Need some urgent advice

LegalBlonde

Bargain Hunter I can see you are offline but I am so glad I came back on this thread to see what was happening. Get round there now! Why are you waiting for his permission? You are both adults and he has just had the audacity to try and dump you by text, when you texted him first no less, after 14 months.

He sounds very selfish and just wants you out of the way to sort his head out. You owe it to yourself and your dignity to get round there and demand a proper explanation - and set him straight and tell him YOU were reconsidering the relationship ever since he slept with someone else and as an adult father could not even be trusted under the same roof as his ex, another adult for one night. If it was all for the children why get drunk, it is not about all the debate about whether it was an appropriate set up or not - they are adults and should be able to spend a night together without getting it on OOOOAAAARGH At this rate give me his address and I will go LOL

Seriously, take stock, think about what you want and be good to yourself to get over this. But not without getting round there, don't let him off so easy!

3_cheeky_princesses

Hi Bargain Hunter

I did not want to read and run but havent got anything more to add then the others have posted on here.

I am not judging you as you said you never ever understand until it happens to you and your in that situation.

He is definately letting you down gently in those texts he sent you. Sorry. I know you are deeply in love with him but over time you will see him for who he really is. A coward who cheated on his wife then cheated on you and hasnt even got the backbone to explain to you face to face.

Walk away for your's and your childrens sake. I know it is really really difficult but do not give him the satisfaction or boost his ego anymore by begging him or contacting him anymore. If it was me i would box up all his stuff and send them by special recorded delivery to him so you have no more contact with him.

Come on girl you can move on from this. X

paddy's_mum

I haven't got much to add to what I have already said in this thread .. except to say that yet again, loving women have had their lives devastated by the bedrock dishonesty of a man who has only the bodily kind of "spherical objects".

If I ever get to hear that he is all alone due to his own cruelty, am I allowed to cheer?! :j

My thoughts are with you, OP and I am sorry that you have sustained such hurt.

daska

aliasojo wrote: »

Aw c'mon emsy, that might not have been what bargain hunter wanted to hear but it wasn't offensive and was actually quite relevant to the situation.

I know bargain is probably hurting an awful lot right now but if she falls into the trap of 'poor me' thinking, she's only going to get even more despondent. If she keeps in mind the circumstances and also the feelings of the other parties involved, it might show her that really no-one is a 'winner' in this situation.

Anyone who thinks that a guy who has already cheated on one woman couldn't cheat on another is being remarkably dense. Hopefully BH won't let herself be taken in by another spineless waste of space claiming that his wife doesn't understand him - unfortunately the wife often understands a h*** of a lot more than the temporary squeeze gives her credit for, well I did when husband #1 behaved like this.

BH - I know it hurts now but you will recover and I am sympathetic. As you have a car why not go round there and apply a good sharp knee to the bits that have caused so much hurt to so many people - it's no less than he deserves.

kazmc

Shoot me down in flames but........

What goes around comes around......

How much of your time was taken up with worrying about his wife and how she was coping when he walked out on her??

I'm sorry to sound so harsh but what you both did was so wrong and now you are both reaping the rewards for it.

I have been the one left for a mistress, when our first (and only!) baby was a day old so I know all about the hurt mistresses can cause.

Money_maker

I'm hoping the long break isn't so that he can try fruitlessly try to regain his wifes trust whilst leaving you hanging on as a 'standby'.

I do hope you can make a completely clean break from this guy or you may well end up playing silly beggars with him and his wife for the unforseeable future. A broken heart is a broken heart whether it be yours or hers so I do have much sympathy for you.

I think they will try again and it will all fall apart. There will always remain the underlying reasons for the marital split (which were separate from you) unless they address these plus the dishonesty he showed to her throughout the end of their relationship.

Get out and shut the door. How could you conceivably want him when he wants her? No second chances with you, something must have been wrong for her to be so appealing. Hold your head high and move on - good luck.

emsywoo123

kazmc wrote: »

Shoot me down in flames but........

What goes around comes around......

How much of your time was taken up with worrying about his wife and how she was coping when he walked out on her??

I'm sorry to sound so harsh but what you both did was so wrong and now you are both reaping the rewards for it.

I have been the one left for a mistress, when our first (and only!) baby was a day old so I know all about the hurt mistresses can cause.

The OP has heard this and I am sure in time she will consider it, but I cannot help but feel this bloke is getting off pretty lightly? Not sure about the bit I put in bold?

kazmc

emsywoo123 wrote: »

The OP has heard this and I am sure in time she will consider it, but I cannot help but feel this bloke is getting off pretty lightly? Not sure about the bit I put in bold?

Well, I wonder if he is feeling pretty sorry for himself in a self obsessed delusional way, and panicking in a spineless way how to get himself out of this mess ..... so hopefully that is someway to him getting his comeuppance??... or maybe I'm the delusional one to think he's even worried by it all??

hannah-j_3

Hi Bargainhunter,

I noticed from your first post you mentioned you had been with your b/f for 14 months, I was just wondering though when your b/f actually left his wife and how long you were having the affair before he left his wife?

I think this is particularly relevant as this is the time you spent with him where he was living with his wife but not prepared to leave her for you, when he finally did did you not prepare yourself at any time that he may want to go back to her?

I suspect we are not getting the whole story here, but that's just my intuition :rolleyes:

Mips

emsywoo123 wrote: »

Am I the only one who thinks-yes, she should not have had the affair. But he left his wife. And no, marriage is clearly not therefore black and white when he (who I personally aportion majority blame to) walked out of the marital home to have his affair.

Grow up. How old are you? Are you even married?

There are no doubt hundreds of men and women on these boards who would fight long and hard to preserve their marriages for the sake of respectability/chidlren - a whole host of reasons.

Then there are some who as fickle as they can be and believe it is acceptable to hurt people and leave a trail of devastation behind them all for the sake of them pursuing 'happiness'

Everything is so throwaway these days :rolleyes: