Need some urgent advice

aliasojo

I think some men will do things because they have a safety net if you like. I agree the b/f is largely instrumental in the break up of his marriage but if he didn't have another warm bed to head for, would he have stuck around and maybe sorted things out?

Who knows. It's just a shame people are hurting during all of this.

Lunar_Eclipse

emsywoo123 wrote: »

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

Why?

I know you can't help who you fall in love with, but we can't all go round doing what we believe to be wrong, morally. You don't believe in monogamy? I'm very curious.[/QUOTE]

Why did you add the bit in bold?Just wondering

I didn't. How odd.

But for the sake of the OP, I'm going to leave for now as I agree the side debate isn't helping her. I can't think of anything else that might help apart from keeping the communication lines open and being honest with all parties at all times. I really feel for you all and wish you good luck too.

emsywoo123

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

emsywoo123 wrote: »

I didn't. How odd.

But for the sake of the OP, I'm going to leave for now as I agree the side debate isn't helping her. I can't think of anything else that might help apart from keeping the communication lines open and being honest with all parties at all times. I really feel for you all and wish you good luck too.

Now this is really spooky. Whe I read your reply and pressed quote, it just had the bit in bold.
Now I have gone to reply, all the bit underneath has appeared. Spooky spoons :rotfl::rotfl:

Oldernotwiser

emsywoo123 wrote: »

He left his wife. OP did not kidnap him (I assume ) with physical force.
It would appear (from OP version) that the wife was in name only. Divorce has been applied for.

They are still married and that is the only word that counts.

Try travelling abroad when you've only applied for your passport!

emsywoo123

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

They are still married and that is the only word that counts.

Try travelling abroad when you've only applied for your passport!

Marvellous. I understand your point, but I do not fully agree with it. I see little point in further debate on the topic.
Good luck OP.

aliasojo

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

They are still married and that is the only word that counts.

Try travelling abroad when you've only applied for your passport!

I have to agree to disagree with you a little. If someone has left a relationship then a title means little morally imo although it obviously means more practically and legally.

What about case where someone has intentionally disappeared and the wife/husband has to wait x amount of years before the courts will declare them as missing/dead? Surely in cases such as this the word 'married' means little? Would you really expect someone to have to wait 6 years (I think ) before starting a new relationship?

I realise that's an extreme example btw.

And I'm not sure what you mean with the last bit?

emsywoo123

aliasojo wrote: »

I have to agree to disagree with you a little. If someone has left a relationship then a title means little morally imo although it obviously means more practically and legally.

What about case where someone has intentionally disappeared and the wife/husband has to wait x amount of years before the courts will declare them as missing/dead? Surely in cases such as this the word 'married' means little? Would you really expect someone to have to wait 6 years (I think ) before starting a new relationship?

I realise that's an extreme example btw.

And I'm not sure what you mean with the last bit?

I think the last bit was in reference to the fact that I mentioned that the divorce had been applied for. As in that didn't really count. Becuse you cannot go abroad with just a passport application. Which was the comment that made me realise how ridiculous this thread had got:rolleyes:

tanmu

BARGAINHUNTER! wrote: »

No, they seperated because his wife found out about me and there were other things that happened to that have nothing to do with me. They did not have a happy marriage towards the end.

emsywoo123 wrote: »

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:Congrats on being perfect.
The "good luck" words are because we are nice people who do not want to see her hurt. No one is saying what she did/didn't do is right, but that doesn't mean we want o kick her when she is down.
The part I have highlighted in bold is completely untrue. The OP may well be in love, yes, but thst is NOT neccesarily why he left his wife.

Only going by what the OP posted herself. Being kind has nothing to do with it. Being kind doesn't always help - not when it means people are too 'kind' to tell it like it is. She's in a mess of her own making, and like I said before, many have left good advice for the OP, which is to get out of this situation. It is OP herself who says she can't because she loves him too much. So the part of my original post that you highlighted is as true as can be deducted from the OP's own words.

And no, I am not perfect. But there are some things that I believe firmly in, and the sanctity of marriage is one of them. So sorry, my thoughts are with the wife and children. Like many more wise than I, I shall now also bow out

judoka

chickens home to roost babe, just as you sow you shall reap,

penguinwaddles

I feel for the OP a debate on what is morally correct is not going to assist anyone involved. I'm sure she never set out to find a married man she never set out to hurt anyone she has fallen head over heels for someone and you can't help who you fall in love with. Can't really offer the OP any advice as at the end of the day you have to follow your own gut feeling I sympathise as all involved must be hurting/confused. Often situations where there are children involved can place relationship stresses on all parties involved and the love for a child is like no other. As for she is creating a broken family is it not better for children to grow up in a happy family environment be it where the parents are split or a family unit which is unhappy? Which is really more broken? I know which I'd rather.

Hope you work out what to do op, I would sit and talk to him though, communication is key