Need some urgent advice

Mely

emsywoo123 wrote: »

Why is this the OPs fault? She (I assume) was single. OP b/f, that is another matter.
Rarely have I seen such a judgemnetal post.:mad::mad::mad: So rude.

It takes two to tango! :rolleyes:

LegalBlonde

Dee123 wrote: »

I'd take another look at what you wrote here. He's YOUR partner now in which case he's just cheated on you and it's HIM that should be fighting to win YOU back. Unless, of course, you are talking about fighting his wife (she's not an ex till the divorce) in which case you been in this relationship for over a year with no more security than when you started (moral judgements aside).

In either scenario, you should be really, really angry. Why aren't you?

I totally agree which is why I kept referring to surely he will be feeling guilty as well and that will need sorting out in the long run.

I had not looked at it the way the latest posters are looking at it i.e. the context of you in their relationship.

Before you decide whether to fight for him, you need to decide if the prize is worthy of your efforts. No matter how good it has been at times or 90% of the time, you have only been together 14 months and there is obviously baggage (hate that word) so if you truly want to spend your life with him you need to decide now if it is all worth it, problems and all.

If you turn it into a fight for him or a choice between the two of you, he may resent you in the long run if things go not so good in the future ( ""i gave up x, y, z for this"") and you might end up back at square one.

paddy's_mum

Frankly? He doesn't deserve either of you, in my view!!!

If you have supported him for the past 14 months, and been loyal and trustworthy, then he had no reason at all to betray you at what sounds like almost the first opportunity.

Equally, if they had great trouble conceiving children and had to go the stressful, painful IVF (or similar) route, then his wife has also proved her loyalty and hasn't deserved her treatment at his hands.

I understand that you have deep and sincere feelings of love for him but you surely need to protect yourself and in your shoes, I'd be levelling with him about all I knew and put the ball fair and square back in his court.

In my opinion, he has no rights whatsoever to mess up anyone's head with his selfishness - unless of course, his wife held a gun to his head and forced him to drink all the alcohol that he is now holding responsible for his own lack of backbone.

He has now cheated on two different women - a serial adulterer and a weak man whose pecker appears to do his thinking for him. Love him you may do but can you emotionally afford to keep this man in your life until the next temptation that he chooses not to avoid?

I'm sorry that your feelings have been so hurt but can only see further hurt if you stay with this dishonest man. I wish you well.

shellsuit

Can I ask would be feeling the same if he had slept with someone else (a one night stand)?

It is obvious that you see his wife as a threat, but not wanting to rock the boat incase he runs back to her is not the way to go.

You need to be honest with him, but more importantly, be honest with yourself.

kittiej

I think I'm about to put my size 6 boot in it but this is only what I think.

WHAT AN ABSOLUTE BOUNDER!!

He has a failing marriage so he hooks up with a singleton, then sleeps with the wife 14 months later after a crisis of indecision?

Kick him into touch now. You aren't doing yourself any favours by being with this man. If you have been together for 14 months then why aren't you living together if it's such a committed relationship? and committed for who?

Please stop pining after him, he's mixed up and whilst ever he knows you're there for him he will ping and pong between you and wifey.

I know it hurts but I'm sure you are a better person than the doormat you might so quickly become.

Please, if you've got some good friends then gather them around you and be strong. Cut off all contact now, tell him it's too complicated because he's got children and wife, or tell him he's a twonk, ignore him anything because you will never find your soul mate whilst he is there to ruin your life.

I am sure that had it not have been you then someone else would have taken him away from his wife, so I wouldn't beat yourself up about that tbh.

Do something nice to make yourself feel better, put your slap on, get dressed up, take a nice hot bath. Whatever it takes to make yourself feel better and repeat to yourself 'I don't need this, I have my own family to concentrate on'

Oh I hope everything works out for you.

Mely

BARGAINHUNTER! wrote: »

That is my gut reaction on how to deal with this - wait and see how things pan out. And yes, Im sure a lot of other people in a similar situation would not be as forgiving as me but if you love someone and they show remorse u forgive and try to move on

emsywoo123 wrote: »

Me too I don't think I could ever forgive, not sure that the OP has really, maybe just doing what she thinks she has to to hang onto b/f.

B1oody hell! Have i missed something here? Who is the op to be forgiving anyone???? She was the one that got involved with a married man going through marital problems. She should NEVER have got involved with him, and should have let him and his wife work on their marriage, especially as they have young children! I think it is the wife that has been the forgiving one, and has tried her best for her children in the circumstances! If the op wanted him then she should have waited to see if his marriage ended first, and not to have put the final nail in the coffin!

Mely

wuckfit wrote: »

reading between the lines, if they slept together, my money's on them not using any form of contraception either.

emsywoo123 wrote: »

What's that got to do with anything? And we have no idea if ex wifey is on the pill or anything!

Std`s, sloppy seconds?

LegalBlonde

Bargain, I think I have said everything I can to you, I keep coming back when there is a new post but it just from other people saying you were the bit on the side, I really didn't read it that way at all. Just wanted to let you know I won't be checking back so if you want to chat please please feel free to PM me x

BARGAINHUNTER!

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BARGAINHUNTER!

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