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Need some urgent advice

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  • feelinggood_2
    feelinggood_2 Posts: 11,115 Forumite
    feelinggood wrote: »
    Having been in a similar situation, I'd advise you ask him what to do. Personally, I was so relieved and glad that the other party backed off and gave us space to rebuild our marriage. It doesn't have to be an arguement, just tell him you know he is conflicted, and you love him and if he thinks he should try again you'll respect that. I'd say that if he is still having doubts he thinks he might be able to rebuild the relationship. People can and do change and while it will hurt you immesureably, I think the right thing to do is to give him the space to decide and the freedom to go back.

    Just thought I'd quote myself incase you missed it OP. Like I said, I'm speaking from experience :)
    Stay-at-home, attached Mummy to a 23lb 10oz, 11 month old baby boy.
  • BARGAINHUNTER!
    BARGAINHUNTER! Posts: 848 Forumite
    edited 23 March 2011 at 11:03PM
    post deleted
    MFW 2011 challenge - Aim: Overpay £414.26 a month/£5,000 a year. Overpayment Total to date: £414.26:jMortgage start 28/9/07 £46,217.00 :TMortgage balance as of 25/05/11 £24,490.58 :T
    Interest saved as of 25/05/11: £2,849.84 Projected term reduction as of 25/05/11: 9 years 11 months
  • BARGAINHUNTER!
    BARGAINHUNTER! Posts: 848 Forumite
    edited 23 March 2011 at 11:04PM
    post deleted
    MFW 2011 challenge - Aim: Overpay £414.26 a month/£5,000 a year. Overpayment Total to date: £414.26:jMortgage start 28/9/07 £46,217.00 :TMortgage balance as of 25/05/11 £24,490.58 :T
    Interest saved as of 25/05/11: £2,849.84 Projected term reduction as of 25/05/11: 9 years 11 months
  • aliasojo
    aliasojo Posts: 23,053 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    BARGAINHUNTER! wrote: »
    Please don't judge me until you have been in the situation yourself. I never set out to 'snare' a married man. You can't help who you fall in love with. Yes, in the beginning I suppose I was the 'other woman' but when he moved out we were and are in a 'proper' relationship


    Bargainhunter, I really don't want to ladle grief onto you as I do actually feel for you, but I think you need to stop defending your position. You might not have caused all the problems in your b/f's marriage but you most certainly were in the wrong entertaining him even for a moment whilst he was still living with his wife (no matter how bad his relationship with her was).

    I agree, you can't help who you fall for, but the majority of women just wouldn't go there and yes I think we can judge you. It is a right and wrong situation you know, we don't need to have been in your shoes.....we just need a sound grounding in fairness and respect.

    Sorry, I honestly don't mean to be harsh but I think your opinion about your part is really a little too rose coloured.
    Herman - MP for all! :)
  • CG77
    CG77 Posts: 1,210 Forumite
    Maybe this is the perfect time to put into practice that much-used phrase, 'If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was'...

    CG. x
    New Year, New Me!!!
    Weight loss mission 2012 has officially begun!!
    :jLoss so far: 3 stone 4lbs:j
  • BARGAINHUNTER!
    BARGAINHUNTER! Posts: 848 Forumite
    edited 23 March 2011 at 11:04PM
    post deleted
    MFW 2011 challenge - Aim: Overpay £414.26 a month/£5,000 a year. Overpayment Total to date: £414.26:jMortgage start 28/9/07 £46,217.00 :TMortgage balance as of 25/05/11 £24,490.58 :T
    Interest saved as of 25/05/11: £2,849.84 Projected term reduction as of 25/05/11: 9 years 11 months
  • bunty109
    bunty109 Posts: 1,265 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    BARGAINHUNTER! wrote: »
    Im not angry just sad. What is the point in being angry? What has happened has happened there is no turning back of the clock unfortunately. I can only hope that he sees that he can have a good friendship with his ex and a relationship with me. i don't believe that he is going to be able to let me go from his life so easily. if we split there is no way I could be friends with him whereas if he builds a good relationship with his wife he can still have a relationship with me


    Woah! What's the point of being angry?! He slept with another woman? Sure, what's done is done, but who's to say it won't happen again (with her or someone else)? Would that just be sad too?

    Don't you deserve to be treated better than that? There comes a time when you have to say to yourself that however much you love someone, you're self respect is worth a lot more to you....
    MFW 2019#24 £9474.89/£11000 MFW 2018#24 £23025.41/£15000
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    MFi3 v4 #53 £59442/£39387
  • honeyD
    honeyD Posts: 855 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    BARGAINHUNTER! wrote: »
    Im not angry just sad. What is the point in being angry? What has happened has happened there is no turning back of the clock unfortunately. I can only hope that he sees that he can have a good friendship with his ex and a relationship with me. i don't believe that he is going to be able to let me go from his life so easily. if we split there is no way I could be friends with him whereas if he builds a good relationship with his wife he can still have a relationship with me

    But could you ever trust him when he is alone with the wife? :confused:
    Weight loss November 09-January 10: [STRIKE]13lbs[/STRIKE] [STRIKE]20lbs[/STRIKE] 27lbs! :j
  • Wendy5704
    Wendy5704 Posts: 364 Forumite
    BARGAINHUNTER! wrote: »
    No not really. I have forgiven him for sleeping with his wife but he does not know that I know about their text messages. We had a lovely new year together but I could tell it killed him not being with his kids.

    Your a much better person than I am. I would string him up.
  • Dee123_2
    Dee123_2 Posts: 4,396 Forumite
    edited 3 January 2010 at 4:24PM
    BARGAINHUNTER! wrote: »
    Im not angry just sad. What is the point in being angry? What has happened has happened there is no turning back of the clock unfortunately. I can only hope that he sees that he can have a good friendship with his ex and a relationship with me. i don't believe that he is going to be able to let me go from his life so easily. if we split there is no way I could be friends with him whereas if he builds a good relationship with his wife he can still have a relationship with me

    Personally, I think you seem very submissive to whatever he wants.

    I think Shellsuit asked a very pertinent question about how you would feel if it had been someone else and not his wife.
    "Life is like a game of cards. The hand you are dealt is
    determinism; the way you play it is free will.” Jawaharlal Nehru
    I am a magnet for all kinds of deeper wonderment
    I am a wunderkind oh
    I am a ground-breaker naive enough to believe this
    I am a princess on the way to my throne
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