Need some urgent advice

hannah-j_3

Bargainhunter, it sounds very clear in his texts in my opinion he is ending things for you, gently, and avoiding at all costs any kind of meeting to allow you to talk him round.

As you know if you read my previous posts I am the wife in a very similar situation, and my husband ended things with his g/f on the 27th, after she too had similarly to you had an affair with my husband as we were having a few minor problems and we were bickering.

I have to say my husbands g/f has tried similar to you to be nice and try and get him to work things out with her, but again, he has made it clear he wants to end it with her and work out his feelings. He hasn't mentioned me to her, that he's seen me, in fact he asked me after several conversations to spend New Year with him, I agreed, hesitant, but despite him finally getting a slap accross the face from me (a long time coming) :rolleyes:
he really does want to work things out with me, and knows he cant have any contact with the g/f if I'm ever going to even give him half a chance, AND he wants no contact, his words, not mine.

He told me exactly, when we were having problems all he felt was resentment from me, which is true, I did, but we had been through so much worse before and always stayed very much 'together'.

This girl came along almost 2 decades younger, turned his head, worshiped the ground he walked on, and that was it, what chance did i have?

So we got on with our lives, but we both miss each other dreadfully, the problems we had, well they seem insignificant now, we are fantastic friends, especially of recent, still both fancy each other and just have history together that is full of so many wonderful memories.

To me, to him, the g'f is never going to get close to being that. He knows the grass isn't greener. He knows he would rather try and win me back than stay where as he said 'he just wasn't ever truly happy'.

I do hope Bargainhunter you realise that for your own self worth it really is time you stood back and let him work out what he wants, without your influence this time.

What I'm trying to say is isn't it time you realise that you are not the only person who has hurt through this and of all parties, the wife, she was the one innocent one, step back, let them be.

emsywoo123

cheepskate wrote: »

BARGAINHUNTER! wrote: »

Im not going to give him the satisfaction of knowing that I am dying inside. /QUOTE]

Hopefully now you know a little of what it feels like and you will have more compassion and do the right thing if another married man comes into your vicintiy

Pls be nice to all MoneySavers. There's no such thing as a stupid question, and even if you disagree courtesy helps.

essexgirly

hi bh, i've read all your thread and initially i really thought you had nothing to fear, he had drunk too much and i'm sure we have all been there with the drunken sex thing..... anyway,after reading more and more and you being condoned as a harlett for falling in love with a married man etc etc, i genuinely felt for you, you seem to have fallen hook,line and sinker for this man who it turns out, cannot even be bothered to see you face to face and is making every excuse under the sun to be honest with you (his car failed the MOT), how about a taxi, bus, walk, crawl(!) to see the one you love. I think you are in huge denial (which has been said before) cant you see he wants to avoid you.He would feel better if you ranted and raved at him, he could then have the excuse that it was your fault because he has explained that his head is messed up.

Give him a wide berth, you have made everything so easy for him, and you still keep letting him walk all over you, he has shown you the least respect for not being upfront and honest, the text thing was the worst, he hasn't even spoken to you..

I think he is leaving his options open, don't let him have that choice. If he wants you, let him work for it,but ignore his texts and calls. If he really loves you, he will come running.

Take some time out for yourself (yes, easier said than done), sounds like you put him first in everything, pamper, decorate (drastic i know, but hey its time consuming and will take up a lot of your thoughts) catch up with friends, plan each day as it comes and until he changes do not consider him in your future

Good luck

aliasojo

Aw c'mon emsy, that might not have been what bargain hunter wanted to hear but it wasn't offensive and was actually quite relevant to the situation.

I know bargain is probably hurting an awful lot right now but if she falls into the trap of 'poor me' thinking, she's only going to get even more despondent. If she keeps in mind the circumstances and also the feelings of the other parties involved, it might show her that really no-one is a 'winner' in this situation.

emsywoo123

aliasojo wrote: »

Aw c'mon emsy, that might not have been what bargain hunter wanted to hear but it wasn't offensive and was actually quite relevant to the situation.

I know bargain is probably hurting an awful lot right now but if she falls into the trap of 'poor me' thinking, she's only going to get even more despondent. If she keeps in mind the circumstances and also the feelings of the other parties involved, it might show her that really no-one is a 'winner' in this situation.

Yeah I understand all of this, but this woman has just had her heart broken, and is so far into denial that it took a group of strangers on the internet to point out she's just been dumped.
There's a time and place for lesson learning and reflection, but give her a chance to mourn the loss of this relationship before she does that. Bit of compassion!
And yes, I know that there are plenty that will criticise this post, but I really don't care. :rolleyes:

aliasojo

emsywoo123 wrote: »

Yeah I understand all of this, but this woman has just had her heart broken, and is so far into denial that it took a group of strangers on the internet to point out she's just been dumped.
There's a time and place for lesson learning and reflection, but give her a chance to mourn the loss of this relationship before she does that. Bit of compassion!
And yes, I know that there are plenty that will criticise this post, but I really don't care. :rolleyes:

Fair enough ems. I hope people don't criticise your post, it obvious you're only trying to be supportive and people would have a hard neck to criticise that.

emsywoo123

aliasojo wrote: »

Fair enough ems. I hope people don't criticise your post, it obvious you're only trying to be supportive and people would have a hard neck to criticise that.

:jThank you!

aliasojo

Lol...you're welcome.

I still think people should be allowed to put forward their points too though. Even if Bargain gets angry it'll keep her mind off just being upset iyswim.

Oldernotwiser

aliasojo wrote: »

I have to agree to disagree with you a little. If someone has left a relationship then a title means little morally imo although it obviously means more practically and legally.

What about case where someone has intentionally disappeared and the wife/husband has to wait x amount of years before the courts will declare them as missing/dead? Surely in cases such as this the word 'married' means little? Would you really expect someone to have to wait 6 years (I think ) before starting a new relationship?

I realise that's an extreme example btw.

And I'm not sure what you mean with the last bit?

It was meant as a joke!

You can't travel just because you've applied for a passport and you're still married even if you've applied for a divorce.

aliasojo

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

It was meant as a joke!

Was it!



(Pesky things those exclamation marks, they do often give such a negative impression of annoyance. :whistle:;))