Need some urgent advice

aliasojo

Zazen999 wrote: »

If, as a single woman, you meet a married man who is still living with his wife; then yes it IS black and white.

You walk away. Or face the consequences. You do this because you have morals. You have the ability to make a decision. Perhaps if more people did this, there wouldn't be so many broken families?

I have to agree. It really is that simple.

emsywoo123

Zazen999 wrote: »

If, as a single woman, you meet a married man who is still living with his wife; then yes it IS black and white.

You walk away. Or face the consequences. You do this because you have morals. You have the ability to make a decision. Perhaps if more people did this, there wouldn't be so many broken families?

Expanding that further then, what if you do not know he is married? What if he lies.
Some people lie all the time. No it is not right, but it contributes to the shades of grey in life that so many people now are disputing.

emsywoo123

aliasojo wrote: »

I have to agree. It really is that simple.

I completely disagree.

aliasojo

emsywoo123 wrote: »

Expanding that further then, what if you do not know he is married? What if he lies.

But you're changing the goalposts now. We're not talking about other hypothticals, we're talking about the situation the OP presented.

Of course things are different if someone has been lied to but that's a whole different ballgame not relevant here. There's a world of difference between doing something knowingly and being deceived.

Lunar_Eclipse

emsywoo123 wrote: »

Am I the only one who thinks-yes, she should not have had the affair. But he left his wife. And no, marriage is clearly not therefore black and white when he (who I personally aportion majority blame to) walked out of the marital home to have his affair.

I see it like this yes, but I also think marriage is black and white in terms of zero infidelity tolerance.

You are right that he is the one to blame. I go so far as to say completely to blame since he was unfaithful whilst married and then walked out on his family, regardless of how much his wife was a witch or how sexy the OP is. But morally, I agree that married people are off bounds. Period. The OP is taking flack for being the other woman.

I also think the b/f is headed back to his wife and would suggest communication being key to the OP during this difficult time. Having said that, a man who is unfaithful twice isn't worth it, regardless of how much you love him. Or think that you do. (Although technically he has been unfaithful once, since sleeping with one's wife is hardly being unfaithful.)

emsywoo123

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

I see it like this yes, but I also think marriage is black and white in terms of zero infidelity tolerance.

You are right that he is the one to blame. I go so far as to say completely to blame since he was unfaithful whilst married and then walked out on his family, regardless of how much his wife was a witch or how sexy the OP is. But morally, I agree that married people are off bounds. Period. The OP is taking flack for being the other woman.

I also think the b/f is headed back to his wife and would suggest communication being key to the OP during this difficult time. Having said that, a man who is unfaithful twice isn't worth it, regardless of how much you love him. Or think that you do. (Although technically he has been unfaithful once, since sleeping with his wife doesn't count.)

Hurrah:TThis is what I have been trying to say only about 100 times better

Lunar_Eclipse

emsywoo123 wrote: »

I completely disagree.

Why?

I know you can't help who you fall in love with, but we can't all go round doing what we believe to be wrong, morally. You don't believe in monogamy? I'm very curious.

emsywoo123

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

Why?

I know you can't help who you fall in love with, but we can't all go round doing what we believe to be wrong, morally. You don't believe in monogamy?

Yes I believe in monogamy. Please see my post 113 for an explaination as to why I do not agree with the "simple as that" part.

emsywoo123

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

Why?

I know you can't help who you fall in love with, but we can't all go round doing what we believe to be wrong, morally. You don't believe in monogamy? I'm very curious.[/QUOTE]

Why did you add the bit in bold?Just wondering

hannah-j_3

I think the issue for Bargainhunter here is just one of support, and even though we all have different opinions of what is right and wrong, the fact that she is here, asking for support and advice it's probably best that she gets that rather than disputing if being with a married man is right or wrong.

I dont know what to say to you Bargainhunter but nothing about your situation is black or white, but hopefully you will step back now and let your b/f see if he can work things out with his wife.

I think that is what you need to do, and what I wish my husbands g/f had done when we started having problems 2 years ago .. of course it's never as simple as that but I know we had gone through worse problems previously and sorted them, but with the temptation of her, why would he want me?

It's probably too late for her to be honest, and the trust issue is huge.. oh my, I can barely believe a word my husband has been saying to me over the last few days