Relationship advice: my OH didn't defend me!!

spender

I am not taking sides here because I was not there and yes I do feel for you. However I note in post 22 you say

"I have had arguments with people in front of him before and he stands aside and lets me deal with it".

Maybe he felt this time was just the same?

Yes it sounds distressing but the Vicky Pollards family banded together to "protect" each other as you wished the other half did.

I hope that things will resolve themselves and I hope that your OH has other strengths you love and can build on.

GUMPO

How much happier would you have been if he had stepped in and was faced with the option of backing down to these people or punching one right between the eyes?

Guinea_2

spender wrote:

I am not taking sides here because I was not there and yes I do feel for you. However I note in post 22 you say

"I have had arguments with people in front of him before and he stands aside and lets me deal with it".

Maybe he felt this time was just the same?

Yes it sounds distressing but the Vicky Pollards family banded together to "protect" each other as you wished the other half did.

I hope that things will resolve themselves and I hope that your OH has other strengths you love and can build on.

I'm sorry but the Vicky Pollard family did more than stick together. They called her a c*nt and used the word f*ck in her face. THAT is NOT sticking together...that is verbally abusing someone. Even if you have an argument with someone or are supposedly 'protecting' each other it does not give you the right to swear in someone's face or to push them. Just because you defend someone does not mean you have to turn into Vicky Pollard....does it?

slinks

thanks for all the advice and input guys whether it was for reassurance or a different viewpoint to make me think, i thank u from the bottom of my heart.

even posts i didn't agree with were helpful and warranted, so thanku!

i will reply to them all. suffering from a tummy bug right now so not around much... hope it's not from eating too much chocolate in my time of need!!! (oops - it was cadburys..... lol)

xx

seven-day-weekend

Haven't read all the thread and I too would have been very upset if he hadn't supported me.

Hpwever, all people are different, we are very complex, and men are from Mars and maybe in his way he thought he WAS supporting you by standing quietly in the queue and getting the chairs? Maybe he thought you would be even more upset if you couldn't get the chairs?

You both need to have a good talk (remember men speak Martian so be in a mood for translation). Not speaking to each other will make the situation MUCH worse. He needs to know how hurt you were and why, and you need to understand the motivation behinf his actions.

But do talk, don't leave it.

slinks

reehsetin wrote:

with the calling names maybe not such a big issue - but if my bloke did nothing when i was being physically intimidated - my hand slapped away - and did pretty much nothing when i was standing there in tears id kick his !!! he'd get hell for it
some things it can be better to be just stay quiet but at that time he needed to show some support it may have made people lay off u as theyd think theyd be fighting with 2 people not one and just to make sure nothing happened to you

thanks for the reply. sorry for leaving it so long but i've been trying to ignore the whole situation really now as it's caused me so much stress... but i also want to thank every1 for their support!

he said he didn't see any of the physical stuff, which i can understand as he was looking the other way.

he said he did hear the verbal abuse and thought i should have just ignored it.

he said he'll support me 100% of someone's attacking me physically but if they're giving me verbal (even threatening me) i should ignore them or get security.

i did... and security did nothing

slinks

Doodles wrote:

Hi

Really sorry to hear this happened to you, that's awful. Bet you felt that the whole world was against you that day! Sounds like you encountered women-from-hell that day.

To me, I'm wondering if your boyfriend didn't actually believe you and that's why he decided to stay quiet - ie. maybe he missed something at the beginning perhaps? Does he usually hate any sort of confrontation?

Either way, I would be gutted at his reaction though (or lack of it!) and if it was me, I think I would have to call time on that relationship.

ty doodles! i was feeling pretty down by the end of the day that's for sure!!

i thought that he didn't believe me but he said he did but he just didn't see the physical stuff and that's why there was no defence. in the future there will be... if he sees it.... lol

he does hate confrontation, i guess we all do.

i thought soooooooo long and hard about calling time - this week has been so difficult for me. i do believe him and i do love him even though i still don't understand why he chooses to ignore people who verbally abuse - but that's my opinion and i have to respect that of him. i do believe he will be there for me if needed physically in the future. i've weighed up all the good against these bad points and i have to say i would be a fool to throw away what we do have because of what happened that day.

love wins in the end....

slinks

hjb123 wrote:

HI,

Maybe you could make enquiries at the police station and see what they say - its worth a try - they would be able to tell you whether you are able to get hold of the CCTV tapes. If they dont consider there to be a case then so be it but its worth a try!

ty

i have thought about this so much and finally decided against it

if they don't have cameras or tapes from that area of ikea at the time then it's basically all those people versus me in the belief stakes.

my OH didn't see the physical stuff happen and the staff were nearly as bad as the evil women... so i'm on my own

delmontebanana

Glad you got it sorted slinks.

Forgive and forget and be the better person

God I'm starting to sound like some sort of priest these days

black-saturn

Glad you got it sorted. There was an incident on Coronation Street which reminded me of this thread. I don't know if you watch it at all but Tracy is going out with a man called Charlie who is a nasty mind games type of man. They were in the pub and the bar maid told Tracy to leave and generally got the whole pub to gang up against her by asking them all to vote on something about her. Charlie didnt stick up for her or leave with her when she had to leave the pub. It reminded me so of this thread and of some of the situations I've been in with my ex.