's is widely regarded as the era that women began to focus more on their careers, and as such there are more and more getting to 40 before trying for kids, when of course their chances of having them are reduced compared to say, in their twenties or thirties.

regardless of the above though, Gwen I think the answer will come to you from within - you'll wake up one morning and there will be no more to-ing and fro-ing of your feelings and you'll have your heart set either way. This was certainly the case when we first found we were expecting, and we've not looked back since. Our LO Chloe has just turned 7 months

pigpen

Pete*G wrote: »

MrsTine there are so many flaws in that argument it's unbeleivable.

The world may be overpopulated, but because people are living longer these days, and 120 years ago 8-10 kids was the norm whereas nowadays you'd get looked as if to say "can't you keep your legs shut?", the average age of Britain's population is increasing considerably!.. Oh believe me they don't just THINK these things!! They say such things and much much worse!!

As such more babies is exactly what we as a country need, or else it'll get to the stage where every other person is collecting their pension, and 10 maybe 15 generatoins down the line there'll be very few kids being born at all in comparison to what we're used to at present. Don't forget the late 80's and 90's is widely regarded as the era that women began to focus more on their careers, and as such there are more and more getting to 40 before trying for kids, when of course their chances of having them are reduced compared to say, in their twenties or thirties.

Them 'in the know' reckon each couple NEEDS to have a minimum of 3-4 children just to afford pensions for the ever aging population.. more than done my share

regardless of the above though, Gwen I think the answer will come to you from within - you'll wake up one morning and there will be no more to-ing and fro-ing of your feelings and you'll have your heart set either way. This was certainly the case when we first found we were expecting, and we've not looked back since. Our LO Chloe has just turned 7 months

Quite possibly..

Wasn't it estimated that the entire population of the world would actually fit on the Isle of Man or something?

Also it isn't overpopulated.. it is over-abused! More children and more forests and fewer old people.. unfortunately for the planet there isn't a great deal we can do about the latter!