Problem son (sorry long)

Money_maker

karen310 wrote: »

a big chunk of render has fell off the side

Read that as 'reindeer':rotfl:

Just to lighten things up:D

TheEffect

Karen, I'd just like to add my two cents. I'm also 19 and would never dream of treating my parents in the way you have been treated, let alone steal from them. A poster stated before that this is typical behaviour for 19 year olds, well it's definitely not.

While the way your son has acted is not acceptable, are you sure he's not suffering from depression or another similar illness? Could he be taking drugs? It's easy to say ''His behaviour is unacceptable'', but could there be a reason as to why your son is acting like this?

At the end of the day, he is an adult and has to make his own decisions, but at 19, many people need their parents and some guidance, to stop them from further going off the rails. Send a txt to your son stating that you do love him, and do not want your relationship to be in tatters and that you both need each other. He's your son and your his mother. You need to support him and he needs to support you (whether you believe you need that support or not).

While I'm working full-time, have a place confirmed at university and am sure of what career path I want, I know I couldn't cope just yet without the support of my mum (single parent). I can admit that I'm not mature enough or confident enough to take on everything that life is going too throw at me if I was to be chucked out of my mums house.

You can only offer a shoulder to cry on (so to speak) to your son. He has to be the one who accepts and is apologetic for his actions. I do sympathise with you both. Your son needs to sort his life out, but this isn't going to happen on his own. You only get one life, one family and one shot at it all, so in 10 years time, do you still want to know your son, or do you want to carry those bad memories with you for the rest of your life?

At 19, we might think we know it all, but we're learning and will get it wrong. You need your son and he needs you, so go and pick up that phone.

karen310

Money_maker wrote: »

Read that as 'reindeer':rotfl:

Just to lighten things up:D

Thanks , reading this crying and laughing at the same time :A

karen310

TheEffect wrote: »

Karen, I'd just like to add my two cents. I'm also 19 and would never dream of treating my parents in the way you have been treated, let alone steal from them. A poster stated before that this is typical behaviour for 19 year olds, well it's definitely not.

While the way your son has acted is not acceptable, are you sure he's not suffering from depression or another similar illness? Could he be taking drugs? It's easy to say ''His behaviour is unacceptable'', but could there be a reason as to why your son is acting like this?

At the end of the day, he is an adult and has to make his own decisions, but at 19, many people need their parents and some guidance, to stop them from further going off the rails. Send a txt to your son stating that you do love him, and do not want your relationship to be in tatters and that you both need each other. He's your son and your his mother. You need to support him and he needs to support you (whether you believe you need that support or not).

While I'm working full-time, have a place confirmed at university and am sure of what career path I want, I know I couldn't cope just yet without the support of my mum (single parent). I can admit that I'm not mature enough or confident enough to take on everything that life is going too throw at me if I was to be chucked out of my mums house.

You can only offer a shoulder to cry on (so to speak) to your son. He has to be the one who accepts and is apologetic for his actions. I do sympathise with you both. Your son needs to sort his life out, but this isn't going to happen on his own. You only get one life, one family and one shot at it all, so in 10 years time, do you still want to know your son, or do you want to carry those bad memories with you for the rest of your life?

At 19, we might think we know it all, but we're learning and will get it wrong. You need your son and he needs you, so go and pick up that phone. [/QUOTE

Thanks for your reply , sadly this is not new behaviour for my son , and whilst I agree he isnt in a happy place right now and maybe is depressed ,but that does not excuse threatening and violent behaviour. I am also sure that me and his dad splitting up has taken its toll on him . I have told him by text after this mornings events that I do love him , but the way he treats me , his family and his home is unacceptable. He has also been offered the chance to meet my partner , not to be blamed for anything , but to try and salvage something , but he has declined. Sadly I think he has to sort his own way through this mess. Although he is a bright lad , he is not as mature as he likes to think he is , maybe this tough love is the way he will have to mature. You ask about drugs , I am sure he has dabbled with weed and probably still has the odd dabble , I am well aware of the effects of this on mood and mental health and am not underestimating it ,but I dont think this is the issue here.

ali-t

Aaaaw Karen what a tough time of it you are having. It really is important that you stay strong as if you crumble it will just give him another option to minipulate you in the future. at 19 he is technically an adult and should be treated as such - would you let another adult treat you like this?

Well done on taking steps so far, it may take some time but he will appreciate it in the end.

LegalBlonde

Well done Karen you have done so well. Just imagine what it will be like in a different house and surroundings in 6 months time this will all seem a million miles away. He is just lashing out and trying to make you feel bad so ignore the texts. Apart from that now you have changed the locks he won't come back until he is good and ready, hopefully he will come to his senses soon. You have done the right thing and I think he will thank you in the long run. If he does not, then you have saved yourself years of heartache x

karen310

LegalBlonde wrote: »

He is just lashing out and trying to make you feel bad so ignore the texts. Apart from that now you have changed the locks he won't come back until he is good and ready, hopefully he will come to his senses soon. You have done the right thing and I think he will thank you in the long run. If he does not, then you have saved yourself years of heartache x

Had no texts for ages , but a little while ago the house phone rang (like it has been doing when he has been checking if I'm in.) I dont know for sure its him but it probably was. I know he is my son , but it has spooked me a bit especially as I am by myself tonight , the doors are locked , and the locks are changed , so I know I am ok , but it has unnerved me.

choille

Karen - You've been through the mill with him.
You could try doing a 1471, but maybe he with held the number.

Does his Father have any input? Have you thought about contacting his Father & telling him of the trouble he is causing & would he take an interest? It could do with a man's word to him - possibly?
All the best.

karen310

The number is always withheld.His father walked away from him a couple of years ago and he would say this basically confirms everything he has said about my son in the past. He gave up with him which is why I tried so hard with him as he might as well have no father , my ex has no interest in his other kids either.

choille

Could you get the help of social services? If he's been in bother with the Police then they usually allocate a social worker, but I know that things are pretty stretched with them.

Your ex's attitute can't have helped your son, nor your other kids. It is hard, but he really seems to play the victim & uses manipulative behaviour, which is bad & is best not giving in to that as he'll just get worse, but you must feel really torn.