Need some urgent advice

red_devil

BARGAINHUNTER! wrote: »

They were spending Christmas together for the sake of the children who are only 8. the children wanted to spend it at Dads house and wanted Mum there too.

it doent matter what you say! There was no need for them to spend it together!

They were parted not still married!

shellsuit

BARGAINHUNTER! wrote: »

No, he didn't go there for Christmas - they came to him as thats where the children wanted to spend Christmas at their Dads house. They arrived with their mum on Christmas eve and went on boxing day.

Ah right, my apologies!

shellsuit

red_devil wrote: »

it doent matter what you say! There was no need for them to spend it together!

They were parted not still married!

To be fair, the children wanted to see both parents over Christmas and this is what they did which I agree with, the only thing I don't agree with, was the overnight arrangements.

Essex_Maid

I am sorry you have had such a hard time. But he sounds a cad, and cann't keep his p**** in his trousers.

If you stay with him, I think your life is likely to be one of misery.

Hold your head up high, and tell him that you love him, but that you are not prepared to be used/walked over. That if he is to be with you, that you deserve to be treated with love and respect. If he cann't do that why prolong the misery. If he is not sure, tell him to go away and not come back until he is. This is your life not an episode from a soap.

Yes he may just be going thro a tough time, but some people are weak and just go from one drama/disaster to another.

Good luck, I wish you well.

cazziebo

BARGAINHUNTER! wrote: »

just an update - my b/f is coming round after i have finished work and i suspect he is going to end it with me. im at work now and im in such a state

Be strong. No matter what happens, you will get through this and come out the other side a better person. There's no winners here, sadly.

kegg_2

not read all 8 pages so i am probably repeating what has already been said
But he cheats on his wife with you and then cheats on you with his wife.

I could say well you reap what you sow but that wont improve the situation but you should give serious consideration to do you really want to spend your life with a man who seems to be incapable of staying faithful to one woman for more than a nano second?

peachyprice

BARGAINHUNTER! wrote: »

It was Christmas and they were spending time together for the sake of the children as they are only 8

They were spending Christmas together for the sake of the children who are only 8. the children wanted to spend it at Dads house and wanted Mum there too.

Sorry BH, but that really isn't reason for them to spend all that time, overnight, together. There's no reason on earth why she could have dropped the children off xmas eve night and then come back for present opening/lunch etc. the next day. I fear you are being extremely naive as to his/her/their motives.

I split from my ex when my twins were 18 months old, there is no way on earth I would have considered spending an entire christmas with him, no way, no how. I have a feeling your boyfriend, and possibly his wife, knew exactly how this would pan out.

Chinkle

Whatever the morals and who's in the wrong/right here the situation is the OP's partner is currently in two relationships.

The OP is in a mess because she feels powerless as she doesn't want to "rock the boat". However, imo, the boat needs to be rocked.

If OP can't tell her partner what she knows about the texting and how she feels about what happened/fears he will return to his wife etc then she isn't being honest with herself or him. In the end it will be his decision but if you don't put your cards on the table you'll never know if you had a winning hand.

RoxieW

bargainhunter - you seem like a nice lady which makes this difficult to say but he was never really yours in the first place. No matter what you say about their marriage being unhappy they were still married and living together as a family with their children when he started seeing you (if i've read it right?) Maybe they were having problems but instead of working on them it seemed easier for him to jump ship. he thought the grass would be greener. It seems to me that you've made it easy for him to be with you (not wanting to upset him/rock the boat/send him back to his wife) but now the shine is started to wear off he is seeing that the grass in not actually greener. He misses his family and his wife. From what you've said about the texts it seems that she holds all the cards and he is testing the water. It doesnt matter if he knows or not that you have read them. You have the evidence that should she click her fingers he would be back like a shot and you would be dropped like a hot potato.
He has realised what he has given up. I cant believe you let it slide that he slept with her when he's meant to be in a relationship with you! I think that says it all really.
Like i said - you seem like a nice lady - but you made yourself the third wheel in his marriage and it seems that you are still the third wheel in his marriage. I hate to say that we reap what we sow but it seems to be obvious in this case - sorry. I hope you move on to find someone free and able to love and give his all to you. That is what you deserve.

Greener_Grass

I haven't read every reply so apologies if I say something someone else already has.

OP I feel for you in this situation, You say you feel like your BF is going to break up with you, I can understand how much you have emotionally invested in this relationship but I feel you must prepare yourself for this and try to see that overall this is for the best.

I don't agree with the way you got together but thats your business. I think you need to realise this man is attached to this woman more than you can know. I'm assuming they were married for quite a long time if you say thier marraige was apparently bad for the last 6 years. I am sorry to say but I don't believe this myself. As has previously been said many men tell this lie when it is simply not true and more often than not the relationship gets worse only because the man then distances himself from his wife because of his new relationship. I think it would be best to stand back from this situation as they have 2 kids together and of course it would be best if they were together, personally I couldn't stand in the way of a family unit and God help anyone who tried to this to me.

I feel this is a situation that will never be plain sailing and the ex wife will always be an issue between you two so better to cut ties now and let them get on with it and you find a nice man without all these emotional ties who is willing to give himself to you 100%. Good luck for the future, I hope you find happiness