Dealing with aged parents

[Deleted User]

Update: Dental hospital have now decided that whats causing the pain in his jaw is muscle spasm. Caused because he had some teeth out and has never bothered to get a new set of false teeth (even though I nagged him endlessly and he doesnt even have to pay for them).

At least hes a little bit happier he knows what it is. So he needs to get his dentures sorted and it should get better.

Seems to have stopped going on about the difficulty breathing and feeling feverish things now fortunately. Tried to have a talk with him on Saturday and told him he needs to focus on what the pain is and then we can try and sort something out for him. If he just comes up with a long list of things, I'm sure the doctors and dentists think hes having them on. In fact, I'm sure these other symptoms were caused by him getting in a state about things.

jackieglasgow

Paul, today is the first time I've read your thread, as I don't/won't have elderly arents to worry about, and didn't feel able to comment. But I just wanted to tell you how this thread looks from start to finish, with an unbiased view.

At the beginning you asked for help with what was specifically going on with your dad. You sounded, to me, like you were a bit expasperated, and getting near the end of our tether, and although you mentioned a sibling (brother?), you seemed to have for one reason or other taken on all the responsibility. Perhaps people making comments about not calling him often enough annoyed you, because deep down you were concerned that might be the case, too?

Poor dad, he was as uncomfortale as he was making out after all, but maybe that will teach you both a lesson about communicating better with one another. (Not meant to sound as harsh as I know it does, honest!) My husband had a difficult time with his father toward the end, and I think it comes from being male. It's not as natural for a son to be nurturing towards a father, and if your dad has been a strong character all his days, it must be hard to adapt to that change in personality, and the shift in balance of the relationship.

I hope he gets it all sorted soon.

Jackie X

rose28454

Just to say I care for my elderly parents and it is not easy. Hope he is feeling better and you are coping.
x

[Deleted User]

rose28454 wrote: »

Just to say I care for my elderly parents and it is not easy. Hope he is feeling better and you are coping.
x

Aye. Hopefully he'll be happier now its all sorted. I've got a feeling that some of the symptoms will go away now hes had a proper diagnosis.

Murdina

Can I echo what sleepless saver says? Had similar sit for several years with mil - sadly she now lives in residential care with severe dementia. Until then her demands put huge strain on rest of family & on husband's work for several years.

Of course you want to help but it can be hard to balance all your conflicting family demands. I would also suggest you approach GP/get psycho geriatric assessment. There are some things that can be done in early stages of dementia - also if something along those lines is diagnosed it may be easier to manage from a family point of view.

[Deleted User]

Spoke to soon. Hes not happy again. Complaining of feeling hot and aching again and is convinced his teeth are infected again.

Hes got blood problems and is on warfarin and his INR count was way out this week GP wants to see him tomorrow. Tried to explain to him that as has happened many times in the past, its his INR being out that makes him feel this way. In the past, the GP has tweeked his meds and hes been ok in a day or two. But, no this time despite 3 dentists telling him there is no infection hes convinced.

Worse still, hes tried to get an appt with his dentist to get some new dentures as the hospital recommended to sort out his jaw problems.

They're telling him theres a one month wait for appt now. The previous 10-11 occasions hes been seen within a day or two, and it looks like, as I feared, the dentist has had enough and is avoiding him.

This leaves me with the problem of trying to find someone to sort out his new teeth. Any ideas? Can u only get dentures through a dentist?

I'm sure there mentally theres a problem now but my Dad would never see it this way. Hes really old fashioned. I cant speak to his GP, can I? Surely they wouldnt talk to me because of patient confidentiallity etc?

God forbid that my Dad ever gets anything serious.:-(

Errata

As your dad seems quite happy to see his doctor, why not accompany him to his appointment with the doctor tomorrow and explain during the consultation that you're very worried about your dad because of x, y and z ?

[Deleted User]

Errata wrote: »

As your dad seems quite happy to see his doctor, why not accompany him to his appointment with the doctor tomorrow and explain during the consultation that you're very worried about your dad because of x, y and z ?

Appt is today. I live 25 miles away and got to go to work...

jewelly

Hi Paul. Why not make another appointment at a time when you can go with him and discuss you concerns about how your Dad has been in terms of anxiety/depression. (The GP should be ok talk with you present if your Dad agrees.) If he gets treatment for this, it may well diminish some of the problems. As others have mentioned, it could be the start of dementia too. I feel this needs checking out properly.

As for not getting a dentist appointment available for a month. I think that may be usual practice. He would have got quicker appointments when it was to deal with pain - dentists always try to accommodate that situation. But, if the appointment was requested merely to get fitted for dentures - then it is not seen as an emergency. Perhaps if it was explained to the dental surgery that he is experiencing painful muscle spasms you would get a sooner appointment.

I hope things get sorted and settle down for the sake of your Dad and yourself.

turbo

'I'm sure there mentally theres a problem now but my Dad would never see it this way. Hes really old fashioned. I cant speak to his GP, can I? Surely they wouldnt talk to me because of patient confidentiallity etc?'

If your dad won't give permission for you to talk to his GP you could perhaps write a letter to his GP noting your concerns. Even if the GP will not discuss your dads problems with you then at least he will be aware of your concerns. I do appreciate how difficult it is caring from a distance.

Turbo