Dealing with aged parents

[Deleted User]

jewelly wrote: »

Hi Paul. Why not make another appointment at a time when you can go with him and discuss you concerns about how your Dad has been in terms of anxiety/depression. (The GP should be ok talk with you present if your Dad agrees.) If he gets treatment for this, it may well diminish some of the problems. As others have mentioned, it could be the start of dementia too. I feel this needs checking out properly.

As for not getting a dentist appointment available for a month. I think that may be usual practice. He would have got quicker appointments when it was to deal with pain - dentists always try to accommodate that situation. But, if the appointment was requested merely to get fitted for dentures - then it is not seen as an emergency. Perhaps if it was explained to the dental surgery that he is experiencing painful muscle spasms you would get a sooner appointment.

I hope things get sorted and settle down for the sake of your Dad and yourself.

True. He would get an appt quicker for pain. But these dentures are needed to sort out the pain.

I cant help feeling that hes overdone it a bit with the dentist though which is why hes not so keen on doing anything at short notice any more.

Errata

[quote=[Deleted User];29554105]True. He would get an appt quicker for pain. But these dentures are needed to sort out the pain.

I cant help feeling that hes overdone it a bit with the dentist though which is why hes not so keen on doing anything at short notice any more.[/QUOTE]

Dentists usually like gums to settle down a bit after extractions if an impression is needed for dentures.

[Deleted User]

Errata wrote: »

Dentists usually like gums to settle down a bit after extractions if an impression is needed for dentures.

His teeth were taken out about a month ago though. Hes been having problems ever since.

[Deleted User]

turbo wrote: »

'I'm sure there mentally theres a problem now but my Dad would never see it this way. Hes really old fashioned. I cant speak to his GP, can I? Surely they wouldnt talk to me because of patient confidentiallity etc?'

If your dad won't give permission for you to talk to his GP you could perhaps write a letter to his GP noting your concerns. Even if the GP will not discuss your dads problems with you then at least he will be aware of your concerns. I do appreciate how difficult it is caring from a distance.

Turbo

Thats not a bad idea. Trouble is my Dad would go nuts if he found out I did that !!!!

Romo

Well done Paulfoel. :TKeep up the good work. It seems you are trying your best with your dad. There are no easy ways dealing with aged parents. Sometimes giving more and more of yourself is not necessarily the answer. I am a married mum with elderly parents too. It is not always possible to go to the GP with them:(. Sometimes it is not possible to do more. How much holiday do you possibly have? There are so many limits to modern life nowadays. You have a job, a marriage and and children not to mention other things. Just do the best you can.

Hundreds of years ago, things were different. Most of us lived and worked closer to home and women didn't work all the time. So it was easier to care for parents and kids and people didn't really have lofty expectations about life. (Or maybe they did. I don't know!)

Savvy_Sue

There's always the "I'm not sure what you want me to do, Dad" line of approach. He rings up complaining the dentist won't see him for a month: "I'm not sure what you want me to do, Dad." He's convinced there's an infection: "I'm not sure what you want me to do, Dad."Which can be followed by reminders about what he's been told and how things have been sorted in the past.

It's not a cure-all, but I've sometimes found it helped.

[Deleted User]

Romo wrote: »

Well done Paulfoel. :TKeep up the good work. It seems you are trying your best with your dad. There are no easy ways dealing with aged parents. Sometimes giving more and more of yourself is not necessarily the answer. I am a married mum with elderly parents too. It is not always possible to go to the GP with them:(. Sometimes it is not possible to do more. How much holiday do you possibly have? There are so many limits to modern life nowadays. You have a job, a marriage and and children not to mention other things. Just do the best you can.

Hundreds of years ago, things were different. Most of us lived and worked closer to home and women didn't work all the time. So it was easier to care for parents and kids and people didn't really have lofty expectations about life. (Or maybe they did. I don't know!)

Thanks Romo. At last someone who understands...

I'm quite willing to sort things out for him, do some reasearch, book appts etc but he does have to be honest with me. Sometimes I think he isnt and he expects too much.

[Deleted User]

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

There's always the "I'm not sure what you want me to do, Dad" line of approach. He rings up complaining the dentist won't see him for a month: "I'm not sure what you want me to do, Dad." He's convinced there's an infection: "I'm not sure what you want me to do, Dad."Which can be followed by reminders about what he's been told and how things have been sorted in the past.

It's not a cure-all, but I've sometimes found it helped.

Yeh. You're right. I've done what I can so far. Hes been told by three different dental professionals now that theres no infection.

In fact, sounds like the last one at the dental hospital wasnt a student because he was old so probably fairly well qualified. He was the one who came to the diagnosis and told him to get new dentures...

So amazed Dad doesnt believe him !!!

[Deleted User]

Offered to sort him out get his new dentures done privately, so that they could be done quicker. Told him that we were talking £200-£300. (Bearing in mind my Dad doesnt spend much, and his savings are pretty decent and growing all the time). To be honest, £300 is probably just the money that goes into his savings unspent each month.

Anyway, didnt want to spend that much money. Hmmm - seems to me to show exactly how much pain hes in. :-)