Need some urgent advice

aliasojo

BARGAINHUNTER! wrote: »

..... think I need a time out........ he text back 'do u know what I mean by a time out' so I text back 'yeah u need to get things sorted in your head thats understandable' he text back 'no idea how long it will take im a wee bit messed up at the moment' I replied 'I know u are sweetheart' to which he replied 'so u understand that I don't want to be in a relationship at the moment then' so I replied 'sorry? I think we need to have this conversation face to face' he replied 'ok but not now' so I replied 'thats fine let me know when u coming round' to which he replied ' can't tell u that ......

I replied 'well then! Let me know if u need to borrow my car' to which he replied 'how come u being so nice after what I have just done' to which I replied 'thats me!'

And there has been nothing since. What do u make of that lot?

Well it's as clear as day that he's telling you he needs out. I'm really sorry.

I don't expect he will 'sort himself out' enough to come back to you, I think he's trying to let you down gently.

Please, please do not make yourself a doormat. Lending him your car isn't going to make him want to stay with you, I thik you are doing anything you can to just not let go tbh.

BARGAINHUNTER!

post deleted

daska

two options

a. he's so confused that he genuinely needs some time out to work out where his head's at or

b. he knows what he wants and it isn't you

I would suggest that if it were option a he'd be wanting to talk rather than finding excuses not to face you... Unfortunately I think a lot of this is because the breakup of his marriage was forced by your coming onto the scene because, while I do know of one genuine 'happy ever after' story, every other affair that started before a marriage was truly over (that I've known about) has failed to develop into a lasting relationship. On top of which you haven't allowed him a full relationship with you because of your financial situation so he hasn't 'settled'... but men can be just as complex as us girlies at times so that's just my opinion.

If I were in this situation I would be assuming it were over. If he decides otherwise you then get to decide whether to let him back into your life.

CG77

Hi bargainhunter.

Just to say I'm really sorry to hear you're going through this upset now. Many people may feel it was inevitable and many will even feel it was for the best, but that doesn't mean it's a nice thing to go through. You've had 14 months with this man and obviously love him dearly and therefore this will be really painful and I do feel for you.

Try to gather your friends round you, cry and shout about it, and in time you'll feel better. Maybe even, given plenty of time and lots of cuddles from your family and friends, you too will be able to admit it was probably destined not to work.

But for now, phone some friends and let them help you through.

Take care hon and feel free to PM me if you need a friendly ear.

CG. X

daska

BARGAINHUNTER! wrote: »

You think he has just ended things with me by text? After 14 months together?

yes I do, the length of your relationship is immaterial to his moral backbone

aliasojo

BARGAINHUNTER! wrote: »

You think he has just ended things with me by text? After 14 months together?

How can't you see that?

CG77

She just desperately doesn't want to believe it, which is understandable. I'm so sorry hon but it does sound very final to me.

Hugs.

CG. X

Zazen999

BARGAINHUNTER! wrote: »

You think he has just ended things with me by text? After 14 months together?

Er.....I was going to post when I first saw your update; but I can't believe that you think anything else.....You are SO in denial here.

Chinkle

Sorry bargainhunter, but yes that's what he's just done. I'm with cazziebo here - doing so by text speaks volumes. I know your world is going to fall apart for a while but please don't have him back.

Pepzofio

Charitable view: Letting you down gently.
Less charitable view: Spinning you along in case things don't work out with his wife.

Sorry if that seems harsh, but he's essentially ended things via text and come up with various excuses as to why he can't have the conversation in person. If your mate showed you that series of text messages with the same back story, what would you be telling her?