Invited to Ex's wedding - Problem with fiancee

Steel_2

Eastie77 wrote: »

She said amongst other things that she was fed up with 'dealing with me' and my relationship with the ex which i found strange, she has not had to deal much with me at all since they got together.

How much does your ex/friend mention your name when he's with his fiance?

I wonder if he's been mentioning you name over the course of the relationship a bit too much (as in " I remember the time when eastie and I.." "I spoke to eastie today...") and irritated her?

MrsAnnie

I am at a loss as to why you want to come up smelling of roses on this one! . i think it is insenstive and horrible to insinuate to other wedding guests that the bride-to-be was the cause of the mess you find yourslef in

Just inform everyone the real reason why you will not be attending the wedding. Simple! When they hear that you and the groom were caught sending suggestive texts to each other, I guarantee that everyone will understand, even your mum and the mother of the groom!

msb5262

Hello Eastie,
I've just read your reply #140 and wanted to say well done - you have replied politely and calmly to a thread which has rather taken on a life of its own. It sounds as if you are really trying to think how the whole situation is affecting other people, particularly the bride. Great stuff...you've shown a more mature attitude, which is impressive considering the tone of some replies.
Hope you can sort this out in a way which causes the least hurt and damage all round.
Best wishes
MsB

*Louise*

Well thank goodness you have decided not to go.

I think the bride has been reasonable saying she doesn't expect him to sever all ties with you, it's more gracious than a lot of women would be in the circumstances and shows she is taking consideration for her fiance's feelings.

Proc

Again, get over yourself.

All I read is "me me me me"...."my mummy is friend's with his mummy"...."my mummy will be upset". Really, nobody, except for you gives, a !!!!!!. It sounds like you're going to make as big a deal as possible out of not going anyway. Instead of saying "I don't think it's appropriate that I attend" you're probably going to go spouting out "Oh we were sending flirty emails, yeh we were talking about getting back together". Look, there are ways you can decline an invitation that won't rock the boat; it just requires a brain.

If you mum (and his mum) will be that bothered, and contribute towards spoiling his and her wedding day by making a great big fuss about why you can't go, then you're all a bunch of selfish idiots and need your heads banging together.

Again, and I repeat. This wedding isn't about you. It's not about your mum. It's not about his mum. It's about him and his bride to be.

m000_2

I don't understand why you can't tell your/his mother the truth. You've done nothing wrong in your eyes so what is the problem exactly?

Be truthful now as it will only surface later.

Angela

I have just read this whole thread and cant believe how up yourself you still are its amazing how selfish you are.
Please just tell your mum the truth, show her the emails you sent and let her make her own mind up as to if the bride is being unreasonable.
Anything else would be totally unacceptable.
And if there is not much too them she will realise that the bride is over reacting

piglet74

im sorry, im with the masses here, i dont think you should go, never mind sing, (though i see by time i read thread, u have said you are not going)

i really think that you should come clean and tell your mum and his exactly why you are not going...

"i was emailing groomy, reliving the old days...it became suggestive.....wifey found out and aint happy....she un-invited me"

or is there a reason why you havent come clean yet ?

MissMitch

I've been reading this thread with interest because I'm very good friends with my ex who I was with for about 7 years and who is like part of the family. He still helps me out quite a lot especially in terms of transport, he helped me move into my flat and helped take my dog to the vetinary hospital when he was really ill recently. We spilt coming up to 10 years ago and he has been with his present g/f for about 5 years. I don't think that much of her tbh and she doesn't think that much of me either, but in all honesty, it doesn't matter as she is his choice and if anything he did for me or with me bothered her and I got to hear about it I would back off instantly. I think their happiness now is more important then my friendship with him and I would hate to be the reason for anyone else feeling insecure. I also have to say I don't do 'flirty' jokes with him, the relationship in that sense is completely over and I think that would be far too 'messy'...and believe me I can flirt with the best of them! :rotfl:

As for telling both his and your mother you can't attend, I'd be magnanimous and tell them (or at least his mother) that something important has come up and you just can't attend rather then making a drama out of it and putting his fiancee in a bad light with them.

Gingham_Ribbon

Eastie77 wrote: »

I am now trying to concentrate on finding the best way to let my mother and his mother know.

Thanks for the advice
Eastie

Dear mum,

I made a stupid, hurtful mistake and indulged in some inappropriate talk with xxxxx which, with hindsight, was a mistake though it was honestly innocent in intent. This has obviously hurt his fiance and I think it would be disrespectful to their relationship for me to attend their wedding.

'Fiance' has been extremely gracious about this and isn't trying to break up our friendship. I want to extend the same courtesy to her and avoid causing her any embarrassment during her big day, but I will be sending them a gift and look forward to seeing them again in the future.

I hope everyone will respect my wishes about this and that no-one will cause any upset as the most important thing is that the couple have a wonderful day and any arguing over who is right or wrong will obviously spoil things for them which none of us want.

Lots of love,

xxxxxx

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