Problem son (sorry long)

xxvickixx

This sounds like my brother, he is 28, only 3 months younger that my husband. I don't think he will every grow out of it and I doubt my Mum will ever show him some tough love.

karen310

Well , this morning things came to head , I was still in bed , he texted me saying he wanted to come for his stuff. I replied , let me know what you want and I will have it ready for 10.30 , the next thing the doorbell rang repeatedly , I texted him saying again come at 10.30. the next thing , banging shouting etc, my partner wanted to ring the police. Anyway , to cut a long story short , I let him in , gave him some bin bags , he took stuff , threatened my partner to stay out of things , at one point I had to pull my son back . In order not to make a bad situation worse , I kept calm let him get his stuff and go , he has called me "sick" "heartless " , called my partner some awful things. Anyway he went saying he needed his stuff as he is sorting out a flat today, god knows how. He has texted me a few times since he left ,saying he has slept some nights in his car , hasnt eaten for 4 days , did his mum ever love him. I have been in bits all morning , my partner even offered to take him somewhere to have a calm talk and breakfast as I am too emotional. Anyway , that wasnt recieved well, He has also said , he says he has too many bad memories of this family ,why was I scared to let him in on my own , again saying I threw him out just before christmas .I have texted saying I love him , he doesnt have to do things the hard way , people care about him and that I hadnt thrown him out , he interpreted it that way. I also said I would be scared to let anyone in who was kicking and banging my door. I know he is a confused angry young man and the situation had to come to a head some time , but this was awful.

karen310

Also , the locks are changed , he will have realised that when he tried his key this morning.

Money_maker

Well done on what you have achieved so far.

Sounds like he thinks love=money.

I know this is hard but if you back down now then you will be playing this game over and over again. Keep telling him you love him, try to meet somewhere neutral for a chat. Impress upon him how important he is to you as your son but that HIS behaviour is unaccepable in your house and you cannot support him financially.

Its got to filter through sometime.

Hugs x

January20

I just want to say well done because I think you did your son a favour today. He needs to grow up. He needs to learn to respect you and your partner and not treat your home as a hotel. He needs to start taking responsiblities for his actions and learn not to blame all his failures on other, especially you. He will come out of this a man, and quite possibly a better person.

And as the mother of a 17 yo myself, I have no doubt on how hard this was for you and how much strength you must have needed.

candygirl

Well done for staying strong hun.You wont do any favours for him if you mollycoddle him any more, he is an adult now and needs to know this;)
I have had similar probs in the past with DD, but not stealing, and the only solution was for her to leave home, as it's my house, my rules:D
Don't let him emotionally blackmail you, as I know what it's like

ukjoel

The bit I picked up from the original post was the bit about the car loan being taken out, followed by some time later asking for money to pass a driving test.

Does this mean he is driving around without a driving license?

karen310

ukjoel wrote: »

The bit I picked up from the original post was the bit about the car loan being taken out, followed by some time later asking for money to pass a driving test.

Does this mean he is driving around without a driving license?

No he passed his test a few weeks ago. I think his ins has run out though , not sure where his car is

karen310

Thanks for all replies , the have helped keep me strong when all I have wanted to do over christmas is crumble. To add to it , my central heating has died (terminal) just before christmas , my house is up for sale , so I need it sorting before I either sell or freeze to death ,thank god for electric showers , a big chunk of render has fell off the side of my house and I have found a mouse in the dog food cupboard ! I know all these are trivial compared to my son , but I am thinking what next !!!

paddy's_mum

You know you've done the right thing!

Think of the misery this young man will inflict on a future wife and children, friends, colleagues and relatives if he is allowed to go on believing that he can behave so disgracefully but not account to anyone on this earth for his greed, arrogance and cruelty.

If anyone has been selfish and "heartless", it isn't you .. or are all the families you know conducting their lives in this fashion? No ..?

In that case, congratulate yourself on displaying a great depth of honesty, backbone, concern for others and [although he won't believe it at the moment] loyalty and love for your son.

Don't get drawn into discussions about did you ever love me etc. They are simply openings to allow him to punish you further with unfair and spiteful accusations. You've thwarted him and he will be wanting to vent his frustration and rage upon you but it takes two to have conversations like that. Become unavailable and un-get-at-able.

I can so understand that you must be feeling grief at such an unhappy situation but I also recognise that it's not your own attitudes, morals and behaviour that are "sick". If your son was a pet dog that for no recognisable reason or anything unkind that you had done to it progressed from occasionally growling to constant unwarranted snarling, from snapping now and then to a full blown attack upon you - would you keep it or march it off to the vet as being a danger to live with?

Your son has a lot to learn and it is his tragedy that he defied all your attempts to help him fit into the world. Now, the world will knock his corners off and it will be a painful experience - sadly, some folk will learn in no other way.

Your bravery is testament to your love and hopefully the day will dawn when your son will see it. I wish you well.