Dealing with aged parents

Mojisola

[quote=[Deleted User];29001527]Looking after is not a problem. However, he needs to be honest with me and not make up illnesses and drag me away from my family when theres no need.[/QUOTE]

It's possible that he can't admit that he feels more vunerable and needs reassurance from you. The "emergencies" might be the only way he can express his needs. He may think he can't expect you to come unless it's something serious.

Over the last few years I've watched my parents go from being very independent and always helping other people to needing help themselves and losing confidence as a result.

If he is feeling like this then telling him off when he asks for help will make things much worse.

As he has other family, could you organise a telephone rota so that one of you speaks to him every day. That could help him feel more secure.

sleepless_saver

[quote=[Deleted User];29001461]To be honest, I think he does ok. I always visit him whenever I can.

It just annoys me the way he makes things up when hes not that ill.....[/QUOTE]

He may not be making it up, he may genuinely believe he is ill. That would be a typical symptom of depression for people in his age group.

elsien

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Do you think it would help his confidence to consider getting him one of those personal alarm things (can't think of the proper name) so that he would know that he could summon help quickly in a real emergency?

Called lifeline in my part of the world, and provided through the local council. And they're used to people pressing the button for reassurance in non-emergency situations as well. You can have your own name and number as an emergency contact, or if it's not practical for any reason, they can contact the emergency services directly.
This sort of thing.
http://www.redditchbc.gov.uk/PageMaster/Upload3/examples/Uploads/lifeline.pdf

Primrose

Sounds as if your Dad is lonely and scared and not coping very well on his own at the moment and as a result, his lack of self-confidence is what is causing him to Cry Wolf at every opportunity. Perhaps if he had a few more friends or more contact with the outside world, he would be a little less reliant on your. Could you try and find out whether there are any local organisations he could join where he might get a little more company. 75 is not terribly old by many peoples' standards and I know many people who are much older than this who live on their own and are having a reasonable social life.
How about checking whether there is a U3A (University of the Third Age) group in his local area. (https://www.U3A.co.uk I think?) It's an organisation for retired people with monthly meetings with a guest speaker, and lots of sub common-interest groups. Age Concern have a system of befrienders who will visit people once a week in their own homes for a cup of tea and a chat. See if there's somebody in his local area you can talk to to sign him up.

But sit down an have a very frank talk to him about what is triggering all this. I think with increasing age, all people are frightening of dying, and specifically dying alone. Is this what is really triggering this behaviour? If so, it might help to have one of these Lifeline telephone systems installed so that he's reassured that if he gets into serious trouble, he can call for help.
.

[Deleted User]

sleepless_saver wrote: »

He may not be making it up, he may genuinely believe he is ill. That would be a typical symptom of depression for people in his age group.

Yeah. I'm sure he does believe hes really that ill. Thats the problem - about 80% of the illness is caused by him working himself up.

[Deleted User]

Primrose wrote: »

Sounds as if your Dad is lonely and scared and not coping very well on his own at the moment and as a result, his lack of self-confidence is what is causing him to Cry Wolf at every opportunity. Perhaps if he had a few more friends or more contact with the outside world, he would be a little less reliant on your. Could you try and find out whether there are any local organisations he could join where he might get a little more company. 75 is not terribly old by many peoples' standards and I know many people who are much older than this who live on their own and are having a reasonable social life.
How about checking whether there is a U3A (University of the Third Age) group in his local area. (www.U3A.co.uk I think?) It's an organisation for retired people with monthly meetings with a guest speaker, and lots of sub common-interest groups. Age Concern have a system of befrienders who will visit people once a week in their own homes for a cup of tea and a chat. See if there's somebody in his local area you can talk to to sign him up.

But sit down an have a very frank talk to him about what is triggering all this. I think with increasing age, all people are frightening of dying, and specifically dying alone. Is this what is really triggering this behaviour? If so, it might help to have one of these Lifeline telephone systems installed so that he's reassured that if he gets into serious trouble, he can call for help.
.

As I've said, hes got a great social life normally. Adnmitedly, during the bad weather he hasnt been able to get out as much.

Savvy_Sue

[quote=[Deleted User];29001383]Hmmm. Funnily enough he keeps mentioning being depressed.[/QUOTE]Then suggest he talks to his GP about this.

My dad used to insist on calling the out of hours doctor or an ambulance when it really wasn't necessary, he'd even fail to go to his GP about things and then blow them up in his mind in the wee small hours. It meant he was continually seeing different doctors so no continuity of care.

I think we suggesting phoning NHS Direct - would that help your Dad?

[Deleted User]

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

Then suggest he talks to his GP about this.

My dad used to insist on calling the out of hours doctor or an ambulance when it really wasn't necessary, he'd even fail to go to his GP about things and then blow them up in his mind in the wee small hours. It meant he was continually seeing different doctors so no continuity of care.

I think we suggesting phoning NHS Direct - would that help your Dad?

Sounds very similar. To be honest, I was thinmking of giving the number of NHS Direct.

Trouble is they'll always err on the side of caution wont they? and tell him to ring the doctor.

Savvy_Sue

Having used NHS direct myself, they have sometimes said "Make an appointment in normal surgery hours". And it's less direct attention than the 'Go Straight To Call An Ambulance' mode.

At one point my Dad wanted Mum to go outside, in the pouring rain, at 3 am, to make sure that the ambulance could find the house OK (which to be fair is not straightforward to find). I asked if she didn't think they'd know EXACTLY where they lived, given the number of callouts they'd had! She did ...

*Chattie*

[quote=[Deleted User];29001481]Because I dont always have time....[/QUOTE]

[quote=[Deleted User];29030021]Yeah. I'm sure he does believe hes really that ill. Thats the problem - about 80% of the illness is caused by him working himself up.[/QUOTE]

Perhaps if you phoned more often then he wouldn't get worked up because he could speak to you about it but then you say you don't have the time. Given the number of posts you have made about your Dad how many phone calls could you have made in this time?