Need some urgent advice

BARGAINHUNTER!

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emsywoo123

BARGAINHUNTER! wrote: »

Yes I understand that people will judge and I thought about that before I posted, but im a strong woman and I can take it. until you have been in certain situations you don't know how u are going to react.

We have been through so much together these last 14 months and i have totally supported and committed to him so im not about to give up on the relationship so easily as I think there is still a chance. I think my b/f just needs to sort his head out and see the situation for what is is - too much to drink over Christmas and a big mistake. We were happily moving forward with our lives and planning a future together until this happened.

Then you need to talk to him. Talk talk talk. All you got really

bunty109

I'm sorry, but too much drink is no excuse for sleeping with someone when you're in a relationship with someone else. I think maybe the OP is glossing over problems that need dealing with: sitting and waiting to see what happens and not really wanting to confront him ober anything just seems to reinforce that to my mind (sorry, hate to be harsh!)

mountainofdebt

OP - I'm not judging you but (and I can't remember who said it) when a man marries his mistress then she creates a job vacancy.

As for the little girl's comments could it be that she has been read a story where there is a wicked stepmother? I remember a friend making a comment over twenty years ago that her mother (an infants school teacher) had to be careful when reading such stories.

Money_maker

Yes, maybe but the remorse doesn't appear to be genuine.

TBH, she holds all the aces and it appears that one snap of the fingers would bring him running back. If you want to keep him, you need to sit down and talk honestly. He's probably going to say that he's all messed up and doesn't know what he wants. Thats where a timescale would help you out. Give him a week to weigh up the pros and cons. He needs to reaffirm loyalty and commitment to you only or take his chances with her.

emsywoo123

Money_maker wrote: »

Yes, maybe but the remorse doesn't appear to be genuine.

TBH, she holds all the aces and it appears that one snap of the fingers would bring him running back. If you want to keep him, you need to sit down and talk honestly. He's probably going to say that he's all messed up and doesn't know what he wants. Thats where a timescale would help you out. Give him a week to weigh up the pros and cons. He needs to reaffirm loyalty and commitment to you only or take his chances with her.

And to add to that, at the end I would suggest "her and her only"
Do not repeat history if this is what he chooses.:o

Misstress

BARGAINHUNTER if i was in your situation i would talk to your b/f about the texts and tell him that he needs to sort out what/who he wants and give him a month of no contact ( i know that will be hell) and then get together again and talk again then. He definately needs time without you to think (and remember absence makes the heart grow fonder) Good luck x

BARGAINHUNTER!

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shellsuit

emsywoo123 wrote: »

OP, there are going to be plenty of judges and people who feel they can have a go at you on this thread, it's just the way the internet works, posters are often more direct than they would be in real life.
You can see that I have supported you thus far, and will continue to do so. But you must realise that only you will decide if/when you leave him. But this will end. And I feel for you, as you clearly love him.
But.......it is for this reason that you are not ready to listen to people to tell you to leave him.

I'm not having a go at all, it's just my opinion on the relationships.

And I would be as direct in real life, if not more direct.

Forget the affair then, all I can see is deceit.

The bloke is deceving the OP by texting the wife and the OP is deceiving the bloke because she knows about them but won't talk to him about them.

What's worse in a relationship than deceit?

The OP and him both need to sit down, lay their cards on the table and be totally honest with each other.

He may want to go back to his family and OP might be brokenhearted, but at least she would know where she stood.

I'd rather know the truth and be sad, rather than live a lie and still be sad!

OP are you sure all was sour when you came onto the scene (them not speaking, sleeping on the sofa etc), they are lines a LOT of men will use when they want some extra attention from another woman.

Unless you have heard the same from his wife's mouth, I wouldn't believe that at all.

LegalBlonde

I have not read other people's responses but dump him now. Whether it is his ex and they have kids together or not he SLEPT WITH SOMEONE ELSE. You seem to have skipped over this in your OP and gone on to talk about her complaints of you spending whole day with her kids - if he came home from a night out and admitted he had done this with a stranger you would probably dump him on the spot and this is no better in fact it is probably worse as he will have to have some kind of relationship with this woman for the rest of his life due to kids. I would just step out of the picture and if he ever gets his head sorted and comes back to you in a state where he is worthy of you, you can cross that bridge when you come to it. I know it will be hard but it will be better for you, your dignity, your kids and your relationship in the future if it survives. Good luck.