Dealing with aged parents

marklv

It's often difficult for old men to cope in their last years - especially if they have been married for many years and have grown used to someone (partner) doing things for them. Older women find it easier to cope as they are more self-reliant.

[Deleted User]

*Chattie* wrote: »

Perhaps if you phoned more often then he wouldn't get worked up because he could speak to you about it but then you say you don't have the time. Given the number of posts you have made about your Dad how many phone calls could you have made in this time?

Ho hum. Always someone on here having a go, aint there?

Person_one

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

And adult children have a responsibility to look after their elderly parents; that's what families are all about.

They might want to, but they don't have a responsibility. Being born does not obligate you to do this. Many parents don't treat their children well enough to deserve this anyway.

I believe the flow of care should go downwards from parents to their children.

Oldernotwiser

Person_one wrote: »

They might want to, but they don't have a responsibility. Being born does not obligate you to do this. Many parents don't treat their children well enough to deserve this anyway.

I believe the flow of care should go downwards from parents to their children.

Attitudes like this illustrate the collapse of family life in this country.

Person_one

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Attitudes like this illustrate the collapse of family life in this country.

I don't believe that that has happened. I fully plan to help my parents in their old age if they require it. The difference is that they in no way expect me to and even though they only have average jobs they have taken responsibility and prepared for their retirement.

Several older family members sat back and expected their adult offspring to run round after them at the expense of their own young children, surely that's more harmful to 'family life'.

Errata

Although my ma, when she was alive, and my stepdad drove me to distraction at times, it never occurred to me to not help them out when they asked, offer to do things for them, phone them every day, because I was extremely fond of them. As they were of me.

johnswife

My friend rings her mum everyday in the morning, it doesn't take long.

My mum is 92 and for the past 18th months had many things going wrong with her health and even though i am one of six children and we all try and share the load,sometimes i felt my head was spinning around.

Family of my own with my own problems but I would and do drop anything if she needs me.

sometimes I have silly phone calls but she is not doing it intentionally, she was and is a great Mum.

Oldernotwiser

Person_one wrote: »

Several older family members sat back and expected their adult offspring to run round after them at the expense of their own young children, surely that's more harmful to 'family life'.

But why should elderly, needy parents always take a back seat to the needs of young children?

If your children see you looking after your own parents then this will be an important lesson for them about families and priorities. (And perhaps they'll consider your needs when they're old as well.)

Errata

People are living to a far greater age then they did just a few decades ago, but at today the average lifespan for a male is still only 77 years.

whitewing

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Attitudes like this illustrate the collapse of family life in this country.

Sorry ONW, I have to agree with Person_One.

My parents have made no effort to even really be parents. Although I will assist them as they get older, they take no responsibility for their own old age, or each other's. They will have to deal with the consequences of that as they have had plenty of chances to discuss and take action. They certainly won't ever be living with us. That's not to say we won't spend time with them and let them be grandparents. Just that there are limitations and family relationships work both ways.