A man's view of dealing with unemployment and depression

415SanFran

Hi,
Hate to suggest this, but have you had a look in the medicine cabinet?
Slurring of words, but can't smell drink! Strong cough mixture could do this, has he had a cold lately?
Good to hear he doing something more constructive than day time TV, that is brain numbing.

Bad news about not going to DRs

roger196

Suggestion: See your GP and tell him OH "afraid" of seeing him. Ask if GP will pay a home visit.
Yes you are making progress which is good news. Remember two steps forward, one step back. Good luck.

Lotus-eater

Making the GP make a home visit, I'm afraid I don't think it will work at all

It's all very well getting the GP to see him, but if he doesn't do anything the GP advises him to do, it won't help.
He has to want to get help and want/use that help. Otherwise it will all come to naught.

He obviously either doesn't want help, or is too scared to do anything.
Having been in more or less his situation, I think he's scared and thinks he needs all his props to survive.

I've already told the OP, I think she needs to be harder on him and tell him he is affecting their family. If she admits she has problems at the same time it will help.

AA have a title called an enabler, someone who lets the person in their life carry on drinking (it works on other problems as well)
Take the test, anyone who's interested.
http://alcoholism.about.com/od/tests/a/quiz_enable.htm

ninky_2

salesaddict wrote: »

No you don't sound harsh. You are right, but I don't know how to make him face upto reality. I find it hard to give him ultimatums. To be honest I can't really deal with the reality of having a useless bloody partner. I think I just make excuses for him and I don't know how to change things without causing so much hurt to those I love. I don't know how I would cope with things on my own. Everything I try to do seems to make it worse. Sorry for the self-indulgent rant.

hi salesaddict. have a virtual hug from me.

the truth is that we can't make another person do what we want. this can be painful sometimes. but we can learn to be more effective in assering ourselves which can often have the payoff of getting what we want without recourse to emotional blackmail, hystrionics, bullying etc. it can also help us to deal better with passive or aggressive techniques others use to get their own way - or to stop us getting ours. it sounds like you find it hard to be assertive in your relationship (and probably other areas in your life?). an assertiveness course might be really helpful to you. alternatively, if you can't find one near you then there are some great books by a woman called gael lindenfield. she writes very clearly about assertiveness and self esteem and her book - assert yourself: simple steps to getting what you want - is something that has helped me in the past.

~Yorkshire_Belle~

Another virtual hug from here

When I first came on this site I read someone's signature which struck a chord with me, it said

'Success is not final, failure isn't fatal
it is the courage to continue that counts'

What you have to find now is the courage ( and stamina) to continue. To keep encouraging him to help himself and particularly to keep looking after yourself.

Am thinking of you

frostyspice

~Yorkshire_Belle~ wrote: »

'Success is not final, failure isn't fatal
it is the courage to continue that counts'

Thanks for this.