Relationship advice: my OH didn't defend me!!

Wickedkitten

My OH would have been right there in the middle of it if I were you

Probably trying to get my hands from around Vicky Pollards neck.

That's just unbelievable, just as well it wasn't 1p meatballs eh?

misty

I would be fuming that he didn't defend me too. I would expect a partner to give some support even if they thought I was wrong - they could point out I was wrong in private! Even if he thought you were in the wrong, he could have said something! I remember an ex not defending me when someone he knew said something insulting to me. He later said, the guy was drunk and probably didn't mean it. I was more upset about him not defending me than I was about what his friend said. I think you need to feel that your OH is the person who will fight your corner no matter what, who will defend oyu no matter what. That they are on your side.

ChrissieI

DavidF wrote:

It used to be the 1st thing a man would do in years gone by. Protect his family at all costs. Those were the good old days

some people do just freeze. He managed to pick up his chairs though

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

culpepper

Well I havent read the whole thread but if you are complaining to IKEA, complain to their head office. If everyone at the croydon branch is awful then they arent going to reprimand anyone. If head office is told, something might get done. Always go to the most senior person that you can find and thats not going to be anyone at the croydon branch.
Concerning the boyfirend not sticking up for you, could be he was afraid to confront 3 women ,they can hit him but he can't hit them type thing or it could be he was thinking ,if I join in with this, we'll leave here without our chairs and still be upset about the whole thing(my OH thinks like this).
I expect lots of people have already advised on this but i would tell him how upset and alone you felt whilst he was standing only feet away from you , almost as though he and you were strangers and he was just an onlooker .
Some men just don't think!!!

DavidF

ChrissieI wrote:

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

I totally agree. I just try to find reasons for one's actions or lack of. Im not that great at putting my thoughts down though lol. I do hope the op shows her oh this thread and maybe in future he can be more assertive/protective. Like i mentioned in the post if i was in the queue and witnessed all of the events as described then i would most probanly have got involved by attaracting the security guard and politely telling him to er......Do his job.

It must be the scottish blood in me lol.

Fran

I suppose I agree with the people who have said that's what he's like, that's the way he copes. You can think of the positive side, that at least he doesn't appear to have a short fuse so he's probably a nice calm person to have around. Also perhaps he thought you are strong and were doing a fine job at looking after yourself thanks! Perhaps he thought you'd turn on him if he said anything? Perhaps he was scared stiff of all these screaming, swearing, shoving women? If this is the only problem with your relationship, I'm sure you'll work it all out.

black-saturn

I think things probably got out of hand due to the 1p chairs being on offer and it got to be like a bit of a cattle market.

If you were assaulted (which in my view you were) I would have phoned the police. Even if they can't catch who did it at least it goes down that Ikea didnt help at all. Also make sure you write a letter to Ikea head office and the branch about the matter.

As far as the boyfriend goes perhaps he was shocked by the whole situation? Sometimes when I'm in a situation a bit like that I am wary of what I am saying so as to not make the situation worse. If I said what I wanted to say I would end up calling everyone in there all the names under the sun and then things would get worse. So sometimes I keep quiet for my own safety! Perhaps he didnt want to escalate things.

Lillibet_2

Not a lot I can say that hasn't already been said by others, but wanted to offer my virtual support.

Ikea Croydon is diabolical at the best of times (my hubby breaks out in a rash at the mere mention of the place) & I am not suprised at the staff actions. I do think they need bringing down a peg or two, especially as the store regularly runs days where staff financially benefit if they exceed their daily £ target.

As for your OH, I just hope you can sort it out one way or another.

((Hugs)) & good luck.

sheeny_2

slinks wrote:

My OH didn't really want the chairs, especially as he had been up all night working and then was in this rotten queue for 2 hours.

Looking at things from your OH's side for a moment.. how much sleep had he actually had when this incident kicked off? Could he have just been too dog-tired to think straight?

I think you need to calmly sit down and try to discuss this with him. Explain that you feel he has justified his actions to himself (because he shows no outward sign of remorse) but you are still confused so you need him to let you into his thoughts.

Another point: as you've only known each other for a couple of years, did anything happen in his past which could explain his behaviour? Has he ever been a victim of violence himself, perhaps?

Swanny

From a blokes perspective, I would defend my wife whether she was right or wrong. I would have a word later and say if I thought she was in the wrong but at the time you defend her to the hilt. If someone is special in your life then you protect them.
Just a personal opinion!!