Dealing with aged parents

margaretclare

All I can say is, I hope to God I never get like that.

Dad is 75 - well, so is DH, and I'll be 75 later this year.

I can't imagine ever getting like that. Hopefully I'll have learned to swim by the time of my birthday!!!!

[Deleted User]

sleepless_saver wrote: »

I don't want to worry you, but I can relate to what you're saying as I have a relative who suddenly started having odd ideas about her health. For example, she imagined she still had infections which she had already been treated successfully for and that these infections were causing various symptoms (which were not apparent to anyone else) . It wasn't loneliness or just a simple need for reassurance, turned out to be an early sign of a type of vascular dementia.

Possibly more common is depression which in older people can often take the form of preoccupation with health even if they don't seem depressed on the surface. So the diagnosis is often missed. It can be very successfully treated in older folk.

I'm not saying either of these are what is happening to your father, but if it continues and he really doesn't seem rational about it, it might be worth asking for a psychogeriatric assessment.

Hmmm. Funnily enough he keeps mentioning being depressed.

[Deleted User]

Pee wrote: »

If you usually go once a week, I would make it clear that an emergency means you will have to reschedule other things i.e. taking child swimming, so won't be able to come over twice.

I would not tell your dad that this is anything to do with your wife. There can quite often be enough resentment between parents and partners.

Presumably your wife will understand that there are mental as well as physical issues here.

Your Dad is scared and ill and probably did do a lot for you when you were younger. It is up to you what you do for him now, but bear in mind your small child will form his own opinion of what he should do for you and his mother based on the example that you set here.

Going to see him once a week seems perfectly reasonable. As long as you are happy in yourself that you are doing all you can, you should be patient and understanding when you are with him or speak to him and try not to dwell on it the rest of the time.

To be honest, I think he does ok. I always visit him whenever I can.

It just annoys me the way he makes things up when hes not that ill.....

[Deleted User]

*Chattie* wrote: »

Why don't you phone him every night just to check he is okay then

Because I dont always have time....

[Deleted User]

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

And adult children have a responsibility to look after their elderly parents; that's what families are all about.

Looking after is not a problem. However, he needs to be honest with me and not make up illnesses and drag me away from my family when theres no need.

[Deleted User]

whitewing wrote: »

Could he move closer to you or your brother? A home? (My friends' experiences show they resist the idea but wish they had done it sooner when they d get into a good home/warden controlled flat etc etc).

If he were nearer it would be easier to pop by for a few minutes more regularly.

Meals on wheels? (Do they still do that?)

The thing is where he lives now is the town hes lived all his life. Hes got loads of friends, a brother and sister, his workingmens club, his bowls club. If he moved away from there he wouldnt know anyone.

A few years ago, I didnt hear from him for a week or so he was so busy with his social life. Nothing has changed apart from his health getting a little worse.

He can get around (he doesnt drive), lives walking distance from the town, clubs etc.

Hes just proccupied with his health. Worries all the time.

BTW- he does get meals on wheels. Although hes ok cooking for himself too.

It does worry me a little that this is getting to be a bit of mental thing. I wonder if it gets worse whether its going to stop him living on his own eventually.

At the moment, I can imagine his current behaviour getting on blacklists with doctors/dentists as a timewaster...

Oldernotwiser

[quote=[Deleted User];29001527]Looking after is not a problem. However, he needs to be honest with me and not make up illnesses and drag me away from my family when theres no need.[/QUOTE]

Of course; it was other people's comments rather than yours that I was replying to.

Do you think it would help his confidence to consider getting him one of those personal alarm things (can't think of the proper name) so that he would know that he could summon help quickly in a real emergency?

fayhare

When older people get infections it can sometimes lead to mental health symptoms due to the body struggling harder to fight off infection as we age. This could be a reason for your Dad acting slightly oddly. It might be worth seeing if you could arrange for him to have a 'well man' check-up at the GP's to see if all is ok. It would possibly give him some reassurance and making him less 'needy'. It may also show up a problem which is leading to his current behaviour.

margaretclare

Things to improve the immune system and fight off infections: probiotic organic yogurt, Ocean Spray cranberry drinks.

We were recommended these when DH was recovering from septicaemia a year ago, and we've used them ever since. Also things like 'Actimel'. And Vitamin D, because none of us gets enough sunshine at this time of year.

Steel_2

He's not fallen out with or offended anyone in his social circle has he?

My dad does this with regularity. One minute you can't get him on the phone for love nor money and when you do he doesn't want to talk because he's busy out and about. The next minute he's offended someone or started an argument and he's moping around not doing a lot, phoning me every day or trying to drop by unannounced for several hours when I'm working.