Invited to Ex's wedding - Problem with fiancee

Glitzkiss

Eastie77 wrote: »

My ex's mum is unlikely to be happy if his new wife declared a 'her or me' type ultimatum once they are married. Again, a bit tricky to explain all in a forum but I am 32 and have been friends with my ex since I was 5 years old. His mum and my mum have been friends for over 40 years, I basically see her as a second mum so she would not be happy if I was no longer 'allowed' to be friends with her son and she would voice her disapproval.

Re the wedding day itself, she will want to know what is going on as she is expecting me to be there and we have talked about the song I will be singing.

I will ask my ex if his fiancee is planning to tell his mum that I am banned (I doubt it). If not, then I suppose I will have to tell her that I am not coming but I cannot think of a single plausible reason I can possibly come up with, assuming the fiancee does not tell her the reason behind it.

Hi Eastie,

I think your friend is the person who has to tell his mum why you aren't going to the wedding and not a lie either. Perhaps a version of Gingham's letter. If she cannot see the fiancee's side then perhaps the fiancee should run very very fast from the family and a potential MIL from hell.

It took two of you to create this situation. Therefore you each have to tell your respective families what happened and explain why you don't want to be anymore disrespectful to the fiancee than you already have.

Good luck

MrsAnnie

After all the opinions and critisisms of your actions given in this thread, I would have thought my comment of 'Troll Alert' would have been one you would have shrugged off.

I find your feelings towards this wedding quite bizarre and your constant attempt to justify suggestive emails a little unsettling. I think a thirty+ year old woman would be able to have a common sense approach to the predicament that you find yourself in. You come across as a jilted ex girlfriend that has not gotten over a former lover, and if this is the case then so be it. But to come on here and make excuse upon excuse for you actiona and see someone else's wedding as your stage is quite appauling. IMO.

Think I will retire from this thread now:cool: (p.s. sorry 'bout the spelling)

Thumper7

Eastie77

I don't think you are a troll, I think the thought that other people think you are has really hurt, this is the way of open forums.

the wedding has still many months to go, so if i were you I would take a back seat for now, no need for explanations as the invites aren't out (are they). I would tell my friend given what has happened I wont be singing and just wait and see.

I wouldn't worry as yet, just take a back seat and see what happens, it may be that if you don't make an issue of it now, you may still find an invite in the post

thumper.

tincat

I'd be inclined to agree with Thumper. The wedding is in June, so maybe it will all blow over, or when the date is finally out there and the invites are out, you can sadly tell everyone you've already agreed to do something else. Your mum and sister should be able to arrange something else in the way of transport.

I can easily see how chat between a very long term platonic friend can sound suggestive to others when it is just an 'in joke' so am quite sympathetic to your plight. It's also horrible that something you've looked forward to as a get together is now 'out of your reach'.

I also wouldn't want to involve other people in this. Just be busy that day, and don't gossip with your other mates about the bride (maybe too late for this) as anything you say now will eventually come back to bite you on the proverbial.

I wish people would stop with the personal and vitriolic attacks on the OP, as they don't accomplish anything, except maybe make the people making them feel good for some reason.

Good luck.

Triker

Eastie, I too wanted to add that I am impressed that you are clearly reading posts and coming back and responding, that takes guts.:T Some people just post and run.

I also agree that there is no need for name calling or responses getting out of hand, you asked for advice and have been given it....in bucket loads....:eek:.

Please don't leave MSE, there is so much more than one thread, there are many, many different areas which you can gain and probably contribute, so don't leave, stick around.:D

Just to add, Gingham Ribbons post re response was brilliant.:T:T:T:T

beks

I agree with these last 3 posts (thumper, tincat and triker)!

quietheart

Eastie77 wrote: »

I cannot think of anything plausible at the moment (i.e. an important event that could clash with the wedding) but I am going to meet some of our mutual friends in a couple of hours at the pub so will talk with them. In the worst case scenario I will just have to explain what really occurred which is not something I relish.

Thanks
Eastie

Vomitting and diarrhea spring to mind (as an excuse). You would have to be honest with your mum and sister though.
I think all this talking about her to your friends and showing the emails etc is OTT, give the girl a break and get on with your life.

lynzpower

What I find most interesting is the fact they seem to speak on msn daily while they are at work.

I wouldnt be happy with my OH talking to his ex GF daily at work !

RoxieW

Again - do you really think the mother of the groom is going to be so upset by your non attendance on her sons wedding day that she will take the bride to task over it on her big day? Either the mother is a prize idiot or you are deluded and far too full of your own self importance. I personally think its the latter, seeing as you also think the groom will be upset on the happiest day of his life that a casual acquaintance - which if you only have contact through messenger and email these days then really that is all that you are - hasn't made it. Have you never been to a wedding? They tend to revolve around the bride and groom - not the grooms ex/childhood friend/email buddy/whatever.
I actually could quite envy you. Oh to be so confident and full of ones self!
Why on earth would the mother of the groom think the bride is being ridiculous for being peeved at you sharing suggestive emails with her hubby to be? 100% of the posters on here think you are in the wrong and feel sorry for the bride. Heck, your own friends think she is right to ban you from the wedding! Even if you are MIL's best friend (which I really doubt - I mean, do you actually go round to visit this woman? How often? I'd be surprised if you were on more than xmas card terms with a friend of your mothers) she would still be very unwise to take on her sons wife. Not a battle that can be won unless the groom doesnt actually value his marriage. I think the case more likely is that she really wont care/notice/give two hoots if you are there on the day and should you actually tell her the truth about why you cant attend would give you and her son a stern talking to!

mountainofdebt

OP

Personally I don't think the bride-to-be had issues with you prior to you sending the emails - otherwise I can't image what would possess her to agree for you to sing at the ceremony, although I can now!

Having said that, if the groom's mother will throw a strop if her favourite son's ex (whoops not ex a friend who sends suggestive emails) isn't at the wedding then if the wedding doesn't go ahead you may actually be doing the bride a favour - I mean can you imagine having a MIL that takes sides with a person who has done what you've done rather than your future DIL?

In any event I would imagine when the seating plan is drawn up she will ask questions - I wonder if her son will have the backbone to admit why you aren't there?

I also have to admit if I found my OH talking on msn/emailing to another woman on a daily basis at work I wouldn't be too impressed either - if this really is the case then its no wonder the bride-to-be has trust issues.

If you really want to go to the wedding (and I would forget singing) then I would ask a mutual friend to plead your case.......a little humble pie would go a long way.