Dealing with aged parents

suki1964

[quote=[Deleted User];29080793]Ho hum. Always someone on here having a go, aint there?[/QUOTE]
Sorry but I think you are a disgrace

So anyone who points out that perhaps you arent doing enough is having a go?

So looking after your father as he gets older and more needy isnt down to you? Then WHO? Me ? Should my taxes be used because You cant find the time?


I hope you remember this time in your life when you too are in need of more care and compassion

[Deleted User]

Person_one wrote: »

I don't believe that that has happened. I fully plan to help my parents in their old age if they require it. The difference is that they in no way expect me to and even though they only have average jobs they have taken responsibility and prepared for their retirement.

Several older family members sat back and expected their adult offspring to run round after them at the expense of their own young children, surely that's more harmful to 'family life'.

Spot on...

[Deleted User]

suki1964 wrote: »

Sorry but I think you are a disgrace

So anyone who points out that perhaps you arent doing enough is having a go?

So looking after your father as he gets older and more needy isnt down to you? Then WHO? Me ? Should my taxes be used because You cant find the time?


I hope you remember this time in your life when you too are in need of more care and compassion

Not a lot I can say is there. I dont think I ever suggested any of these things you're going on about but you seem to want to argue about something?

Pigeongirl

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Attitudes like this illustrate the collapse of family life in this country.

I agree - I've worked in many nursing homes and have seen how many elderly people are neglected by their families. It's a sad reflection on the attitudes of people in this country nowadays.

I'm not saying the OP is neglecting his father by the way but he certainly needs to be a bit more understanding and giving with his time in my opinion.

johnswife

I took my mum shopping today and dropped her off at the co=op while I walked to the town centre to go to the bank for my brother (mum lives with him), went to cake shop to get pasties for my sister who had left money and note with my mum so she was fretting about it. Then mum wanted me to look around the town for bin box for bottle collection.
All this was in the pouring rain. I was rushing around as i don't like to leave mum (92) by herself.

I get a text from hubby worried about eldest daughter at uni can i chase up.

Sometimes it is all abit too much but i take a deep breath and remember what a good mum she has been.

I remember when i had my second daughter mum was 76 and she rang to offer to do my ironing, which I refused. Next thing she had caught a bus and was on my door step to help.

Catblue

Pigeongirl wrote: »

I agree - I've worked in many nursing homes and have seen how many elderly people are neglected by their families. It's a sad reflection on the attitudes of people in this country nowadays.

I'm not saying the OP is neglecting his father by the way but he certainly needs to be a bit more understanding and giving with his time in my opinion.

Whilst I do broadly agree with this, there are plenty of children who are neglected/abused by their parents. Some parents do a terrible job of bringing up children. I find that a sad reflection on society also.

So not only should adult children have to deal with the neglect and abuse from their own childhoods, but they should look after these neglectful and abusive parents in their old age as well?

A friend of mine was abandoned by her father at birth and had not seen him in 38 years. He has contacted her recently because he said that he needs her help with shopping and cleaning his home. He has also asked for money.

Now, I'm sure that some people would look at him and say "Isn't it awful that he is neglected by his children? What a sad reflection on society". He has four children by the way - but he abandoned them all at a very young age.

There are two sides to every story. Not every older person has been a wonderful and generous parent and not every adult child is a selfish and ungrateful person who cannot be bothered with their elderly parents.

suki1964

Catblue wrote: »

Whilst I do broadly agree with this, there are plenty of children who are neglected/abused by their parents. Some parents do a terrible job of bringing up children. I find that a sad reflection on society also.

So not only should adult children have to deal with the neglect and abuse from their own childhoods, but they should look after these neglectful and abusive parents in their old age as well?

A friend of mine was abandoned by her father at birth and had not seen him in 38 years. He has contacted her recently because he said that he needs her help with shopping and cleaning his home. He has also asked for money.

Now, I'm sure that some people would look at him and say "Isn't it awful that he is neglected by his children? What a sad reflection on society". He has four children by the way - but he abandoned them all at a very young age.

There are two sides to every story. Not every older person has been a wonderful and generous parent and not every adult child is a selfish and ungrateful person who cannot be bothered with their elderly parents.

Thats all well and good but in this case the OP isnt saying he had a terrible childhood at the hands of abusive parents


As far as I can see the Op has asked how to deal with his father and hasnt like the replies which say " do more"

margaretclare

Errata wrote: »

People are living to a far greater age then they did just a few decades ago, but at today the average lifespan for a male is still only 77 years.

I can't quote my source, but some while ago I read that, if a man gets to age 65, past all the things that might kill him off earlier - wars, accidents, industrial injuries, violence of some kind or another, plus smoking-related disease - he has the same chance of living to a great age as has a woman.

In other words, the life expectancy of a man or a woman who has reached age 65 is the same. I'm sorry, I can't remember where I read this.

[Deleted User]

suki1964 wrote: »

Thats all well and good but in this case the OP isnt saying he had a terrible childhood at the hands of abusive parents


As far as I can see the Op has asked how to deal with his father and hasnt like the replies which say " do more"

Perhaps you should read my original thread again. My post was about the problem I'm having with my fathers percieved illnesses and the problems it is causing.

Not once have I asked whether anyone think I should do more. In fact, I'm not interested in anyones opinion on this. If you've got a suggestion for helping me sort out this problem then please post, otherwise mind your own business.

Errata

One solution would be to phone your father every eveining just now when he may be feeling temporarily isolated, and also discuss accompanying him to the doctors for a consultation about how he is now and how he can best recover and get back to his usual self.
Other posters may suggest other solutions.