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Need some urgent advice

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BARGAINHUNTER!
BARGAINHUNTER! Posts: 848 Forumite
edited 23 March 2011 at 10:52PM in Marriage, relationships & families
post deleted
MFW 2011 challenge - Aim: Overpay £414.26 a month/£5,000 a year. Overpayment Total to date: £414.26:jMortgage start 28/9/07 £46,217.00 :TMortgage balance as of 25/05/11 £24,490.58 :T
Interest saved as of 25/05/11: £2,849.84 Projected term reduction as of 25/05/11: 9 years 11 months
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Comments

  • Proc
    Proc Posts: 860 Forumite
    edited 3 January 2010 at 11:34AM
    Sounds like he doesn't know what he wants - but one thing's for sure, you should get some dignity and stop pandering around waiting for him to make his mind up.

    Cut off all contact with him, and give yourself and him plenty of space. He needs to think about who he really wants, without your influence. You also need to decide whether he's really the right partner for you. He cheated on his wife, he's now cheated on you.

    In terms of seeing his kids - I would take a step back from seeing them It's only going to confuse them having two mums, especially now there is the possibility he's going to get back with his wife.

    I would suggest that this kind of emotional turmoil is part of the package that you get with taking married men.
  • BARGAINHUNTER!
    BARGAINHUNTER! Posts: 848 Forumite
    edited 23 March 2011 at 10:52PM
    post deleted
    MFW 2011 challenge - Aim: Overpay £414.26 a month/£5,000 a year. Overpayment Total to date: £414.26:jMortgage start 28/9/07 £46,217.00 :TMortgage balance as of 25/05/11 £24,490.58 :T
    Interest saved as of 25/05/11: £2,849.84 Projected term reduction as of 25/05/11: 9 years 11 months
  • emsywoo123
    emsywoo123 Posts: 5,440 Forumite
    Hi OP
    What a terrible mess, no wonder you seem so confused and upset!
    How do you know they slept together at Xmas?
  • aliasojo
    aliasojo Posts: 23,053 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    I think this situation is too unsettled right now and you should step out of the picture at least for a while. Your b/f and his wife clearly have some unresolved stuff going on and this isn't going to be a good base for you and him to have a relationship on.

    I know you love him, but don't let your feelings overrule your good common sense.

    Good luck.
    Herman - MP for all! :)
  • snapping_crocodile
    snapping_crocodile Posts: 839 Forumite
    Have you sat down with him and spoken about all of this?
  • Zazen999
    Zazen999 Posts: 6,183 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    To be honest; I'd step away completely. At least until his head isn't a complete mess.
  • BARGAINHUNTER!
    BARGAINHUNTER! Posts: 848 Forumite
    edited 23 March 2011 at 10:53PM
    [post deleted
    MFW 2011 challenge - Aim: Overpay £414.26 a month/£5,000 a year. Overpayment Total to date: £414.26:jMortgage start 28/9/07 £46,217.00 :TMortgage balance as of 25/05/11 £24,490.58 :T
    Interest saved as of 25/05/11: £2,849.84 Projected term reduction as of 25/05/11: 9 years 11 months
  • BARGAINHUNTER!
    BARGAINHUNTER! Posts: 848 Forumite
    edited 23 March 2011 at 10:53PM
    post deleted
    MFW 2011 challenge - Aim: Overpay £414.26 a month/£5,000 a year. Overpayment Total to date: £414.26:jMortgage start 28/9/07 £46,217.00 :TMortgage balance as of 25/05/11 £24,490.58 :T
    Interest saved as of 25/05/11: £2,849.84 Projected term reduction as of 25/05/11: 9 years 11 months
  • shellsuit
    shellsuit Posts: 24,749 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Photogenic Combo Breaker
    She sounds like a decent woman IMO ~ if she were me, I wouldn't let you within 3' of my kids, seeing as it was you and Daddy who broke the family up.

    But that's besides the point.

    I'd ask him what he wants, if he doesn't know, let him go. Maybe this is where he is realising he has made a mistake and she is realising that she can forgive him.

    I'd tell him you have seen the texts too ~ you have both deceived before (the affair), so don't start deceiving again. He might shout that you have seen them, but so what, you want to know where you stand, that's all.

    How come he spent all that time there over Christmas though? Do you live miles away from the kids?
    Tank fly boss walk jam nitty gritty...
  • BARGAINHUNTER!
    BARGAINHUNTER! Posts: 848 Forumite
    edited 23 March 2011 at 10:53PM
    post deleted
    MFW 2011 challenge - Aim: Overpay £414.26 a month/£5,000 a year. Overpayment Total to date: £414.26:jMortgage start 28/9/07 £46,217.00 :TMortgage balance as of 25/05/11 £24,490.58 :T
    Interest saved as of 25/05/11: £2,849.84 Projected term reduction as of 25/05/11: 9 years 11 months
This discussion has been closed.
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