Dealing with aged parents

[Deleted User]

suki1964 wrote: »

If you dont want peoples opinion - then dont post on a public forum - SIMPLE

Yeh. But on here you mention something and ask for advice on one topic and get peoples opinion about something else...

[Deleted User]

margaretclare wrote: »

Paul, I suggested that possibly the pain your Dad is experiencing might not be his teeth at all, but - just an idea - it may be referred angina pain. Trying to help, not expressing opinions!!

One of the docs mentioned this but I'm sure they checked this out.

margaretclare

[quote=[Deleted User];29310743]One of the docs mentioned this but I'm sure they checked this out.[/QUOTE]

To check it out, they would need to do an ECG.

I am sure your Dad is suffering pain. 'Pain is what the person suffering says that it is'. I have heard people who should know better say 'oh you can't possibly be in pain'. Not so. If a person is in pain, they're in pain. It is not his teeth, so it must be something else.

*Chattie*

*Chattie* wrote: »

Why don't you phone him every night just to check he is okay then

[quote=[Deleted User];29001481]Because I dont always have time....[/QUOTE]

[quote=[Deleted User];29080793]Ho hum. Always someone on here having a go, aint there?[/QUOTE]

Sorry my suggestion didn't meet with your approval but I could have sworn your OP said "what should I do".

[Deleted User]

margaretclare wrote: »

To check it out, they would need to do an ECG.

I am sure your Dad is suffering pain. 'Pain is what the person suffering says that it is'. I have heard people who should know better say 'oh you can't possibly be in pain'. Not so. If a person is in pain, they're in pain. It is not his teeth, so it must be something else.

Yeh. I can see your point. But so far 2-3 doctors have not felt that this was necessary so who am I to second guess them.

Also, I dont want to mention too much to my Dad because hes a worrier and that in itself is likely to bring on angina like symptoms. Spoke to him last night and he seemed a little happier.

I've got a feeling this may be due to the fact that hes happy that hes exhausted all possible medical avenues rather than anything else though. And, of course, its healing on its own.

Of course, if things dont get better I will assist him in taking it further.

Savvy_Sue

I do understand the difficulty of making regular phone calls, especially if they are going to take a while - with an email or forum you can type as much or as little as you have time for there and then, whereas once the conversation has started it can be hard to draw it to a close.

Having said that, we found that phoning Dad very regularly did make him slightly less prone to saying "Not very bright" every time you asked how he was. I often didn't even ask how he was, but would find some reason to phone - news from his grandchildren, a message to pass on to my mum, congratulations or commiserations on the football results. If he'd said he was going to the doctor I'd ask how that had gone, and often ended up reminding him of things he'd been told before, like keeping mobile even if he was in some pain, because sitting around didn't improve matters either!

We were able to share out the phone calls, which obviously helped, but it meant he was getting 3 phone calls every week. And it did seem to lift his spirits slightly. Not sure it decreased his use of the NHS that much!

suki1964

[quote=[Deleted User];29310713]Yeh. But on here you mention something and ask for advice on one topic and get peoples opinion about something else...[/QUOTE]

So title of thread is "DEALING WITH AGED PARENTS"

And quote from your OP is "I think the underlying cause though is that my dad is having problems coping with old age."


So is it so wrong for people replying to this thread to look at those two things and agree with you and then say perhaps if you took a bit more time for your dad he wouldnt have to be "crying wolf?"

20 years of working with in the NHS, I have come across many many older people who call on the medical professions for "imaginary problems" because they know its the one place they get listened to and a bit of a fuss made of them

You may feel his pain isnt as bad as he is saying it is and although the medical profession can rule out a physical cause, but because the pain can be possibly labelled as psychosomatic it doesnt make it any less real for your dad.

Perhaps you could find some more time in your very busy life for your father and perhaps his pain may lesson - perhaps it wont, but surely its worth a shot? Sometimes the simple act of a phone call daily, a visit once or twice a week can make a huge difference to someone's life

[Deleted User]

suki1964 wrote: »

So title of thread is "DEALING WITH AGED PARENTS"

And quote from your OP is "I think the underlying cause though is that my dad is having problems coping with old age."


So is it so wrong for people replying to this thread to look at those two things and agree with you and then say perhaps if you took a bit more time for your dad he wouldnt have to be "crying wolf?"

20 years of working with in the NHS, I have come across many many older people who call on the medical professions for "imaginary problems" because they know its the one place they get listened to and a bit of a fuss made of them

You may feel his pain isnt as bad as he is saying it is and although the medical profession can rule out a physical cause, but because the pain can be possibly labelled as psychosomatic it doesnt make it any less real for your dad.

Perhaps you could find some more time in your very busy life for your father and perhaps his pain may lesson - perhaps it wont, but surely its worth a shot? Sometimes the simple act of a phone call daily, a visit once or twice a week can make a huge difference to someone's life

Flippin heck. How many times?

I visit him once or twice a week. I phone him 3-4 times a week on days I dont visit !!!

bestpud

[quote=[Deleted User];29358013]Flippin heck. How many times?

I visit him once or twice a week. I phone him 3-4 times a week on days I dont visit !!![/QUOTE]

As I said before, I do think it may help if you had set times when you call.

It would no doubt be easier for you as well, as you can obviously make sure it fits around your other obligations.

It may make him less anxious at least. Maybe you could give him a pad and a pen and ask him to jot down anything he wants to discuss with you next time you call, in case he is worrying he will forget?

tinksy

hi

Just my experience of elderly relatives. This is from the view of a grandchild as i help care for my grandma.

I actually lost touch with my nanny, her husband was nasty and ruled her and she always seemed to favour my cousins (who are her daughters children, im her sons child but he left when i was 6 and not seen him since) and things just became to hard to stay in touch so we stayed away.

Then i got told by my cousin she had been really poorly but still didnt get in touch because i felt she had ignored me so for so long why should i. Then we got a call to say she had tried to kill herself. Seeing your nanny in hospital knowing she did this was awful. I then became a regular visitor and after a spate of respite care she lives in sheltered flats. At christmas she became worse, very depressed and in pain and poorly. This has now meant she has carers twice a day, meals on wheels four times a week, and what we call granddaughter meals on wheels three times a week. It was shocking how fast she went down hill to be honest. However she had a social worker in who is AMAZING. She is a lovely no nonsense lady who has helped get my grandma socialising without the aid of her family. Now almost two months on she is getting support from us all in the areas needed, so is improving. The social worker did offer to get her a spell in respite do you think a spell like this would help your father? it means they have no worries as food is provided and they are living with people their ages for a week. Maybe a social worker would help especially if he is depressed.

There are times when i moan about cooking three extra meals a week but i do it because i love my grandma and i know she wont be here forever