Problem son (sorry long)

mumslave

yes i think this is quite extreme behaviour for 19...but even if it was 'normal' to behave in such a way at 19, it isnt acceptable when its clearly causing the op and siblings distress. Not responding/coming home to Op text shows how little respect for mum and home there is, I dont see any other route to take without Op making herself a doormat and home a hotel.

karen310

thorsoak wrote: »

As do we all.

I agree with you Thorsoak , in fact when I see it all written down in black and white I could kick myself I have allowed myself to be treated like this. After tomorrow I have a few days off work and need to get things in hand. Thanks again to all replies , if I read these things about someone else I would know exactly what needed to be done , so different when its your own situation.

karen310

Well , I got home from work yesterday , he had apparently been home since midday ,(my other son called at mine to get something and he was there) he had eaten ,and had a shower , then disappeared before I got in from work.
I had a feeling he would appears whilst I was out and had left the same note I had left the other day on the staircase this time so he couldnt miss it. I also added on to it the fact that I had a house viewer at 7pm so he needed to tidy his room (tip).
Needless to say his room was worse than ever. I shoved everything out of sight , did my viewing and then texted him stating :-

Do not leave your uninsured car on my drive when the ins runs out at midnight , I will have it towed away.
The locks are now changed.
If you want to collect your things you can arrange a time that is convenient to me.
Put your old keys through the letterbox
You have taken advantage for too long and I am not putting up with anymore
You owe me money
If you want to change the future you can listen to my terms.
If not ....and I gave him details of the local housing (emergency dept)

No reply from him.
Before I left for work the phone rang then hung up so he is obviously checking if I am in. I havent yet changed the lock , but have put the snip lock on the inside of the front door and gone out of the back , I dont think he has a back door key. I will have to change them properly tomorrow when I am off.
Obviously had somewhere to stay last night , and the other nights , he has been home 2 nights since 19th Dec and they were the nights he sneaked in. The snip lock was on last night but he didnt try and come home.

whitty999

Be strong hun thinking of you,I know it is hard but try to put your foot down & keep it that way,I am a weak person so can't give much advice on this situation.
I really hope the new year brings you a turnaround in your life situation with your son,I hope he grows up soon and takes responsiblity for himself.
xxx

Mips

mumslave wrote: »

yes i think this is quite extreme behaviour for 19...but even if it was 'normal' to behave in such a way at 19, it isnt acceptable when its clearly causing the op and siblings distress. Not responding/coming home to Op text shows how little respect for mum and home there is, I dont see any other route to take without Op making herself a doormat and home a hotel.

Stealing is not normal but thats not a recent problem. I thought that was something he did in his past?

But going out and coming in and using house like a hotel is most certainly normal.. I know men in their 30s still doing it :eek:

karen310

Dippychick wrote: »

Stealing is not normal but thats not a recent problem. I thought that was something he did in his past?

But going out and coming in and using house like a hotel is most certainly normal.. I know men in their 30s still doing it :eek:

I dont leave any cash in the house now and havent for ages because I dont trust him. My other kids have all moved out so it is less of an issue , but when they come and stay I make sure nothing is left about. I dont kid myself it wouldnt happen if he had the chance.

karen310

Have just come in from work now and he is in bed , his car parked on the drive. I went up and he said "i'm not well" , I just said not my problem get your stuff together. He said ok whatever. That was about 15 mins ago.

red_devil

Give him a hug see if you can work it out!

The two of you would miss each other terribly if anything happened!

happy New Year.

red_devil

karen310 wrote: »

I dont leave any cash in the house now and havent for ages because I dont trust him. My other kids have all moved out so it is less of an issue , but when they come and stay I make sure nothing is left about. I dont kid myself it wouldnt happen if he had the chance.

Thats a shame when you have to hide everything? have you ever asked him how he would like it if people stole from him?

karen310

I thought the door was on the snip from the inside , but I suppose it doesnt take much to shove it , my door has been playing up. Not sure what to do now , there is no sign of movement. The last time I told him to go like this a few years ago , he tipped my freezer accross the kitchen on his way out. My partner is coming in about an hour and a half , he is very suppportive of me and I really dont want a situation between them both. My partner is very sensible , no worries there , just very black and white , like I should be I suppose. No movement still he obviously has no respect for me at all