Need some urgent advice

Oldernotwiser

emsywoo123 wrote: »

Hey hey calm down, as far as the OP is concerned, her b/f is in a relationship with her now, regardless of what went before. All parties are aware of this, so the OP has done no wrong. Leave her be.;)

Did you miss the bit where it was stated that the boyfriend is still married to his wife or doesn't that bother you?

BARGAINHUNTER!

post deleted

kittiej

The only trouble is you will get two sides because it's a bit of a sticky subject.

Bargainhunter what do you want to do?

At the end of the day we can all say walk away, or hang on and wait, but it is down to you lovely.

feelinggood_2

BARGAINHUNTER! wrote: »

I knew that when I posted on here I was going to be judged and I accept that. But im in absolute pieces at the moment and just wanted some advice

I think the question about next Christmas is a good one.

Do you think you can genuinely forgive and forget? Are you going to be worried every time he takes too long to drop the kids off? Are the kids ever going to like/love/respect you?

To me, it looks like there are too many obstacles, and too much to draw him back to his wife. Will he ever be truely happy if he knew that there was a chance it couldn't have worked? I hope it doesn't sound like I don't recognise your relationship, but that is his wife, and if it might work, they really, really should try.

aliasojo

BARGAINHUNTER! wrote: »

I knew that when I posted on here I was going to be judged and I accept that. But im in absolute pieces at the moment and just wanted some advice

I really do feel for you. You're stuck between a rock and a hard place.

I'm sorry none of us can really help you, you need to make some tough decisions by yourself.

Whoever invented love should be shot. :rolleyes:

MyRubyRed

BARGAINHUNTER! wrote: »

I wasn't just a bit on the side - he seperated from his wife and we are in a relationship

I'm probably not going to help much but as I see it you and the guy had an affair which resulted in the split of his marriage. He has two kids caught in the middle of all of this. You sound like a nice person and want to do the right thing for all concerned.....but here is where you will hate me....the right thing would have been to stay well clear of a married man especially one with children.
My advice would be to let go and move on to someone who is free to commit to you.

honeyD

MyRubyRed wrote: »

the right thing would have been to stay well clear of a married man especially one with children.

Its ok saying this now but she is in this situation so I dont think its very helpful for everyone to say you shouldnt have done it in the first place.
I think the best thing for you to do bargainhunter, would be to talk to your boyfriend and see what he wants to do. Without knowing you cant really do much, if anything at all. You need to know where you stand.

shebrett

As long as all parties can drop the dramatics and explain to the kids that there will be one mum, one dad and an extra who all are there then they will be fine.

But you're crazy going along with the I'm confused crap. He slept with his ex and you've forgiven him, fine. But now he's texting her and not telling you which means he's carrying on a relationship to a small degree behind your back ... that sounds like alarm bells to me.

If he can't be up front about issues that clearly affect you and your part in the family now then I think you're being naive to think it will magically sort itself out by sitting quietly and hoping it will fix itself.

Advice to take or leave: of all the people I know, the ones who have good relationships are completely up front and honest with their other half about what they are and aren't happy with.

emsywoo123

I do not quite understand why this thread had to dissolve into the majority of posters discussing their views on marriage and fidelity.
How is any of that going to help the OP now? She asked for advice on her current situation, not a slating on her previous decisions.
OP, good luck with all you do and decide. None of us is perfect (despite some others preaching!! )

emsywoo123

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Did you miss the bit where it was stated that the boyfriend is still married to his wife or doesn't that bother you?

As far as the OP states, for all intents and purposes, the b/f and "wife" do not live as such. Modern times mean unusual dynamics with households. What a lovely world where everything is so black and white :rolleyes: